𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚛𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚂𝚊𝚍𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜

Chapter-49

I got through not just that morning but the weeks of shooting that followed, I got through them all with a pit in my stomach and a hollow smile on my face. Everyday was starting to feel like an uphill battle and I wanted it to end.

Monaco was suffocating me, I couldn't look at places without thinking about him. I couldn't separate my work from him, I was over the edge. I felt so alone. No one would possibly understand the mess my mind was in, no one would understand why I wanted to cry like a child.

What hurt more was this was all my fault. This was avoidable, this was one incident where I should have put my pride aside and run after him. Begged him to stay. Stay so I could feel warmth just a little longer. I wish he'd stay so that the happiest period of my life would last just a little longer.

I had it all and I let it all go. I missed the way he smiles at me, I miss the way his eyes light up when he talks about his passions and I really missed his reassuring words and the soft kisses he gave me. I was too proud to admit that he brought beautiful colours to my very bleak life. And he had ruined me, no one will ever love me as much as he did. I will never love anyone as much as I love him.

He was my first love after all.

I was so glad to be leaving, he could have his city back for the summer. I didn't want to run into him and I'm sure he didn't want to see my face right now. So I left this city again, hoping to forget the boy I met. But I also hoped to see his face at the train station as I got on my train, maybe this time he wouldn't be too late.

He wasn't there, I left Monaco again for Osaka. I had to start working on revisions on season 3's script. This was the last season, I wanted it to be something that stayed with my audience forever. Perfecting it was a good distraction from the shambles I called my life.

***

I was hoping to find peace in the alone time Osaka gave me. But news travels very fast, Baba had already told my mom about everything that went down.

And soon I had my mother stopping by my house every evening to come see how I was doing, asking me if I needed something. It was annoying. I know she loved me and cared for me. But right now I wanted to be all by myself. The finality of my words were sinking in and they hurt my heart so much.

Now that I was far far far away from him. Far away from the place our lives intertwined, I cried. I cried my eyes out to my mother. She held me and tried to soothe me with some kisses on the head. Telling me that I'd be alright.

I wanted to believe her so badly. I wanted to believe that at some point it would stop stinging me. But I don't think I am that strong. I longed for him my whole life, and then he hurt me by acting like he didn't know me. But then he made me fall in love with him all over again, I fell for him so hard I risked it all and at the end of all of it all I'd done is hurt him. Because he hurt me.

I started wondering if I ever loved him at all or were we both just playing a cruel game of getting back at each other. Either way, he made me feel emotions so intensely I'll never forget about them.

Slowly, bit by bit leeching energy from wherever I could find it I was starting to feel like I had control over things again. I went to Katsumi's office to pick up the revised script, she asked about how I was doing and how my boyfriend was doing.

"We broke up." I smiled nervously.

"What? No way!" She shook her head.

"Yeah, I don't think we were right for each other." I shrugged.

"It's not my place to speak but to me you went together like pieces of a puzzle." She said, looking quite sad.

"No... we were like the sun and the moon. Too different to even understand each other." I said sorrowfully.

"How are you coping with all of it?"

"I'm fine. It hurts a lot but I'm fine." I said, with firmness to make sure I believed my words.

"If there's anything at all I can help you out with, please tell me." She said.

"Yes of course!" I beamed, "Just out of curiosity, how is the movie coming along?"

"All the footage has been sent off to the editors, after reviewing by the storyboard artists."

"That's great! I'll be back with all the changes you want very soon. Have a good day!" I walked out of her office.

I went home and read through all of the editor's notes. I hadn't done as great of a job as I thought I had, and I was very grateful to my editors for holding me up to it. I dived right into making the revisions he wanted, calling him up to pester him about the suggestions he'd made. I was definitely a question bomber getting to the last of his nerves. But he never said no, he was always ready to answer my questions.

By the time I was done, it was already time for me to go to sleep. I was starting to sink into this rhythm, it was comforting to have some sort of structure back in my life. But apparently it was concerning and not at all healthy, I was dragged out of my apartment and taken back home to my childhood bedroom.

"You will not go back until I see a smile on your face." Sofu said bringing me cut fruits.

"Is that a threat?" I laughed.

"Yes. You will be okay, that is my promise to you." He smiled.

"I'm already feeling a little better now that I have all of you around me." I said.

"That's the spirit!" He beamed, "are you free tomorrow afternoon?"

"Yeah I'm free! Have you got something in mind?"

"You'll know soon enough. For now change and go to sleep."

"Good night Sofu."

"Good night Emi." He smiled.

It felt oddly nice to be sleeping in my bright pink comforter I had chosen myself when I was a little girl, I opened the balcony door just a little so I could let the breeze come in. It had started to rain, so I spent some time watching the drops, hear their patter.

The tempo of the drops was comforting, they soothed me, I was drifting to sleep. Just like the rain that brings life to the parched soil, I knew surrounding myself with the people I love will bring back the colour to my life. It will be alright. I will be alright.