𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚛𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚂𝚊𝚍𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜

Chapter-51

The months blended together when I busied myself with working on the final season of my show. The team was working tirelessly to make sure that the finale of the show was indeed stunning.

We were filming the last few scenes of Hana enjoying her new life in Paris, looking back at all the sacrifices she made, the friendships she gained and the people that walked out of her life. I sat beside the director, watching my protagonist walk by the Seine. This would be perfect for the conclusive monologue to play over.

"Cut!" He yelled.

The cameras stopped rolling, but the tears just started pouring down my face. This was the last time for now I'd be working with this team, the last time I'd get to tell people about the story of Hana. It's like I caused a chain reaction, because now even the actress was crying.

I made my way to her and hugged her tight, I thanked her for her for bringing Hana to life, for her dedication and everything she did to make sure this story was done justice.

"You've got a long way to go! It's been an honour to be part of your first project." She smiled.

"Thank you! I will forever be grateful to you for making me fall in love with this idea in my head all over again." I wiped away my tears.

"Don't forget us when you get all famous okay?" The director joined in.

"You never forget your first love do you?" I looked at the team.

With more tears, laughter and hugs we wrapped up shooting. We filled an entire restaurant, good vibes carried on through dinner. Everyone ate to their fill, celebrated till they felt sore and finally parted ways. As much as I wanted this moment to last forever it was over, I had to leave.

Good things in life were coming for me, I was off to Los Angeles. Vanessa had insisted we have a traditional pre release screening for critics and other connections of hers to gauge their responses. I'd learnt those were rare now, normally critics are just sent DVDs of the movies.

I wasn't one to complain, this seemed like a very fun experience I definitely wanted to be part of. It would have probably costed more to do this, but I wasn't going to complain if she thought my story was worth spending it.

***

"Ready?" Vanessa asked as we walked through the large double doors.

"Let's get this done while I still have the adrenaline rush in my veins." I took a deep breath.

It had been a few days since I arrived in Los Angeles, I spent a day recovering from the travel. After that, we worked tirelessly to get the screening ready. Just like I had rehearsed numerous times, I took my place at the stage in front of the screen.

I waited for the guests to settle down, smiling through all the nervous energy that was buzzing through me. The house lights dimmed, only the ones by me remained bright, drawing the eyes to me.

"Good evening! I hope you've had a lovely Sunday so far. I'd like to thank you all for believing my movie was worth your time." I grinned even bigger, the speech I had planned was already leaving my head.

"Before we start, I'd like to say a few words. I hope that's okay with all of you?" I looked at the crowd, I was buying myself some time so that I wouldn't stutter awkwardly. With a murmur of approval running through the crowd, I took a deep breath and started my rambling.

"This story, that you're about to watch is one I hold very dear to my heart. This is my side of it. This is summertime sadness."

I wasn't expecting it, but I felt a lump in my throat, I also felt a burning desire to talk about it. So I did, "What started off as just an innocent crush soon blossomed into an all consuming love that didn't spare my heart. This is for him. This is for the beautiful boy I'll fall for over and over again." I wiped a tear that managed to escape.

"In another reality I would have like for him to be here by my side, watching what I've been working on with my wonderful team. But for differences we couldn't work past, we are no longer part of each other's lives."

"So without further ado, I present to you, Summertime Sadness." I bowed, walking off the stage.

I couldn't face anyone right now, I took shelter in a little corner by the emergency stairs and wiped away the tears that had been wanting to escape for so long. One of Vanessa's assistants came looking for me, I told him I'd join in a bit and sent him away.

I still couldn't process that I'd made the whole speech about him. Did I really want to dedicate this movie to him? I mean, it wouldn't exist if it wasn't for him. But maybe I should have dedicated it to my professor who kick started my career in the first place.

Vanessa was sitting in one of the middle rows, to really take in the experience. Not wanting to disturb her, I slid into a seat a little away from her. For some reason, I was less interested in what was playing on the screen, I spent more time watching the faces of other people, how they reacted to the visuals and if they liked it.

I also kept overthinking the speech I gave, it was so raw and full of emotions. It was rash. I could already think of the headlines flying out about the director's words before the screening, I had made Katsumi's job unnecessarily difficult. Her PR team was probably going to hate showing up to work tomorrow I cringed.

The credits rolled, I made my way out of the theatre. I didn't have the heart to hear people's views right now. I know the whole purpose of the screening was that I could get some feedback, but I'd much rather read people's words through emails than face them right now. Because my mind had already wandered off to a distant place.

It had wandered off to him. Today was his birthday, what would he be doing this Sunday? It was a special one after all. Had he gotten home from Suzuka? Was he off to Austin now? I shook my head. Why did I think so much about him? It was my pride that stopped me from contacting him after one fight. I was holding onto something that was so long gone.

This was it. Summertime Sadness was going to be my closure to both of us. He had moved on with his life, and I have every right to do the same too. Every word I said in that speech was in fact the absolute truth, I found no where in my heart any sort of hate or dread for him. All I could do was say thank you.

Thank him for the butterflies he gave me, for the beautiful memories we made, for showing me places in the world I would have probably never seen and thank him for believing in me even when I found it extremely difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I really wish our lives could have intertwined without the pining for just a little longer. But I guess that was just the most unrealistic part of it all.