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📢 TW: may contain disturbing content.📢
»Ashtray«
Sunday mornings were your favoriteI used to meet you down on Woods Creek RoadYou did your hair up like you were famousEven though it's only church where we were goingNow Sunday mornings, I just sleep inIt's like I buried my faith with youI'm screaming at a God, I don't know if I believe in'Cause I don't know what else I can do
I still remember finding her pale and with her wrist slashed in the bathtub full of blood soaked water. At that moment I thought I was just dreaming it all. But over time I realized that she was gone now, true.
I'm still holding on to everything that's dead and goneI don't wanna say goodbye 'cause this one means foreverNow you're in the stars and six feet's never felt so farHere I am alone between the heavens and the embersOh, it hurts so hard for a million different reasonsYou took the best of my heart and left the rest in pieces
I loved her, I loved her so much it hurt. But the saddest part is that I never told her, and I couldn't tell her anymore. It broke my heart, I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore.
Digging through your old birthday lettersA crumpled twenty still in the boxI don't think that I could ever find a way to spend itEven if it's the last twenty that I've got
"y/n, why are you doing this to me?, why did you do this to yourself?" I had asked quietly. Nothing but silence to be heard. I was alone, Fezco wasn't there and y/n was dead in it Bathtub.
Oh, I'm still holding on to everything that's dead and goneI don't wanna say goodbye 'cause this one means foreverNow you're in the stars and six feet's never felt so farHere I am alone between the heavens and the embersOh, it hurts so hard for a million different reasonsYou took the best of my heart and left the rest in pieces
It was too much for me I broke down and felt tear after tear running down my cheek. I wanted to scream, I wanted to slap something together to control my anger, but most of all I wanted y/n to come back. But I knew that would never happen again. I could never hear her laugh, smell her perfume, hug her, or ever see her again. The hardest thing about not accepting it all, it's true that I had to forget her. I had to forget y/n if I ever wanted to be happy again.
I'm still holding (on), holding (on), holding onI'm still holding (on), holding (on), holding onI'm still holding (on), holding (on), I'm still holding onI'm still, ooh, still holding on
Today was the day of her funeral. I stood by her coffin with Fez, Lexi, and Rue and tried to listen to the minister preach. But my mind kept going back to all the moments I had with y/n. I knew I could never forget this perfect girl, and I didn't want to either.After everyone was gone, I stood alone in front of her grave and just stared into space."Goodbye y/n, I hope you're feeling better now." I said, looking at her tombstone. I forced myself to add something."I love you, y/n. I always have and always will." I said and left with one last look at her grave.Since then I have come regularly to visit her grave.
I'm still holding on to everything that's dead and gone
I don't wanna say goodbye 'cause this one means foreverNow you're in the stars and six feet's never felt so farHere I am alone between the heavens and the embersOh, it hurts so hard for a million different reasonsYou took the best of my heart and left the rest in pieces
