Broken but not lost

Chapter 43, BRIAR

"Is that everything? We can't leave anything behind." I ask, double checking the bedroom while Flynn checks the main room.

"For the third time, yes, that's everything." Flynn chuckles. "I'll cover our footsteps as we go; they won't know where we're going, I promise." He assures.

Ever since my nightmare the other night, Flynn has been asking me constantly if I'm okay and making sure I know he'll protect me at any cost.

He keeps telling me he loves me and my heart jumps every time, but he always tells me not to say it back until I'm ready.

He doesn't want to put the pressure of it on me, and for that, I'm thankful.

Even though I almost say it every night.

I want to.

I need to.

But something stops me and I hate myself for it.

"We should move." I clear my thoughts and announce to Flynn. "Before we lose the cover of the night."

When I glance over to him, he's already stomping out the fire and slinging a bag and his rifle over his shoulder.

"I was just about to tell you the same thing." He smiles as he walks closer to me, placing a kiss on my brow. "Do you need me to carry anything for you?"

I pull back and raise a brow at him. "I had a nightmare, not a heart attack."

He rolls his eyes and throws the second bag at me. "Keep up that attitude and I won't wait until we find somewhere safe to rip your clothes off." He points at me and starts making his way out of the motel.

I choke on my words and clear my throat, following behind at a safe distance.

<><>

The cloudy night sky makes it hard to watch my steps. Through the past few hours that we've been walking I've managed to trip over multiple things, Flynn and my own feet included.

I've run into him many times and each time he laughs and takes my hand in his.

Including just now.

"Do you have bloody night vision or something? How haven't you tripped over everything?" I question, tugging on his shirt while I follow behind him to keep him close.

Flynn chuckles, reaching his hand behind him and grabbing my belt loop, pulling me next to him as we keep walking, then taking my hand in his. "No, I'm just not as clumsy as you." He glances over, eyes roaming ever so slightly before he asks, "have you eaten?"

I sigh, "I ate when you did, remember?"

He concedes, "Fine, okay."

"I might be the clumsy one but at least my memory works." I tease, poking his ribs.

"Oh really?" He raises his brow. "Then when did I first say 'I love you?'"

I open my mouth to say it, but quickly close them into a thin line. I glance sidelong at him, wincing ashamedly. He just chuckles and shakes his head. "Four days ago." He responds to his own question, smiling.

"Right." I nod my head as if I remembered.

As we keep walking, silence overtaking the air and the crunch of our shoes on the ground, a thought comes to mind and I suddenly feel the need to know.

"Flynn?" I ask.

"Hm?" He hums, keeping his eyes ahead of us.

"When... when did you first realize you loved me?"

"The day I told you you hesitated." He answers immediately.

"Really?"

"Yes." He breathes. Without looking at me, he adds, "But... I think I fell in love with you before that. I just didn't realize it until that day." He glances at me.

I nod, waiting for him to go on, mostly because I can't form words.

"The day you almost died." He states.

I snort a laugh, "You'll have to be a little more specific."

He doesn't laugh as he answers, "The day Kai attacked you." He explains, but not going into more detail than "attack".

"After I killed him, when I was cleaning you up, you were shaking so badly, you were so vulnerable it hurt to look at you. I think that was the day it happened. It might've been before that, but seeing you like that made every part of me scream that I had to protect you at all costs. To love you at all costs."

We stopped moving, then, my eyes were on him but his eyes didn't meet mine.

I cup his cheek and raise his head slightly so I can see him. His green eyes were shining, even in the cloudy night sky I could see every detail of them. The dark green hues on the outside fading into the emerald green flecked with brown.

"I—" My head told me to say it, but my heart was the thing that stopped me, afraid of being hurt, afraid of getting what I love ripped away from me all over again.

Something shifts in the air. Flynn and I both notice, pausing our stare and subtly looking past each other, acting unbothered even though both of us have gone rigid.

"What is it?" I whisper so quietly it blends with the wind.

Flynn shakes his head as rain drops start to drizzle. He places a tense kiss on my forehead, whispering, "Keep talking."

I hold onto one of his arms and fist his wet shirt in my other hand, afraid that if I let him go I'll lose him in the darkness. He grabs onto my waist equally tight with one hand, the other wrapping around to my back and under my shirt, to where my pistol is tucked in my pants.

"This would make for a good shower." I say tightly, looking up as the rain begins pouring on us, my hair now drenched.

A crack of lightning bolts across the sky and a rumble of thunder follows, making me jump slightly.

"What do we do?" I ask, my voice still a whisper even though the heavy rain covers anything someone might overhear.

"We can't stay here," he starts, eyes gleaming with worry, "but moving could be just as lethal."

I take a small look around before looking back up to Flynn. "I say we run for it. It's the best chance we have with the rain and thunder covering us."

He nods his head, only once, eyes calculating and cold. "At the same time." Flynn says, subtly pulling the gun from my waistband and tucking it between the two of us. He runs his free hands down my arm and intertwines our fingers together.

"One." I start.

"Two." Flynn continues, looking to me once before I say that final word.

"Three."

And we run.