Kill Me Or Kiss Me? (JenKook)

7

Jennie

My heart is hammering, the pulse in my throat pounding so hard I can barely breathe.

Jungkook takes a slow drag of his cigarette, his narrowed eyes watching me like a hawk, looking for any sign of weakness. Little does he know, he might as well have liver punched me, because I feel paralyzed right now.

How does he know about Soojin? No one knows about Soojin.

I spent years with the bratva, being trained, beaten, broken, only to be rebuilt into the embodiment of the perfect soldier. They made me strong, they made me a warrior, they made me exactly what they wanted.

Seo Jennie died in that place, everything that she was was stripped from her.

Except Soojin.

Never Soojin, because I could never let her go, even when wanted to, even when I knew my obsession with her brought me nothing but pain and unanswered questions.

I never mention her, and my silent search for her is my own. Finding her is near impossible. All the answers lie within the bratva, a place in which I have status and privilege, but if Nicholai realised I had a weakness, he'd search for her and kill her himself. And he'd genuinely believe he was doing me a favor, setting me free. He believes that what he's made me is a gift, and it is. Maybe he would be doing me a favor, but when I think of her, a deep ache buries itself into my chest.

Soojin was never strong. She was sweet and good, and she depended on me. I shielded her innocent eyes from the ugliness of the world, corrupted myself, sold my soul off piece by piece, and I did it willingly, to keep her safe, to keep her pure. And that was just in the orphanage.

My greatest failing in life is the inability to protect her.

But now I can...if I could find her.

Do I believe Jungkook? I don't know.

But just hearing her name fall from his lips has something inside of me shifting. A door that I firmly slammed shut when I was fifteen years old is now open a crack. Emotions are seeping out and I'm fighting to shove them back into that dark corner of my mind, the corner where Seo Jennie lives, the young girl crying for her sister, hurting for all that she has lost, for all that she has had to do to survive.

I feel. For the first time in a very long time, I feel something besides the cold detachment that comes with killing. I'd forgotten what anger feels like. To be so consumed, so utterly driven by that sole emotion.

I'm angry at myself, but mostly I'm angry at Jungkook for using her against me, for cornering me, despite the fact that I know I would do far worse to get what I want.

I feel threatened, and that's never good.

Rolling my shoulders and closing my eyes, the icy rage locks around me, imprisoning me in its grasp. And the switch flips. I have no more control over it l than the urge to draw breath.

When I open my eyes, my senses have sharpened, my vision becomes clearer, the hairs on my arms stand up, and I can sense every single breath he takes. Adrenaline courses through my veins. My mind perceives a threat and my body is responding automatically. After years of training it's no more than a reflex, like someone throwing you a ball and your arm moving to catch it. I'm ready to fight. Ready to kill.

"You found a name. Well done." I say. Even to my own ears I sound cold, efficient.

Jungkook raises an eyebrow. His eyes lock with mine and I see wariness there, but not fear, never fear with him.

"What did you think, Jungkook? That you'd dig up a name and have me doing your dirty work like some pet?" A smile pulls at my lips. "I've been very nice to you until now, I really have, but do not lie to me. Do not piss me off. I will end you and never think of you again."