HIP #3: Forgetting The Old Us

Chapter 41

I'm not sure which is worse: Silence or loudness. But both of them make me feel awkward all the time. Except when I'm alone and no one's watching. It is a different kind of peace when you're not talking to anyone because you're scared that they'll ruthlessly criticize you when you tell them how you're feeling. That's based on my harsh experience.

I was scared to tell the people around me what I was going through those days. I wanted to tell Britney and Charlie about it but I was afraid of being made fun of. I was too dumb to think that they were my real friends who were always there for me and until now are still always there for me. It makes me think that if I told them all those words before, then it might not have been that hard for me to get out of that pain Arthur put me through.

Earlier, my two best friends asked me to come with them to the classroom but I refused, saying that I needed to pee. Though I didn't. I just wanted to have peace and a little bit of loneliness. I wanted to be alone since we still have ten minutes before my next class starts.

Five months already passed since school started. It went by so fast that I didn't even notice it. Seven months are left until this year finally reaches its end. I was never excited about the end of our school and I shouldn't be because it means that I'm about to leave this campus that I love forever and always.

But the realization thought that I am finally going to completely lose Arthur once again and will stop seeing his face excites me.

During the five months of chaotic encounters we had, I couldn't help but think of the past whenever I see him. I never thought I would survive having him as my teacher and me as his student. But at least, I did.

As he asked me to, I did nothing but act like we were perfect strangers. He told me that we should act like he was never mine or there was never an us so I did it. That was the last thing I could do to forget that there was truly an us though he didn't call it what it was.

I began being polite to him and began treating him like the other teachers. Nothing special. I realized nothing could change if I will keep on fighting with him, asking him questions I know he would not answer, and crying over the memories. So, I stopped.

"Hey," I looked up and found him.

I don't know how in the world this thing happens over and over.

Whenever I think of him, he pops out from nowhere. As if he can read my mind and run to me when I don't want him to. Just like what is happening right now.

I told myself, come on, Shane! Don't be rude, don't be harsh! Be polite and act normal. Treat him like how you treat the other teachers. Come on!

"Hi," I whispered with a fake smile.

It's not that hard for me to act like he's a stranger around. I learned to apply it in my daily life. And I guess in the future when we bump into each other, I might think he's a total stranger.

He sat on the long chair in front of me and rested his arms on the table where mine were already placed. "Umm, what do you need, sir?" I learned to call him sir in public. Even if I don't want to, I always knew I have to.

"No need to call me sir in here." I nodded.

So, we're in our usual exes talk? It has been a while since we last did this. "Okay, Arthur." He chuckled.

I never thought I would see that angelic chuckle again. I must admit that I missed it.

"So, why are you here?" I asked again then looked at the watch wrapped around my wrist. Six minutes before my next class starts. I guess I can spare a second to talk with this guy.

"I... I just... wanted to give this to you... I mean return." He slightly stood up and inserted it into his right pocket. When he put it out, I recognized the blue and pink beads wrapped around a small string. The last time I saw that was three years ago.

Almost four next month. It's the bracelet Charlie gave me which I left at his sister's house. I asked him several times about it and he kept saying he had no idea that thing existed.

"Why is that in your pocket?" He opened his hands, offering it to me with his lips pressed as they used to be when we fought back then. "I was going through my stuff earlier, and so I found this."

"Wow," I reacted and gently grabbed it from his hands.

I thought I really lost this thing. It's still cold. Probably because of his chilly hands. "That's all I came for." He smiled and stood up then turned his back to me, planning to leave.

But my head automatically followed his footsteps as he began walking. And without even allowing it to, my mouth opened. "Hey!" I called him.

He immediately looked back at me without thinking of it. "Yeah?" He responded.

We both learned to act like we're nothing in public.

"Umm, thank you. Thank you for keeping this and taking care of this." He nodded. The look on his face shows disappointment. I don't know why but I can see that he thought I was going to say something else to him. "You're welcome." He nodded and turned around again.

But my mind is really crazy as heck to call him up again as I did earlier. Hey! He turned around immediately as if he expected I was going to say that.

"What?" The smile on his face came back.

"Ah... can... can we, you know; call this thing quits? Like we should." He smiled more and bit his lips.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course... Quits? Sure."

I nodded back.

That was... weird but at the same time, it gave me such relief. Finally, we created a label for it. Not strangers, but quits. Neither ex-couple.

"Well, I guess I'd see you in Journalism later... right?" He nicely asked.

I missed his nice treatment of me.

Why do I miss every single thing?

Oh, right!

Because I still...

Still...

No!

But I can't hide it.

I still love him. But we're now just quits so I can't let this crap grow inside me like it did before and I would end up crying again. That shouldn't happen. I don't want it to.