HIP #3: Forgetting The Old Us

Chapter 47

I guess I'm now facing the consequences of breaking up with Eros. No one to drive me to school, and no one to walk with either. Kobie is supposed to give me a ride but accidentally, there's this urgency of him being on the basketball team early in the morning.

I couldn't wake up at five in the morning to be there, and it was also pointless. Because I have nothing to do there if I will be that early. Mom and dad went to their work earlier than Kobie did. They went there at four. Which is not new to me. It's their routine. Though every day, they have different working hours schedule.

So, here I am left all alone walking down the highway with orange leaves falling to the ground like pieces into place, being crunched by my shoes. Dad gave me my commuting allowance for today. But I don't want to use it. The school is very close to our house. So instead, I should try to walk.

It would also help me burn the calories I gained from eating too much junk food through the nights I spent with Eros in his car, where we gossiped about different issues. But those were not about the foods, the ambiance, the gossip, or the breeze. But about the time I spent with him.

I can't be more grateful. He was everything I needed, but he deserves someone else, though he doesn't think he does. I'm a different person. I know what's good for him.

Thus, this is a way for me to help save the earth by not taking the bus or the train since those are using fuels. We need to save that!

Am I just making up stories because I don't want to commute with the thought that I might encounter Eros there and have a small awkward talk? I guess I am.

I frowned when I heard a guy walking from my back. So I narrowed behind me. "Hey," I faked a smile when I saw Arthur in his white polo and blue pants. Looking so formal, huh? As usual.

If our relationship before has been this formal, I guess he's mine until now. And I'm not walking like this. He probably is driving me to school with our hands tied to each other and smiles are drawn on our faces. But everything changes. I have to deal with that fact.

Be nice, Shane!

BE NICE!

Come on! Try to be the kindest person in the world and be calm!

My subconscious reminded me. She's so darn correct. But how can I do that? "Oh, hi." I greeted him back and continued walking with him by my side. Another awkward moment for me~

Perhaps for him, this is normal. But for me, this is not. Because I haven't moved on and I still love him. Meanwhile, he already is over me and he loves someone else now. "On your way to school?" I nodded.

"Great," how the heck is that great? "Well, umm, did you do your assignment?" He's trying too hard to set up a conversation between us. It's obvious. I like it. "Yeah, as always."

Does he think I skip my homework? Duh.

"That's nice. If you have any difficulty with my subject. You can ask me everything." It's kind of ruining my mood to know that he's only talking to me because I'm his student. Not because he's trying to get me back.

He only talked about school but not about the old us. I shouldn't be hoping like this. But I haven't moved on. So what can I do about this? "So, I can ask you?" Since he didn't do it, I will.

"Sure. Of course. I just said." He chuckled slightly.

"Did you ever love me?" I don't know where I got the guts to do this.

"Only about my subject." His voice became colder than it was.

"We're not in school yet!" I stopped.

We're a few meters away from it. I don't want to get there yet without getting my question answered by him. "Yes, I did. I loved you."

Loved. Past tense.

"How can I believe you?" He froze too and then rose the sleeves of his polo which exposed his veiny arm where I saw the same old half of a purple butterfly tattoo.

I've seen this before. So why am I acting like I never did?

"Why should I believe you just because of a stupid little half-purple butterfly on your wrist?"

"I won't keep this until now if it means nothing. You know me, I hate tattoos."

It was his idea that we should get the tattoo together. But, before that, when we were in line, he told me he swore to himself when he was a kid that we would never get a tattoo. But to keep an oath to me, he got one and broke the promise he made for himself.

As I can see, until now, he doesn't have a single tattoo except for this one. "Is that the truth? Or you're just really scared that getting it removed would hurt a lot."

"Physically, it won't hurt me. But emotionally, it would."

"Then if you loved me, why did you cheat on me? Wait, I was the third one, right? Oh yeah. Why didn't you tell me you were dating two other girls so I could have looked for someone else?"

"I know my mistakes. You were the third girl, I admit. I was happy with the first one. But as time passed by, she became toxic to me. But she didn't want us to end so I kept her instead but, technically, we weren't a thing anymore. I found the second one at a coffee shop. She was nice but sooner became cold to me. We had no label since I was still in a relationship with the first girl." I gulped.

He continued. "Then, there I found you at this one party, sitting all alone, looking so lonely on a bench so I approached you. I was just being friendly. I didn't expect I would fall in love with you."

"Why did you date me when you were already dating two other girls?"

My questions are finally being answered.

"Because you were different! You were the only one who was able to handle me, you showed your patience underneath my toxicness, and you waited until I could say sorry for everything. That's when I realized you were the one. I was about to break up with the two other girls when you found it all out on my phone." I don't know if toxicness is a real word.

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"As if you would listen! You never did"

He's right and I wish he is not. I never wanted to listen to him. I only listened to my mind which I always said he was a narcissistic psychopath for dating me with two other girls.

The teasingly smirk vanished on my face when I realized how sincere he is with all his words. "Do you still love me?" I changed the topic.

"As if you would agree if I will say yes." He rolled his eyes and continued walking.

"I don't. Because I don't have proof."

"Forget it. Forget I ever said yes if you won't believe me anyway!" I was still frozen in my position when he began walking fastly and left me on the street thinking.

"Give me proof first! Something I can lean on because I'm tired of believing such things which aren't even proven real!" I screamed since he was a little far from me already.

He looked back and I took a few steps closer to him. "Aren't my words enough?"

This...

This...

This is the problem.

ME

I am the problem.

I never listened to him, I never trusted him, I never believed him, and I was never satisfied. And I always looked for something more instead of thinking he was enough for me. I am ungrateful.

"They are enough but I'm scared to trust them. Because I don't want to get my heart broken again. Which haven't even recovered from all the pain I got."

"You broke your own heart by not listening, believing, and trusting me before! If you let me explain, then perhaps our hearts aren't broken."

I forgot he's a human too. He got hurt too. His heart broke too.

He's just a lot tougher than me to carry it all at once. I'm not the only one faking my smiles, laughter, and happiness. We're doing it together for the same reason.