HIP #3: Forgetting The Old Us

Chapter 51

I don't know what is it that I like in his kiss. His lips are ordinary, but every time I kiss him like this, I feel sparks fly. I opened my eyes and found him cherishing the moment. I realized... I told him I still love him and now we're doing something we're not supposed to.

He opened his eyes too, and so I let go of his lips. I want them more. They just hit differently. I might have kissed guys before, but those meant nothing. Only because of stupid dares and consequences of not answering a question. But now, I feel something I didn't feel for a long time.

"No, no, no. We... we... we shouldn't." I shook my head slowly and got his arms off me. I began running away while carrying my heavy blue ball gown and pushed the entrance door open.

"Hey! Shane! Wait for me!" Arthur screamed, but instead of stopping, I walked faster and acted like I didn't hear him. The students are too busy with their partners, so they didn't notice us running away from the huge crowd. "Shane!" I heard him calling again.

I can feel it now. My eyes are about to explode in tears. I walked faster while trying to lift my gown since it is blocking my way and making me stumble from time to time.

He's close at my back now. Got to walk faster!

Why am I running away from him? I liked the kiss, right? It is a sign that I still love him.

Oh, that's the point. That's why.

I hate the fact that I still love him.

He grabbed me by the arm and made me face him. "What the heck is your problem?" I screamed. The stars, the moon, and the sky are watching us. They are witnesses of a night which is supposed to be great but ends up being chaotic as this.

"You! You're my problem! You always run away for no reason!" He complained.

"I didn't run away for no reason."

"Let me guess, you're scared to admit to yourself that you still love me, right? So you hate the kiss! And you ran away instead? What the hell is that?" I don't know how he got it all right.

But whatever the formula, equation, operation, or solution he used, the answer is always right. He has memorized it. The techniques, the patterns, the shortcuts, and the right way to solve.

I am a rare problem that only one in a million people can solve. And he's that one in a million. Meanwhile, my eyes are too shut to see that he's the one who can fix my broken wings.

"You're right, I'm scared to admit to myself that I still love you. Because I don't want to end up being the one crying on the floor again! I'm tired of being a loser."

"If you only believed me, trusted me, and listened to me, then you didn't have to be hurt."

"Wow, now it's my fault that my wings got broken?"

"Stop acting like you don't know you're the one who gave problems to yourself and not accepting help from anyone!" That's not who I am.

Do I even know who am I?

Who am I?

I don't know myself anymore.

"I am not acting, this is me. Now if you don't like the way I am, then leave!" I complained.

"The last time you told me that, I left. So, I'm not leaving this time. Not anymore."

"Why not?"

"Because I want to stay here."

I shook my head and sighed.

I need to be calm.

I need to be calm.

I need to be calm.

"Tell me, Arthur. You know how well my life was going on before. I was happy forgetting the old us! Why did you come back and began ruining my life again?"

"I'm not ruining your life, I'm trying to fix it."

"Wow! Fix it? Seriously, Arthur? Fix my life which was already fixed when you were gone?" I couldn't help it anymore, I let go of a teardrop.

Knowing that he's trying to fix me but I never let him make me feel stupid. I'm like a cat trying to wash but remain dirty by not letting my owner give me a bath.

"Tell me the truth. Why did you come back?" I added.

"As if you would believe me," he said calmly.

"I admit I didn't believe you before. But I promise to do my best to believe you. Just... tell me."

"Are you sure you want to know?" I nodded calmly.q

He took a deep breath and a step close to me. I don't what he's doing but, I should believe him as I promised.

"I knew you were having a good life. I missed you so much... I really did. But I didn't want to ruin your life by crashing in. I couldn't help my feelings. I was sure of one thing: I wasn't over you yet. But, I didn't want to be selfish. I knew how much you hated me for knowing that I cheated on you. I was sorry but I had no idea how to express it." He said.

He continued...

"So, I decided to forget about you though I couldn't. Until one night, I was peacefully sleeping when I heard a knock on my door. I opened up and found your mom. She asked me to come back after she saw how sad you were for missing me. I didn't want to do it because I knew you were going to hate me. She offered me money, lots of money. But I still refused."

I frowned. I never told my mom about us. What is he talking about?

I let him proceed.

"I refused over and over. Until I realized how much you low-key needed me. Your mom showed me videos of you crying over our old pictures. I knew how hard it was for you to reel by yourself. I was feeling the same way. So, I agreed with your mom to pay me."

Mom... mom...

My mom paid him?!?!?

"W-what? What do you mean? I- I don't get it!" I was too stunned to let the things he said to be processed in my mind.

"I'm so sorry, I really am. I'm sorry for being such a dumb punk. I didn't mean to. But even if I only came back because your mom paid me, I am sincere when I said I still love you, I miss you. A night never passed by without you being on my mind. I never not loved you."

"So... you're saying that my mom paid you to crash back into my life like this?"

"Yes, I'm sorry." He directly answered.