HIP #3: Forgetting The Old Us

Chapter 42

The harder I try to focus on the lecture, the more I become 'out of the zone.'

I don't know what has gotten into me to make me feel this way. It's not Arthur teaching right now, but I really feel like I'm not interested in the lesson though it is very easy.

The professor keeps talking about the addition of algebraic expressions, which are not new to me anymore. We've been on this lesson since eighth grade and it's just a phase in mathematics so far. I have mastered this already. Despite that, today, I don't feel like participating in class.

With my hands standing as a basket, catching my chin, I blinked a few times at the board with plenty of letters and numbers written on it. Until the wind blew and the flashback began about how we ended.

After I read all the conversations he had with the two other girls for a short period of time, I realized I had no right to complain about it. Because I was the newest among his collection of girls as a womanizer.

But still, I felt like I was betrayed considering the reason that he didn't tell me in the first place that he already had a girlfriend. No; two other girls. That's better.

I was clueless about him. But I fell in love with all the good things I found in him. And I forgot to do one thing: to check for imperfections and think if they're not too much.

I know it sounds selfish, to be honest, but at the same time, I know it's not. Because my experience proves that there's nothing wrong with that.

It should have helped me beware of him, but I was too young to face my first love which ended up being my 'first heartbreak' right after seven months of the short-term relationship we had.

I'm grateful for those seven months. Though he wasn't originally mine. Some even only lasted dating for a week. But we lasted for half a year and that's something I should be thankful for even if I wished for it forever.

Well, it was too impossible. I didn't think it was.

I took a deep breath to avoid the single piece of the teardrop that attempted to drop from my left eye. It was tough for me to take the pain in and act like I was okay. I heard the door of the bathroom creaking which made me act like I found nothing.

As if there was nothing that made me realize I was such a fool for believing him. It was my fault that I was that frustrated. He took the seat and slowly sat on the chair he was sitting on earlier.

I faked a smile so he wouldn't see that I was trying to hide all the pain. "So, umm.. what now?" I asked with my voice still not whole because of all the tears I'm holding back.

"What's 'what now' for?" He responded using another question.

"Umm, nothing. I just thought maybe you would say something else." What was I waiting for him to say? Nothing.

But I was kind of hoping he would admit things to me. Like a real man being honest to show how sorry he is.

I didn't know that he was not that type of guy. He never admitted all his mistakes and sins to me like a real psychopath.

He's an expert at sorry. When it comes to keeping things blurry, he's very good at it. As if he studied a lot about that making him master that lecture.

"I... I just... I just realized I still have a lot of homework to work on so I guess maybe this is... goodbye for now?" I faked my chuckle.

I thought making him go away and take my moment to cry was the best way I could move on and act like I knew nothing and keep on being his third girl. I pressed my lips together. "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure! That's okay. Well, umm, all the best to you for that!" He immediately stood up while inserting his phone into his pocket. Great acting.

As if he's hiding nothing.

"Thanks," I said and followed him as he began walking outside. I leaned on the door and he looked at me first before getting into his car. "Umm," I was speechless. It took me a minute to respond after that word.

"We should end this." I gulped. Out of the blue, from wanting to act like I saw nothing, I ended up feeling the urge to end a relationship that was about to break down. I realized he shouldn't be the one to end it. So I did. I was already a fool, I didn't want to be more of that. "W-What? What are you saying? End... end what?"

I shook my head slowly and then responded. "This! Let's end us!" I tried my best to stay calm but it was so hard. Still, I did. He frowned and took a step close to me. "What are saying? I thought we're all good? Just earlier we were okay."

"We need to end this!" I repeated.

"Are you breaking up with me?" I didn't want to. But he ended it himself the moment he didn't leave the three other girls and got me as his third toy.

I sighed heavily before answering. I couldn't believe I was breaking up with him on that day. "Technically yes," I said that and I meant it. I decided that being his third girl wasn't right. I don't know what came over me that all of a sudden, I wanted to do the right thing that day.

"What? Why?"

"Please, just for once! Stop asking me a question that you don't have to! Please, you got the answer so don't ask me, okay?"

"What is wrong with you? Are you okay?"

"You know what is wrong, so just leave, will you?" I stepped back and immediately shut the door. I wanted to open it again and properly talk to him but it wasn't the right thing. I have decided about it: I shouldn't chase him anymore since he was a womanizer. And it was what I did. I ran up to the stairs and shut the door of my room but still heard his screams, calling my name. "Shane! Shane! Shane! Shane!" It was hard to ignore him like that. But it was harder to cope with the feeling I had that day.