Beautifully Obsessed

Chapter Sixty-Two: Forever is a promise

19/07/2022

Just a quick warning that there is mention of suicide in this chapter, I understand this can be a very sensitive topic and so I would like to remind you all that I love you and am proud of you!! My direct messages are always open, and I am grateful for each and every one of your existences <3

I hope you enjoy,

~Aphrodite

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Embry's POV

"So, I'm going to kill myself."

There it was. That feeling. The one that used to haunt me so often in the past year, that gnawing sense of hopelessness, of self betrayal. My composure dropped, and it sort of felt like I had blacked out for a couple moments, but I was aware of my existence. Aware of my consciousness sitting heavily in this temple I called a body.

My body worked faster than my mind, as it had done so many times before. When the words seemed to register in my mind, I found myself staring straight into the empty eyes of the boy I had grown up with. The boy I had watched grow up. The boy I had shared many firsts with.

I'm going to kill myself.....

Kill myself...

The uncomfortable memories sat heavy in my mind, haunting me. The ones I had tried so hard to block out, pushing their way back into my life. I was ashamed of them. They were a reminder of every weakness I could never overcome. A reminder of everything I swore would never happen again. My hearing had failed, in its place was a static like ringing as my heart took one punch after another.

I was holding myself up using the door frame. My accusing eyes found their way to Noah's, except I wasn't accusing him. I was accusing myself. Suicide. What a sensitive topic, what a bitter reality. After all this time, all this pain since the night he took me all those weeks ago, it never crossed my mind once.

No, I never dared to let it. For how could I? When it just marked another failure of mine. A failed attempt. A trip to the hospital. A whole month of not being able to look my parents in the eye under the shame of it all. How could I let myself be the reason Noah killed himself, when he would have been the reason I had.

How could I have spent all this time hating him for what he does, just for me to turn around and do the same. I swore that I would stop reliving that night, but here, with shaky knees and laboured breaths it's all I could see, hear and feel. The lifeless reflection of myself in the mirror. The consuming empty feeling that sat in my chest. The stinging of my eyes as I urged myself to cry but couldn't. All of the things I had never done and would never do weighing me down. Everything I had never said burning the surface of my tongue. The days and hours of contemplation beforehand just for everything to finally overflow.

I had vowed to myself through it all that no matter what happened or who I became, I would never make anybody feel the way I had felt that night. I had shot a man, it would be something I would have to deal with everyday for the rest of my life. But the perilous state of mind one had to be in to do such an action, no I couldn't justify it happening to anybody. Not even a man such as Noah, and to have that weighing on my conscience, I knew I wouldn't survive it.

My voice was croaky as I took shaky steps inside, closing the door behind me. "H-how would you do it?"

Noah's POV

"H-how would you do it?" I watched as my fragile baby stood unsteadily, her eyes seemingly heavy with tiredness. I knew I had to do something big if I wanted her to stay. She just couldn't seem to understand that I needed her. My whole existence depended on her. As I had watched her close that door, I knew my plan had worked. She was mine again. My pretty little flower.

I would have been a fool to not have had eyes on her while I was in prison, so I knew all about her little hospital trip. Was this cruel of me? Yes but it was necessary. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she was thinking about it. And so I used that against her. This was for her own good.

"Pills, it doesn't seem as scary that way" I frowned, making sure my face didn't show the joy I felt on the inside. I had her right where I needed her. Before her tears started falling, I had already known I had won, I had reiterated her exact reason. "And if-if I stay?" her voice was a quiet and broken one.

"I can't- I don't want you to-to die, not-not like that" her gentle sniffles filled the silence between words. "I'm scared Embry, I don't want to lose you" my heart thrummed with the beat of my words, there was no lie in it. And perhaps there wasn't a lie in my previous words either, I wasn't sure how I would live without her. But now, I wouldn't have to. Actions speak louder than words, that is true, but for my baby girl, god could words burn her worse than any action ever could.

I sighed in relief as she ran into my arms, her scent only adding to my addiction that was Embry Hill. "Please, don't kill yourself ever" her teary eyes pierced my soul, the complete look of desperation in her face. I didn't want to be the bad guy, I never did. But when these bad actions had such heavenly outcomes, how was I to stop?

"Please don't leave me, ever" I repeated her words, twisting them slightly. Her arms holding onto my tightly, I had achieved all that I needed to achieve. As a teenager the speed at which her mood and attitude could change used to scare me but once I learned how to control it in my favour, it had been a gift from God.

She was in a constant battle with herself, one push from me and she toppled. "I love you Embry, god I love you so fucking much" I whispered against her hair, my hold on her just as tight. "Let's go to bed baby, it's been a long day" I rubbed her back gently as I led her to our new bedroom.

It may not have been the fresh start she was looking for, but it was going to be the last one she would need.

From now on, I am all that she needs.

Embry's POV

I had requested sleeping pills off Noah, I couldn't seem to find it in me to care as much about that kind of thing anymore. How could I when I wasn't living life for myself anymore, but for those around me. And yet, it seemed to be the only way I knew how to live. The only way that seems right.

The morning came sooner than I would have liked it too, and all too soon I found myself eating breakfast with Noah as if nothing had happened. I was afraid that the words he had uttered last night would become a reality, and if playing nice and sucking it up could avoid that, then that's what I would have to do for now. It would all work out, right. I had always been a firm believer that things always work out and that everything happens for a reason but I can't figure it out.

Perhaps future me is out there somewhere knowing it all happened for something and that little thought carried me through this breakfast, and hopefully this day. "I have to go to work baby, but I'll just be in the office, if you need anything just come up to me, okay?" He leaned down, pressing a kiss to my forehead as I nodded with a forced smile.

"I might just hang out in the garden, is that okay?" I looked at him, relieved when I saw him grin and nod. I wondered if this was how my parents felt the morning after my attempt. As if they were walking on eggshells. I mindlessly washed my plate, allowing myself to slip back into that headspace of safety which I had occupied while down in the basement. When things seemed to work out.

I jumped with fright as the back door opened, only to hold my hand to my heart as I saw it was Jonathan with fruit. "Good morning Mrs Hill" he nodded, walking towards the counter, "good morning Jonathan, how are you?" I turned to face him smiling. He did seem like a genuinely nice guy and maybe he could offer a small distraction for me.

"Your face Miss, are you alright?" My smile dropped as I watched his eyes light up with panic. Oh crap, I hadn't covered up the bruise on my cheek from when Noah hit me, I didn't think I would have needed to. "Oh em yes, I'm fine, I just-"

I could feel my heart thrumming at a ridiculous volume and pace.

"You're the Embry Thompson girl, aren't you?"