chapter eighteen: home for christmas.

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13.1k words: synopsis of acts: crying, guilt, survivor's guilt, revisiting the past, brief panic attack, self-neglect, revisiting the past, fluff, angst, ptsd, neglect, childhood trauma, the theme of christmas, pondering, sharing moments, solitary places, mentions of paparazzi, new memories, nervousness, cuddling, cute acts + other undisclosed topics. tw: santa. mind my errors; vote.

Currently, it was a few days before Christmas was set to occur. All of your friends were packing and readying themselves for the holidays. Every single one of your friends had a family to go back to while you remained stalling, attempting to think of a reason to delay packing. Not one of them knew you didn't have a family, nor would you ever attempt to try to inform them. Well, everyone except for Eren wasn't aware of this.

They all wondered why you were so glum, your mind so out of everything you did. But would they change their perspective on you if they knew? If they knew that you had no family to go back to for Christmas? If they knew that almost every single year, you had no home to truly go to? You were always solitary, with no one to spend your time with. It was an embarrassing concept, just imagine being alone in life.

Just imagine not being like all of them, the other kids. The kids that go home to their families, wondering what was made for dinner. The kids that rest on their beds, their family light and present in another room, bickering or doing whoever knows what. Why couldn't you have that? Why couldn't you have a family to go back to? Why was everyone else, who took their family for granted, allowed to have a family?

Why couldn't it be you? Why did you grow up without anyone to deem as your caregiver? Why did you have to celebrate practically almost every, single birthday alone? Why were you sitting there, every year, a cupcake in front of you, wishing yourself a happy birthday? With Christmas, why were you sitting there, unsure of how to portray it? You were unsure of what Christmas was supposed to be like; you had never experienced one. Well, one you were able to remember.

Naturally, you would always remain nestled within the home of whatever foster family you were put in. You would always stick around on whatever temporary bed you were gifted, a cupcake in front of you, a dismal candle embedded upon it. It was always a polka dot blue candle, littered with gentle, white dots. Though you were always forbidden from using a lighter, you still always snuck a lighter within your room, set off a candle, and sang happy birthday to yourself in tears.

THE HILLS ; eren jaegerWhere stories live. Discover now