ᴏᴀᴋʟᴇʏ ᴄᴀʀʀɪʟʟᴏ was discovered at fourteen years old, being praised as a musical prodigy by the media ever since. His fame had only increased until now. At nineteen old, he's the most remarkable musician of his age, and he's only getting started. At...
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ᴏᴀᴋʟᴇʏ ᴄᴀʀʀɪʟʟᴏ
I'd made the biggest mistake today.
This night, we'd be staying at a hotel again, and as always, I got a king bed for my solo room, and I had the first good night's sleep in weeks and was kind of looking up to performing again. I knew that this was usually only a fluke though, a little laser pointer in the darkness, and I was like a cat chasing it.
But just like the cats kept overlooking, was that the little dot of light would turn off at some point, leaving nothing left to chase but darkness.
I had somehow dragged myself out of bed, into the bathroom, and I'd taken a proper shower. When I first walked into the bathroom, I was very careful to not catch even a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My head was held down the entire time.
It wasn't until after my shower, when I thought the mirror would be foggy enough to blur my reflection, that I saw myself again.
The mirror was giant, and from its distance from the shower door, it showed my entire body from my knees up.
I knew watching myself could only make me feel worse, but something forced me to look, and to keep looking until I'd picked myself apart piece by piece.
Parts of my face had puffed up where others had sunken in. My hair had lost its shine and the curls were strung together like a bird's nest, even after doing everything in my power to get the knots out under the stream of hot water. Every time I lifted my arm even slightly, my body looked like I'd been ill for months, living off a hospital's liquid menu.
I took a towel and loosely tied it around my waist, and then I used another one to put over my shoulders before getting up close to the mirror.
I forced on a smile, but it fell immediately as my right cheek pulled itself into a faint dimple.
"Fuck," I said out loud. I closed my eyes and blew some air out my nose slowly before opening them again. This time I tilted my head to the side, and I forced on her another smile, the dimple now not showing as much as it did before. And although this didn't fix the stringy mess atop my head, or the stick figure I called a body, or even the asymmetry in my face this dimple created, it was a way to hide it, and it was all I could do for now.
I rubbed my eyes, trying to introduce some more liveliness in them, but nothing could make me feel more real, or at least look the part.
There were multiple reasons I was still here, trying to get my life together. The first and foremost reason was simply that I didn't want to be yet another disappointment. Canceling my tour would mean disappointing my fans, troubling the crew, worrying my family, angering my management. It would never end. The second reason why I was still trying was that this was everything I'd worked for my entire life. And unlike so many others, I got to make my dream reality. I should be grateful for this opportunity. I should be happy doing this.
