Bunny

70

Isaiah and I were in the car to his place and neither of us had spoken.

I knew we were both thinking about earlier.

It felt...too soon.

We'd known each other for a while but we hadn't been dating that long.
I didn't want to make him feel bad about it. He was probably already kicking himself for it.
I truly didn't know what to say.
I'm not upset that he said it.
I am worried though.
Because why so early?
How could he say something so serious so soon?

He pulled into the parking lot of his apartment complex and we got out. Still neither of us spoke.

We walked inside and headed to the elevator.
He scrolled on his phone the entire time while the other hand scratched through his hair like it usually does when he's nervous or embarrassed.

Our stop came so we got out to walk to his door.

The moment we walked inside, I went to his room and just sat on the bed.

He didn't follow behind me.

It's been a stressful day.

One that I didn't know how to handle.

I didn't want to say I didn't love him. I wanted to understand why he would say he loves me.

Something caught my eye and I turned my head.

His pillowcases changed.
He had black silk ones now.

I picked one of the pillows up and held it. This was so nice. He's so much sweeter than he thinks he is.
I got up and walked out of the room.

He was sitting on the couch, manspreading, with his eyes on his phone.

I went and sat next to him.

He was just playing some mind game on the device.

"Can I talk to you please?" I asked.
"About?"
"You know what it's about."
"Then no."
"Isaiah..."
He didn't respond.
"Please?" I begged.
He turned off his phone and put it on the table before giving me his attention.

"I would just like to know why you said it." I stated.
"It was just a joke." He shrugged.
"Was it?"
He didn't answer.
"I think...if it was then you wouldn't have reacted to it the way that you did. Even if it was a joke at the moment, your response to the words spilling out meant that there was a little bit of truth in it and you weren't ready to share it with me but did by mistake."
He leaned back in his seat and just stared at the table.

"Do you love me?" I asked.
"You love me?" he asked back.
"I don't...not love you." I responded.
"What's that mean?"
"It means I don't want me not having said it, make you believe that I don't love you."
He was visibly confused although he still didn't look at me.
"Can I ask why you love me?" I posed.
"I don't know." he stated.

We sat in quiet.

"You don't expect me to be as good at communicating and words as you, right?" he asked randomly.
"Um...I don't expect it for right now, but I do hope that it gets better. I would like for us both to be good at communicating with each other and feeling safe enough to do it."
He didn't answer.
I pulled my feet up and let my body face him.
He finally looked at me.

"Do you know how it took a while for me to be comfortable with you seeing my body?" I asked him.
"Yea..."
"But you still let me take however long I needed and didn't force me to get naked for you."
He just looked at me.
"You are more comfortable being vulnerable physically while I'm more comfortable being vulnerable emotionally. But both equally take patience and understanding. So no I will not expect you to hurry up and easily express what you're thinking to me if it's not something you grew up doing. But whenever you are ready, I want you to know that I will not judge you the same way that you didn't judge me. And I want you to feel comfortable talking to me and explaining your thought processes so that I can understand you better. And it'll be easier for us to find a solution."
"That." he stated.
I was confused. "That what?"
"What you just did. That's why I love you."

I just sat there. Confused.

"You told me that because we too different that you thought we wouldn't happen or make it or whatever." he remembered. "But that's why I love you. Nobody talks the way that you do. They don't ask how people are feelin'. I've never had a girlfriend that actually asked me to communicate before she got mad. It just turned into screaming from both of us. But you didn't get mad at me or like...weirded out, you asked why I said it before you judged me saying it. And you uhh...like you compromised with me about goin' home instead of tellin' me I wasn't allowed to go to Westdale at all because you actually took how I felt into consideration with how you were feelin'. And I love that. It's not like...like I'm just some guy you keep around, you talk to me like I'm actually in this too." he stated.
"Because you are in this too." I replied.
"Right. And like...I don't know...I'm kinda emotional. Like don't be confused, I'm not a bitch. But...shit can get to me and you ask me if I'm okay."
That was the bare minimum and it made me feel bad because I was afraid he'd been in relationships where they didn't do that.

"I don't know it was too easy to love you, so I couldn't just not do it." he stated. "You're like...refreshing." he snickered.

"I haven't spoken to any other girlfriend as often as I talk to you. And I know that sounds shitty but it was mostly sex and just tellin' people we were together. We'd be in the same room but doin' two different things. She's textin' on her phone and I probably am too until one of us wants head."
I practically flinched at that last part.
"We actually talk. My mom likes you. She didn't hate the other ones but she ain't treat them like she treats you. You met Mrs. Tran and she likes you. Everybody I know likes you and I get dapped up when I introduce you to my people. I mean...LJ and Andre think they scare you because you don't talk a lot but I know that's just your personality."
I snickered because he was right.
"I think everybody can say it when they want to. Like don't be a weirdo and say it after the first, second, or third date or anything but people realize at different times and I'm just...really into you."
I smiled. "I'm really into you too."
He smiled back. "If you meant that you'd gimme a kiss."
"You always want a kiss." I said as I closed the space between us.
"Mhm."
I kissed him softly.

"It's my birthday." he stated.
"Are you asking for what I think you're asking for?" I questioned.
"I obviously want you to sing the song." he stated.
"Oh..."
"What'd you think I wanted?"
"Nothing..." I shrugged.
"Right. Pervert."
I gasped.
"Sing it."
"Why me?!"
"Because your voice is pretty." he stated.
"Really?!"
"Yea, I like the way you sing. You should do it more."
I smiled to myself.
"Sing iiitttt..." he groaned.
"No, I'm shy!"
"How you do that riff shit you be doin'? UuUuUu..."
I laughed at him. "No!"
"UuuUuUuu..."
I laughed again.
"How you do it?!" he said through laughs.
"I don't know I just do it."
"UuuuUuuUuuuuUuUU..."
I laughed again as he kept trying.