Sin ||KookV||

16

These few days, there was a bit more subtle distance between my hyung and me. It felt like he had distanced himself from me first, so I didn't make much eye contact with him either. At night, I would wait for him to sleep first before packing my school bag and going to sleep on his bed. In the morning, I would take advantage of when my hyung hadn't woken up yet and take my school bag and run. My teacher even praised me for having attended every single morning self-study these few days.

To avoid repeatedly thinking of my hyung, I stopped zoning out in class. I was bored, but it wasn't too bad listening to the teacher teach.

After Ugly Liu finished explaining the exam paper, he wrote out a high-level question on the blackboard and asked Small Glasses to go do it. Small Glasses had never fallen out of the top fifty in the level, and our school was a key school in the province. The top 200 in our level could all be picked for direct admission to an undergraduate course (I was ranked one thousandth or so).

Small Glasses was writing on the board halfway when he got stuck, so I offhandedly gave him a tip. He smacked his head and continued writing, but after two lines he got stuck again so I gave him another reminder. After all, I had stood with him at the back of the classroom for a number of days; we had already formed some sort of 'academic god and mediocre student' type of friendship so I didn't want him to look bad.

For some reason, my teacher and classmates all turned to look at me like they were seeing something mystical. My hyung had explained this question to me before. I thought that everyone knew how to do this question, just that no one had told Small Glasses. Of course, my hyung's ability couldn't be compared with that of these normal people.

My form teacher was extremely dramatic; when she heard of this incident from my mathematics teacher, she brought me to her office and praised me. She called my hyung to tell him about how much I had improved and asked him to continue supervising me to maintain this until the end of the term. She also informed him of the date of the next parent-teacher meeting.

My form teacher knew me too well; every time the parent-teacher meeting came around, I would postpone it at all costs, saying that my parents didn't care, or that my hyung was too busy, finding all kinds of excuses to stall it. I didn't listen in class, my grades were poor, I caused trouble in class, skipped class to fight and smoked in the toilet. My hyung was used to being a good student; I didn't want to let this dignified company head have to sit in my seat and get criticised in front of everyone.

I heard my hyung say through the phone, Alright.

Alright then, if he lost his dignity, he asked for it.

During nightly self-study, I used an exam script to tap the shoulder of the person sitting in front of me, "Hey, explain this to me."

Chaewon was momentarily surprised, then turned around and used a pen to point and explain the question to me. Now that it was a pretty girl teaching me, as expected, I understood it instantly. Our mathematics teacher was fat, bald and had a greasy face, so I nicknamed him Ugly Liu. Whatever he said, I couldn't be bothered to listen to any of it.

I was bored, spinning my pen and flipping through my science worksheets. I left the questions I knew how to do blank and zoned out as I thought about the ones I didn't know how to do. As for my Korean and English worksheets, I simply threw them away.

The second the end-of-class bell rang, I was out the door with a basketball in hand. I waved to my brothers and we walked to the basketball court.

One of my brothers draped an arm over my shoulders and asked me why I hadn't been rushing home to eat late-night snacks recently.

Because my hyung didn't eat late-night snacks with me anymore. At night, once he got off work, he would return to his study to look at contracts or take phone calls. During the day, he didn't say more than a few sentences to me. Even though we saw each other every day, I still missed him a little.

But he wasn't my girlfriend, and I couldn't just forcefully kiss him and ask him why he was acting so awkward. There was also a disadvantage to brothers dating each other, and that was I couldn't tell if we were together or broken up already, or if we had never even dated in the first place since my hyung had not answered me directly. Once we returned to the normal relationship that brothers had, it could probably count as me having failed in a love affair.

Unwittingly, we had become like a couple in a cold war. I could only use a helpless silence to face this confusing love affair.

I asked my brothers who played basketball with me if their families had a second child. Those who were the only child didn't say anything, while one with a younger brother told me that he wanted to kill his brother. He gestured with his hand, Like this, crack crack, and strangle him to death.

I silently inhaled sharply and asked him why.

Filled with indignation, he said, "What does he know how to do? Every day he stirs up trouble, and then asks me to help him wipe his ass, otherwise, he cries. And when he cries, he sounds even worse than a shrieking chicken. My Dad immediately asserts that I bullied him. Aren't I being treated so unjustly? I'm telling you, the second child is someone sent down from God to torment the eldest."

After a moment, they asked me why my hands were shaking. I didn't feel anything, nor have any expression on my face, but my condition was poor, unable to successfully shoot the next few hoops.

I forgot how I managed to get home. When I returned, the old lady had left some late-night snacks on the table and left already. On the second floor, only the corridor lights were on. My hyung was on the bedroom balcony smoking.

Light trickled through the smoke, illuminating his cold and fair skin. Puffs of smoke billowed out through his lips as mottled specks of light reflected in his eyes.

From afar, I gazed at my stern-looking girlfriend like I was looking at an expensive jewel through a display window, yearning for it.

I quietly approached him and suddenly hugged his neck from behind like a predator hunting its prey. A piece of cigarette ash fell on the back of my hand and scalded it red, but I didn't move away.

He helped me to brush off the ash on my hand. I grabbed his loose tie and pulled it back, sending his cold and fair neck near my lips. I sucked on his lower jaw and shoulder through his shirt. His white shirt was dampened by my saliva, letting the hickeys I had left on his shoulder show through.

I bit his earlobe and threatened him breathily, "Hyung, yesterday was the tenth day you didn't hug me to sleep. If there's one more day, I'll fuck you to death."

My hyung laughed. He raised an arm and pressed me onto the iron railing, then held my jaw and lowered his head, nearing me.

His lips were a few centimetres away from mine, yet he never closed the distance, so I took the initiative to wrap my arms around him and kiss him.

He purposely moved away by a few centimetres again. His sharp and white canine tooth peeked out as he laughed tonelessly in a low voice, "Even if you don't let me fuck you, I'll still raise you for the rest of my life."