Sin ||KookV||

30

My hyung sat up and drew two pieces of tissue to help me clean my ass. He grabbed my ankle and lifted my leg, cleaning the filth in my ass and on my thighs. Occasionally, he inserted his finger into my hole to draw out the cum and traces of blood inside, cleaning it up.

"You made me bleed again, didn't you?"

"A little."

"You said before that you wouldn't injure me. If you continue being like this I won't believe you anymore."

"Mm...no, believe me."

"Forget it, I won't make a fuss over this with you...don't take me as a free prostitute to fuck either...every time after you fuck me, it hurts when I shit. What if one day you fuck me until it splits and I have to go get stitches at the hospital? I won't do it, I won't go, it's too damn embarrassing..."

At first, I was chattering endlessly with my eyes closed, grabbing the pillow tightly. Later, I somehow ended up hugging my hyung, my chin resting on his shoulder as I hoarsely said in fragmented sentences that it hurt and I was bleeding.

My hyung embraced me. He balled up the dirtied tissues and tossed them into the rubbish bin. He patted my butt, asking me softly, "Don't you like getting fucked?"

Right now, I didn't have much physical strength left, so it was easy for my mental strength to be exhausted as well. Hearing him ask this, I was dazed for a few seconds. I didn't know whether to nod or to shake my head. I didn't purely like to be fucked; if I could fuck my hyung, it would feel good too. The key factor was that the person I was making love to had to be Jungkook. The person who could both excite me the most and comfort me the most during sex was my hyung.

Besides, even if we didn't make love and only kissed when our lips and tongues entangled, goosebumps still rose across my whole body from head to toe.

Or even if we didn't kiss, every morning when I woke up and saw his sleeping face so close to mine, his lashes occasionally brushing against the tip of my nose, I would smile.

My hyung was quite an intelligent person. Why was it that he couldn't understand something so simple?

I adjusted his head so that he had to look me in the eye, and then asked him a question I had always wanted to ask.

"Hyung, do you like me? Is it the same kind of 'like' as that between boyfriends?"

He didn't make a sound. After a while, he threw the question back at me, "How about you?"

I said yes.

Rashness and rebelliousness were privileges that belonged exclusively to people like me of this age. I wasn't like Jungkook, considering a future that we couldn't see or touch. So I told him clearly that at this moment, right now, I wanted to be his brother, and I wanted to marry him too. I didn't like girls, and I didn't like men either. I wasn't heterosexual, and I wasn't homosexual either. When others broke up, they could at least still search for another lover, but when I was broken up, I would only become an orphan.

I felt that in the face of an uncontrollably explosive love affair, moral principles could be overlooked. Even if continuing to indulge ourselves would eventually lead to us destroying each other's lives, there was nothing that could be done about it. I couldn't think so far ahead. I only knew that at this moment, if I lost Jungkook, I would yearn for death. Embracing him was a kind of natural instinct to save myself.

He suddenly pulled me into his chest, his arms wrapped around me so tight that I could barely breathe. I couldn't move, so I could only lie in his chest and hear the strong pounding inside. My hyung's heart seemed to be telling me rhythmically, "I, love, you, but, I'm, a, coward."