Sin ||KookV||

26

I went to the small shop in the second canteen and bought two boxes of chocolates and  Popsicles, one long string of Alpenliebe and a bundle of spicy sticks, then stuffed all of it into my baggy uniform. I dodged the year head and director, went back to class and stored the snacks away under their desks, then picked up my school bag and left.

I wandered the streets for half an hour. I couldn't think of where I could go so I went to an Internet café and rented a computer. Facing the screen full of games that I had gotten tired of already, I zoned out. I often went to the Internet café, but I didn't have an internet addiction. Gaming and sleeping could similarly let me temporarily avoid some things that I didn't want to face. The smells of cigarette smoke and instant noodles blended together to form the foul odour of fried, expired yoghurt left behind in a pot for cooking stinky tofu, making my stomach churn.

I spun around in my seat, observing humanity. There was an older guy opposite me smoking. He moved his hand away from the greasy WASD keys and put the cigarette filter holder covered in saliva into his mouth, again and again, the stubble on his chin uneven. Further away from me sat a row of hooligans whom I had seen before doing outside-game communication. Their arms and ankles were covered with cheap, misshapen tattoos as they played PUBG with utmost concentration.

Everyone was absorbed in their own world. They didn't notice that among them, there was a foreign creature that had fallen in love with his own elder brother. Occasionally, I would think I was more important than I actually was, feeling like the whole world was fixing their eyes on my ugliness when in reality, most people were unaware so they didn't care.

Looking at the tattoos on the tanned and filthy skin, I suddenly wanted to tattoo a pair of rings with my hyung on our ring fingers, because the pain of being pricked was more easily etched in one's memory than just simply wearing the rings. If my hyung betrayed me and went to marry some other girl, I would cut off that finger of his and keep it in my pocket, causing him to have nowhere to wear a diamond wedding ring on. Then I'd snatch my hyung away at the wedding ceremony, buy a dog leash and bind him in my room, fucking him until he was wrecked.

Later on, I was seriously too bored, so I fished out from my school bag a mathematics paper that had been wrinkled by me and sprawled out on the table to do it. In order not to waste the rental money, I even listened to three hours of mathematics lessons on youtube. Fuck, I was a real stupid cunt.

When I left, it was already getting dark. I found a roadside stall and ate skewers, then conveniently bought some squid teppanyaki to bring home to eat with my hyung. I was coincidentally held back by a red light at a crossroad and saw a drunkard walk out of Phoenix Garden on the other side of the road.

The man swayed as he walked. He had BMW car keys in his hand and stood pressing buttons for half a day in an attempt to open the door.

At first glance, I thought to myself, Haha, stupid cunt.

At the second glance, I thought to myself, Fuck, that stupid cunt is my hyung.

I set off sprinting across through the red traffic light, the sounds of whistles, brakes and curses from drivers all quickly flashing by my ears. I heard a few drivers cursing me, "Fucking bastard, not even afraid to get crushed to death!" Actually, at that moment, all the blood had rushed to my head and I didn't have the capacity to be concerned with too much. I could only worry that my hyung might fall down and dirty his face or hurt his knees.

By the time I got to his side, my hyung was sitting on the ground. His tie was pulled loose and the first button on his collar was hanging by a thread. The deep hollows of his collarbones were suffused with a morbid pink and his hand was still gripping the car keys.