Fanboy Draco Malfoy Convinces Harry Potter to Marry Him!

Basilisks & Fish-No Frogs or Bugs Were Injured In the Name of Vengeance

Neville finished framing the newspaper article and put it on the wall.
"This is probably your best work, Herm." He honestly had no clue how she had time to do anything! The girl was always going from one extreme to another.
"Thank you Nev! It's nice that Rita works so well for us. It probably helps that I have some rather good blackmail on her." When Herm had figured out Rita Skeeter was an unregistered animagus, he couldn't even be surprised. If anyone could dig up dirt on someone, it was Hermione Granger. If he knew she was so against Divination, he would have thought she was a seer.
"Draco is the one who put me on the right track! I can't believe that idiot was using memory charms on people! He can barely hold his wand, for Merlin's sake!" Herm ranted, her hair already falling out of her braid.
"It is 'ard to believe he could do such a thing." Fleur agreed with her. Neville was happy she was able to join them. He didn't want her to feel left out.
"Well I'm curious as to how the parents will react. After all if he's obliviating strangers, what could he do to their children?" Ron added.
"If he doesn't get fired for this, can I transfer to Beauxbatons?" Fleur flushed at Ron's question.
"You will always be welcome." Neville wasn't even going to comment on such a declaration. Matchmaking was Harry's job.
"Rita really let him have it too!" One of the twins said. "We do have a little surprise for him if you want to help!" They continued, their eyes gleaming with mischief.
"Do you even need to ask?" Herm replied, already packing up her bag. The twins led them to an unused classroom by Lockhart's office.
"Let us introduce you to Luna Lovegood, the best frog catcher in all of Hogwarts!" The twins announced grandly.
"Hello!" Her radish earrings stood out as she waved to them.
"Luna! How are you?" Herm gushed and gave her a hug.
"Did you say frogs? I have a toad!" Neville told the room, reaching for Trevor. He pulled out pocket lint and sheepishly said "he's always running away though." Luna looked him up and down.
"I'll help you find him. I can smell an amphibian ten feet away!"
"So what are we doing with the frogs?" Draco asked, his brows furrowed.
"Releasing them in Lockhart's office, of course!"

~~~~~~

Harry gave a whoop as they slid down the tunnel. Cedric insisted on going together and Harry wasn't going to call him out for being afraid. He could hear Marcus and Percy screaming behind them. They all landed in a pile.
"Merlin, I think my arse is broken." Percy wheezed, somehow getting at the bottom of everyone.
"I'd be happy to look at it later, my love." Marcus gave Percy a leer. He started saying some more stuff but Cedric covered his ears.
"Alright, if you two are done, can we get up please?" Cedric said firmly, his face pink. They got up and looked around. Marcus was the first one to catch sight of the molted snakeskin.
"Uh Harry, why is this so big?" His face was pale in the wand light. Squealing with delight, he touched it. This was huge! His new friend wasn't lying when he told him he'd have trouble getting him out of the wall.
"Ignore that. Let's go! He's so lonely." The boys traded looks but reluctantly followed him. He skipped down the passage and came upon a circular door. It had snakes all over it! He decided he would put it in his room, after he got his snake friend out. It was just collecting dust down here! No one would notice anyways.
"Harry! Please tell me this isn't the Chamber of Secrets." Percy's voice shook, in what Harry assumed was excitement. Harry gave him a look before slowly saying "this is a door, Percy." Percy let out a strangled laugh.
"Open." He hissed and the snakes moved around until the door let out a click and swung open. Harry eagerly climbed through and the other boys followed.
"Hello? We're here! Be nice to my friends please!" He called out and heard hissing.
"Food! You came. I thought you were smarter than that!" Harry frowned at the snake's tone. He sounded mean! He heard a loud thump and a ginormous snake appeared.
"Cover your eyes!" Marcus barked out and everyone followed except for Harry. Why would he cover his eyes? He squinted at the snake and was pleased when he looked at him.
"Food, why aren't you turning hard? Are my eyes broken? Are your eyes broken? What is going on?" The large snake was muttering to himself and Harry had enough of his behavior! They came all the way down here and he didn't even offer them a chair?
"It's hard to talk to you when you're so big so let's just fix that!" He took his wand out and shouted "Reducio!" in Parseltongue. He watched as the snake shrunk until he was the size of a pool noodle.
"What have you done to me, Food? Fix me this instant!" The snake flopped around, throwing a tantrum that would have caused a mess if he was his original size.
"Uh Harry? Have you not turned to stone yet?" Cedric's question caught him off guard.
"Why would I turn to stone?" He turned to the pouting snake and repeated his question.
"Because I can petrify things with my gaze." He said petulantly. Harry thought about it for a second and summoned a pair of swim goggles. He shrunk them down and wrestled with the basilisk until he got them on. He then put a sticking charm so he couldn't get them off.
"There we go! Now you can leave this damp cave and come have fun with us!" He turned to his friends and said "you guys can open your eyes! He won't hurt you." The boys sighed but did as he asked. Marcus burst into laughter when he saw the snake and gasped out "are those goggles?" before howling some more.
"You should've just let me eat you, Food!" The snake whined and Harry bent over and picked him up.
"My name is Harry! What's yours?"
"My old master called me Serpens." He finally replied.
"Isn't that just Snake in Latin?" Harry questioned.
"My old master wasn't very original." Serpens said dryly. He wouldn't like it if someone called him Human as his name. Maybe Serpens would like to be called something else! He asked the basilisk and he thought about it before responding.
"I'd like to be called Bubbles."

~~~~~~

Hermione focused on picking the locks on all of Lockhart's drawers.
"Herm, are you sure you should be doing that?" Ron asked, dumping some frogs into a flower pot.
"It's fine Ron! We're already breaking in! We might as well snoop through his things." Fleur was carrying Draco on her shoulders as he added some bugs to the ceiling. She was impressed when he spelled them to fall when someone walked under a certain spot. She finally got the drawer opened and grinned widely.
"What do we have here?" She crowed and took the fuzzy pink diary out of its hiding space. She flipped it open and cackled. It seemed Lockhart had written in detail the names and dates of the people he had obliviated. What an idiot! She couldn't believe their luck. She quickly put it in her bag and looked at the twins. They were drawing mustaches on all of Lockhart's portraits.
"President! We've run out of frogs!" Ron called out. They all packed up their buckets and left Lockhart's office. Turning the corner, they froze the same time Professor McGonagall did. She was carrying a raw fish in her arms.
"Hello children." She narrowed her eyes on them and Hermione waited for her questions. She would lie her pants off so they wouldn't get detention. Sometimes it paid off being the smart girl, teachers usually took her word for things.
"I'm not going to put this fish in Gilderoy's office nor will I cast a warming charm on it." Hermione couldn't help her laughter. Professor McGonagall was on their side! She still hadn't forgotten the woman's behavior last year but maybe her sensitivity training had actually helped.
"I would say to avoid the roaches on the ceiling and not to spook the frogs." Draco replied, his eyes staring at the wall.
"I see. As you were." They passed each other and the twins high-fived.
"Wicked! I didn't think Professor McGonagall even knew how to prank anyone!" Fred snickered. There was a loud thud and a wall opened up to reveal Harry, Cedric, Marcus and Percy. They were covered in dust and smelled like a sewer.
"Darling! What in the world happened?" Draco was quick to start wiping his face.
"I made a new friend! I think Sirius would enjoy his company!" A snake popped out of his collar and he was wearing a pair of swim goggles.
"I need to shower and rest. I think I might be in shock." Percy announced and stumbled away. Marcus quickly followed him and Hermione had the pleasure of watching him grope his arse. Rolling her eyes at their antics, she could see Draco giving Cedric the stink eye.
"Diggory! I told you to watch out for Harry and he comes back like this? I expect an explanation for your actions after we get cleaned up. I hope you know you have lost your Harry privileges! Neville, spread the world that Diggory tumbled out of a wall with my beloved." He scooped Harry up and stomped away.
"Malfoy! I finally got the rumors cleared up!" She heard Harry's voice as he said "he refused to pinch my cheeks too Draco!"
"Harry!" Cedric complained, trailing after them.
"I don't know why he even tries." Ron muttered to Neville and he nodded his agreement.

~~~~~~

Remus helped the last student and rolled the kink out of his neck. He had been standing in the entrance hall for three hours answering questions for all of the children.
"Here sir! I brought you a sandwich." A shy Slytherin student offered. He gratefully accepted it and took a bite.
"Thank you Miss. Miller! If you need any more help with the summoning charm, please don't hesitate to write to me." She nodded and scampered off.
"Hello Remus!" The Headmaster came up behind him. He took another bite of his sandwich as he watched him. This man was responsible for getting him fired. Whoever he hired was obviously lacking in any type of defense training and the students were suffering from it.
"I know you're upset with me but it was for the best!" Dumbledore finally said, his hands clasped together.
"For the best? What about the children taking their OWLs or NEWTs this year? How will they pass when their teacher can't even help them with the written work?" He couldn't help his irritation. Albus was purposely stunting the students' growth! All because he was a petty old man! He was about to rant some more when he heard his sweet Fleur yell out "Pater! There you are!" She skipped up to him and took his hand.
"Did you have fun, dear?" She grinned brightly and said "yes! Hermione gave me some more tips on dealing with my bullies." The girl in question just shrugged and said "please owl me if you need any more help! I'd be happy to stop by and give a more hands on approach." He watched Neville grimace as Ron patted his shoulder.
"Alright children. We should probably be going back. We will see you for Yule okay?" They all shouted their goodbyes and he looked around for Draco or Harry. Hermione noticed his look and whispered "Harry got dirty so Draco is helping him clean up." Remus looked at the ceiling and took a deep breath.
"Please don't let Sirius hear that. He would have a heart attack." She giggled and he gave them a wave.
"Headmaster." He said coldly and they left.
"You didn't get into any trouble, love? Your parents would be upset." Fleur just gave him a secret smile.
"Sorry Pater! What happens in HFC, stays in HFC!"