Fanboy Draco Malfoy Convinces Harry Potter to Marry Him!

Weasley Family Smackdown-Bellatrix Really Likes Butterscotch

Sirius buried deeper into his blankets. Severus had spent the night and it was much needed. Ever since Harry left for school, he'd been so bored. Perhaps he would get a hobby? Maybe he could start raising kneazles? Wait, he was allergic to cats.
"Love, are you going to lay there all day?" Sev was leaning against the bathroom door, a towel slung low on his hips. Sirius sat up quickly and ogled at him.
"Maybe you could join me?" Sev got that look in his eyes and crept closer.
"Perhaps I could." He purred and Sirius eagerly waited for the towel to drop. A loud bang echoed downstairs ruined their moment and they both jumped. They exchanged looks and quickly got dressed. Creeping down the hall with their wands out, he stopped when he saw a giant circle covered in snakes. The Diggory boy was attempting to pick it back up.
"Come on Diggory! Put your back into it! You got yourself into this mess, now get yourself out of it!" Little Malfoy was barking out, his hands on his hips.
"What exactly are you doing?" A squeal came from down the hall and he had his arms full of his sweet godson.
"Sirius! We called out for you but you must not have heard!" Harry grinned, his hair in a ponytail on top of his head. So cute!
"Shouldn't you be at Hogwarts, pup?" He wondered how the children managed to sneak out without alerting the teachers.
"I had Kreacher pop us over! I needed to get my door before someone else thought of stealing it!" Sirius looked at the creepy door before asking "stealing it?"
"Don't worry, Lord Black. Bubbles said Harry could have it." Diggory answered, somehow managing to get the door upright.
"Who's Bubbles?" Sev used his wand to float the door down the hall into Harry's room. A snake fell out of Harry's shirt. It was hissing wildly, thumping its tail on the ground in agitation.
"This is Bubbles! He was trying to eat me, Cedric, Marcus and Percy but I convinced him not to! He was living in the walls at Hogwarts and he used to be a basilisk so make sure he keeps his goggles on!" Once Sirius managed to comprehend all the information Harry babbled out, he said "nope." Picking up his godson, he snagged Malfoy by the collar and dragged them onto the coffee table.
"Sev! Call the Auror's. Harry brought home a basilisk." Harry wiggled out of his grip and picked the creature up.
"Don't do that, Mr. Severus! Bubble's is just lonely. I thought he could be Sirius's friend so he had company when we're away!" Harry's look broke his heart. He looked at the XXXXX creature and sighed.
"So I just have to make sure his goggles stay on?"

~~~~~~

Draco still couldn't believe Diggory had let his darling go to the Chamber of Secrets! He could have gotten hurt or stuck down there! He took Harry's hand as he tried to calm down his anxiety.
"I'm sorry for making you worry, Draco." He rubbed their noses together before responding.
"Please take me with you next time, my heart. I don't care if I'm doing something, I'd rather be with you. I can't stand the idea of you getting hurt." Harry agreed and they stood back to admire their new door. Harry had convinced the snakes to let Draco through if he said the secret password.
"Pup, are you sure Bubble's won't eat me?" Sirius looked nervous as the snake tasted the air around his face. Draco crossed his fingers that the basilisk would at least take a nibble out of Lord Black so he could have some alone time with Harry. Their school was so crowded sometimes.
"Don't worry, Siri! Bubble's promised he wouldn't eat any living two legs!" Lord Black didn't look convinced as the snake ate a sausage but still eyed him hungrily.
"Sure pup. Good to know!"
"You should probably be getting back to school" his Uncle said as he came around the corner.
"We'll go with you! Andy owes me money from a bet!" Draco rolled his eyes at the dog-like man and they all went through the floo. Arriving in his godfather's office, he was surprised to see Luna waiting for them.
"The whispers told me Lockhart is about to lose it!" She said gleefully, her eyes focused for once. Diggory gave a whoop and said "lead the way, Luna! I hope he found the frogs!" They all trampled after her and ended up in the Great Hall. Lord Black joined them at the Gryffindor table and they waited. A little while later, the doors slammed against the wall and Lockhart appeared looking absolutely feral.
"Where is he? I know that little brat ruined everything! He needs to be punished!" Lockhart's eyes fell on Harry and his mouth formed into a snarl.
"Come here now, boy!" Before Lockhart could take another step, eighty pounds of fury tackled him to the ground. The redhead had him in a headlock and was screeching insults.
"You leave Harry alone, you pervert!" Ginny Weasley socked him in the nose and the rest of the Weasley family descended on him. The students started cheering as one of the twins elbow dropped him. The only one trying to keep some order was Dumbledore. Professor McGonagall was handing out points for every hit. Auror's swarmed the room and got the redheaded family off of him.
"Gilderoy Lockhart, you are arrested for obliviating twenty two people." He saw Lady Bones wave at her niece as they escorted him away.
"Merlin, is it always like that around here?" Lord Black asked and Diggory answered with "only when Harry's involved." Draco straightened his shoulders and helped the Weasley girl up.
"Weasley, I don't like you but I do like your passion in defending Harry. If you'll sign the contract, I would be happy to accept your membership to HFC."
"Malfoy, I don't like you either but Harry's important to both of us so I would be happy to join." They shook hands.
"Herm will inform you of our next meeting." He went back to Harry and kissed the back of his hand. The things he did for love.

~~~~~~

Ron grinned at his sister. He had never been more proud of her.
"Ginny! Next time you attack someone, go for the eyes first." Percy advised her. Marcus wrapped his arms around him and said dreamily "I don't think I've ever been so attracted to you." The twins were signing other students' parchment like they were famous.
"You guys aren't going to tell mum right? She'd make me spend an hour crocheting." Grinny said in disgust. Ron had always felt bad for his little sister. His parents had been so excited to finally have a girl, they never stopped to think that maybe Ginny didn't want to play with dolls or help their mum in the kitchen.
"We won't tell them!" Ron promised her.
"And I'll make sure Colin doesn't sell any pictures outside of school." Herm said, cracking her knuckles and heading for Creevey.
"Hi Gin! Thanks for helping me." Harry was hiding behind Draco.
"I'm happy to help you Harry! Please let me know if I can do anything for you." Ron grimaced at his sister's devotion. A couple of meetings with Draco would kill that right away. The other boy would drown them in the Swamp with his bare hands if he got a whiff that they liked Harry more than a friend. He took after Mrs. Malfoy in that regard.
"I wonder who's going to take over the Defense position." Draco mused out loud. Not even five minutes later, the doors were flung dramatically open to reveal Mr. Malfoy.
"Hello children! Daddy has come to teach you Defense!" He spun Harry around and peppered his face with kisses.
"Don't worry dear. Mummy made sure Lockhart won't survive Azkaban." Ron reminded himself to never cross the Malfoy family. They were all batshit crazy.
"Lord Malfoy, what are you doing here?" The Headmaster approached them, Professor McGonagall at his side.
"Hello Albus. The board heard about your sudden vacancy and approached me with an offer I simply couldn't refuse!"
"I see. The board can't just appoint any of the teaching staff without the Headmaster's approval." Ron scowled at how fake the Headmaster's voice sounded. Professor McGonagall cleared her throat.
"But they can with the Deputy's approval." He had never seen Professor Dumbledore so surprised before. The twins high-fived each other before hugging Professor McGonagall.
"We knew you loved to cause chaos like us! Pranksters recognize pranksters!" She gave them a sly smile before saying "I have no clue what you boys are talking about."

~~~~~~

Gilderoy Lockhart didn't know how everything went so wrong so fast. He was on top of the world before he accepted that horrid teaching position! He had men and women falling at his feet and he gave it all up to help mold the minds of children. Look where it got him! In a ministry holding cell, awaiting trial over his little accidents. He hadn't meant to obliviate those people! He was just clumsy and had tripped while waving his wand. Happened all the time.
"Lockhart, you're up!" The guard hadn't even let him freshen up! The injustice of it all, he sniffed. He sat in a chair in the middle of the room and squeaked when the chains restrained him to the chair. Twenty witches and wizards filled in and the trial began. He felt himself pale when he realized he was facing a Malfoy lawyer. Everyone knew they were as vicious as a snake. The longer his trial went on, the more nervous he became.
"We'll call Mr. Lockhart to testify." No one came to let him out of his chair so he waited.
"How do you cast a patronus spell?" One of the witches asked, her eyebrows thick enough to belong to a troll. Ugh, ugly people.
"Well I personally would use Pasta Patronus. I find it makes one's patronus stronger." It was dead silent before another witch asked.
"And how would you cast the charm to heal a cut?" He gave her a winning smile before responding with "singultus!" The crowd muttered before the Malfoy lawyer said "no further questions." Ten minutes later, the jury had decided on a verdict. He gave the lawyers a smug smile as he waited to hear the announcement of his innocence. Once he was free, he was going to give that Potter brat something to cry about. He didn't deserve his fame or his fans. The little freak was ugly and stupid. Not like him. He had clawed his way to the top and he would do it again.
"We find Gilderoy Lockhart guilty. He will be sent to Azkaban for twenty years. If he manages to survive the encounter, he will be subject to monthly meetings where he will submit his wand for evaluation to make sure he is following the law."
"What? You can't put me in Azkaban! I'm Gilderoy Lockhart, darling of the wizarding world!" Madam Bones gave him a nasty smile and said "Harry Potter is actually the wizarding world's sweetheart."
He was stunned and shipped off to Azkaban. He would later find himself in a cell with Bellatrix Black. She was watching him as he woke up.
"I don't like Potter but Cissy said she would bring me a butterscotch if I terrorized you. I like butterscotch." The crazed woman rasped out.
He banged on the cell to no avail.
"Potter!" He screamed. In a castle hundreds of miles away, Harry Potter sneezed and continued eating his pudding.