They Rely On Hope. What Do I Rely On? - Tommyinnit Adoption AU

Chapter 1

A/N: Hi! This one is gonna be a sad one, as are most Tommyinnit Adoption AUs. It is however, going to be different, I don't want it to be identical to every other story like this, and while it will share similar ideas, I hope it will be different too. Please, PLEASE, DON'T read this if you are not in a safe condition to do so. Be aware of the trigger warnings and look after yourself. If there is a part where you have to skip one chapter, feel free to ask for a summary! (I'll put summaries at the end of the worse chapters)

(Also Tommy is 13 in this btw)

TW: Mention of Suic!de, abuse, blood and anxiety

It's funny how much humans rely on hope. How without hope we are nothing.

Tommy had seen someone loose hope once.

The then 8 year old boy, who had been same age as Tommy at the time, had been carted away.

His foster parents of the time had claimed he was just sick, but Tommy had seen his brother's unmoving body.

He had seen the lack of breath mixed in deep with the lack of hope.

The death.

Tommy hadn't stayed there much longer, Puffy had come to collect him. Said something about abuse.

He had been abused but he had stopped caring by then.

He clearly deserved it.

After all, the abuse had been with him as long as he could remember.

Even if he hadn't done anything he could remember to deserve it, fate had decided he wasn't worth a good life, so, he didn't hope for one.

He, like Tubbo, had no hope. He, however, refused to die.

He refused to lose to the foster system.

The system that had killed Tubbo.

"Tommy?" Puffy asked gently dragging him back to reality. Shit, what had she asked him?

"Sorry, I was just thinking, what did you say?" Tommy asked numbly. He knew by now Puffy wouldn't hurt him. She was weird. The only one who didn't hurt him.

Puffy would always say stuff about how he didn't deserve it, or how it wasn't normal to be abused like he had been. She always tried to protect him, but he didn't really care enough.

"What did they do to you this time Tommy?" Puffy asked, and Tommy knew that hadn't been her original question. He shouldn't have said he was thinking, he knew that made her worry.

"Just the normal stuff."

"Nothing you go through is normal Tommy."

"Normal for me."

"I'm sorry."

"What did you say earlier?" Tommy asked, wanting to know what she had originally said.

"I told you that I hope this next one will be better, and asked if you had been given food."

Ahh, that was where the thoughts about hope had come from. Hope was something he didn't have, but he also didn't rely on it the way everyone else did.

Tommy didn't hope for a better life. He didn't hope for an even ok one. He didn't hope for the pain to stop. He just survived, knowing he couldn't lose this deadly game.

So, he shook his head gently, letting Puffy know he had not been fed. He rarely liked food, but he ate it. He ate it because he had to, even if it all tasted like shit. He ate it because it used to make Tubbo happy when Tommy ate. Tommy wished he had done more to make his brother happy. He wished Tubbo had been happy enough, hopeful enough, to stay with Tommy. But now- now Tubbo was gone. Dead.

Puffy nodded at him gently, before slowly standing up. Tommy appreciated that. Puffy's slowness made him feel safer. He knew she could run if she wanted to. He knew she could throw herself across the room in a second. She had done so on many of the occasions she had had to save Tommy. She moved fast to protect him, but slowly to ease his anxiety. He might have accepted his life, but that didn't mean he wasn't scared. It didn't mean he didn't hurt. It didn't mean he didn't hate it. It just meant he would survive.

That had been Tubbo's only request in his scribbled note for Tommy after all.

"Don't follow me. Live for me. I love you."

9 agonising words he would never forget.

"The next house is a while away, Tommy. We'll get food on the way, ok?"

Tommy simply nodded, picking up his bag and slowly following her outside.

He found his usual spot in the back of Puffy's car and he curled up around his bag, leaning on the door.

He closed his eyes, and felt Puffy's gaze land on him. He didn't care too much. Didn't have the energy to. She was Puffy. She was safe. She was nice. He could sleep. So, he did.

He had lied to Puffy. The last house had been shit. Worse then the usual abuse, although no where near the worst of the houses he had been in. This place hadn't fed him more then scraps. They had never let him sleep, and every time he lost consciousness, he would awake in a room full of smashed glass, covered in deep, bleeding cuts. They would leave him there for days, with just the tiniest bit of water, until they decided he had learnt his lesson for falling asleep.

Sleep was good. He was safe now, so sleep could be good around Puffy. He knew he wouldn't sleep much until Puffy found him once more. So he gave into the exhaustion, letting sleep overtake him as Puffy drove.

His sleep, for once, was not plagued by nightmares. He could only be grateful for that mercy.

He had slept deeply until Puffy spoke again, dragging him back into consciousness.

"Could I get a Big Mac meal, Coke for the drink, and a 6 piece chicken nuggets. Oh and a strawberry milkshake."

Tommy sighed quietly, making sure Puffy could not hear it. He had hoped for more then just chicken nuggets. He adored chicken nuggets yes, but he was starving. Oh well, chicken nuggets would be fine, and he knew the coke was for him too.

Puffy paid at the window, then when the food arrived, she kept the milkshake, passing the rest back to Tommy.

"Did you want your burger?"

"That's for you Tommy. You looked hungry."

Oh. That was nice. He was hungry. So, he took the burger and he ate it as quickly as he could, washing it down with the coke.

"Hey, careful Tommy, not so fast, take it slow mate," Puffy reminded, and he slowed down just as she had told him to.

Word count (excluding TWs and A/Ns): 1000

A/N: I'm genuinely so happy it ended on exactly 1000 words- it's so perfect- (also other chapters will probably be longer then this one, but each will vary in length and will just end when I feel the chapter is coming to a close)