They Rely On Hope. What Do I Rely On? - Tommyinnit Adoption AU

Chapter 15

TW: mentions of abuse and death

Tommy accepted Techno's offer to leave, and vanished through the halls to his next class. He sat by the door, waiting for the end of lunch and thinking over what had just happened.

He had been picked on, which was a common thing that he was used to, and it had turned into a fight, also common, and then Techno had arrived, and that was where it turned into something that had never happened before. No kid had ever stepped in to protect Tommy except Tubbo, who had never been very successful, and usually it was Tommy protecting his twin, not the other way around.

In the past Tommy had been saved by teachers of course, with them breaking up fights and sending both him and the other kid involved to the office, but it was only ever teachers. Never another kid.

Then Techno had said Tommy was under his protection, and implied Tommy belonged to him, which had led Tommy to think he'd be stuck working for him, but that hadn't happened either. Techno had just let him leave. He hadn't saved Tommy to keep the pleasure of beating him up to himself. He hadn't saved Tommy so he owed Techno a favour. He had just saved him and let him go. That was what was the weirdest part of it all.

Tommy wanted to trust Techno. He really, really did. He wanted to, but he couldn't. What Techno had done didn't make sense. There had to be a motive Tommy couldn't see. There had to be a reason. It felt like there wasn't a reason, but there had to be. Tommy wanted so much to trust Techno. He wanted to follow Techno to the rest of the group and know he was safe, but he wasn't. One day Techno would come calling back, demanding something, anything from Tommy, and Tommy would have no choice.

This was Tommy's life. This was his constant. The lack of trust was what kept him going. He knew better then to trust people. They always turned on him. Every. Single. Time.

There had been a few Tommy had trusted. He's pretty sure he trusted his birth parents, but he doesn't remember them. He definitely trusted Tubbo, but Tubbo is gone now. He trusted his first foster parents, that didn't last long. He trusted another set of foster parents, around a year later. They turned on him not long after gaining his trust. That had hurt more them anyone who had never earned his trust, because that had broken this heart. He had thought he and Tubbo had finally found their forever homes. They hadn't. Puffy had arrived not long after Tommy's painful discovery.

Since that house, Tommy had learnt 2 things. 1, never trust anyone, they always turn on you in the end, even if it's weeks or even months later, and 2, never hope. Hope is what breaks you the most. Hope was what killed Tubbo. Tommy wouldn't let it kill him. If he never hoped, he would never break like that.

So, Tommy took his own advice. He followed his own rules. He didn't trust the odd group and he didn't hope they might deserve his trust. That was why he was sitting here, alone, outside his next class, instead of with the group he couldn't ever trust.

Sure, he wished he could trust them. He'd go as far as to say he wanted to be a part of their group, they seemed fun, but he knew better then to trust how people act when they first meet you. He had seen how quickly people changed once Puffy was gone or once Tommy seemed to trust them. He knew manipulation, and he knew it was often impossible to see coming. He would not risk himself like that. So, he sat, numbly staring down the hallway, waiting for lunch to be over and his class to start.

Lunch lasted far too long for Tommy's taste. Sitting with his thoughts meant he had to force off a spiral. So, he was grateful when it ended and students started arriving. He scanned the class for people he knew. There were faces he recognised from many of the classes he had, but no one from the group so far. The teacher arrived, introduced himself to Tommy, and told him were to sit. Tommy sat, and less then a minute later, with students still trickling in, he recognised someone.

Purpled it seemed, was in this class. He was walking directly over to Tommy, and his grin widened when they made eye contact. Tommy looked down, hoping he would pass by, but he sat next to him.

"Hey! We're in the same class AND you were put next to me!" Purple beamed, and Tommy nodded, forcing a fake smile. He had gotten somewhat good at fake smiles over the years. He had to pretend he was ok at school, he had to pretend he didn't want to break down wherever he was and he had to make certain foster parents happy, some hated his usual lack of a smile.

More recently, or well since Tubbo's death really, Tommy had stopped faking a smile at school. He just went through the motions, learning the subjects, ignoring other kids, slipping through life as though nothing mattered, because only one thing did matter to him and that was survival. He didn't bother faking happiness, because it didn't help his survival. He didn't waste his time with friends, because that only damaged it. He just did what he needed to do. That was it.

Tommy simply survived. He did not live, and he knew that, and he was ok with that. He didn't need to smile and have friends and enjoy stuff, he needed to beat the system and make Tubbo proud. That was what he needed to do. That was it. He did not need friends. He did not want them. He did not want Purpled. He simply wanted survival.

Words: 1000

A/N: my sister discovered bribery- she said if I got 3 chapters out today she'd make me a cake, I'm doing my best XD, so expect 3 chapters today I guess lol, (I rlly want this cake)