They Rely On Hope. What Do I Rely On? - Tommyinnit Adoption AU

Chapter 71

A/N: mentions of Abuse, description of panic attack

Tommy followed closely behind Puffy and Phil as they left the hospital, heading towards the office. Then, when they split up, saying they'd meet there, Tommy followed Puffy. He was pretty sure that's what he was supposed to do. Something about Puffy making sure he really was ok with it? Well she hadn't actually said that, but he thought so.

Tommy's guess was proven right when Puffy spent the entire trip asking him questions about Phil and the other kids and if he felt safe. Tommy knew some people would get annoyed by it, but he didn't. Puffy was just voicing Tommy's own fears, and trying to work out how realistic they were. She was right to be worried, after all he was Tommy. The only thing that would make more sense then worry would have to be a complete lack of care, which is pretty common for social workers, but Puffy wasn't like that. Tommy was pretty sure Puffy would die before detaching herself from one of the kids she worked for. She just didn't work like that. She probably couldn't function that way even if she wanted to. Tommy was grateful for that. Spending time with Puffy was his only break from the pain.

When they arrived, they did the same thing that happened for plenty of foster homes, with some added stuff since Phil hadn't officially been looking for a foster kid before Tommy. It was a fairly boring routine, but Tommy knew it technically made him safer, because at least Puffy would know where he was and all that stuff. It meant Puffy was closer, and that much felt safer.

When they were done with the paperwork, Puffy turned back to Tommy, talking to him, although making sure Phil heard.

"You have my number, and I want a phone call from you every day, if I don't get one I will come and find out if you're ok. I'm just being extra cautious. Also I'm going to come to visit you once a week each week in person until I feel that you really are safe, is that ok?"

Tommy nodded, Puffy had shown that level of protection before, it was more common after worse houses, or going into houses she didn't trust, or felt were too closely connected to someone dangerous. It had saved Tommy from a few of the worst houses. Of course she couldn't do it all the time, and she couldn't do it for long, but she did try. She always tried. That was what mattered to Tommy. That was what had kept him with some sense of the word safety.

Puffy turned to Phil and when he nodded accepting the words, she smiled, relaxing slightly. Something in that made Tommy trust Phil slightly more. If Puffy wanted to trust him as well, and it was clear she wanted to, then maybe Phil really was safe.

"Do you want to come visit him next week Saturday? Or after school one day? Or...?" Phil asked, leaving it clear that Puffy to chose whatever time she wanted.

"Saturday will work well," She said to Phil, before turning back to Tommy, "I'll see you in a week then."

Tommy felt the relief filling him, one week and one day, then Puffy would be back and he'd be able to escape if he needed to. He could survive a week. He could do that. How hard could it be? He'd be ok.

Phil offered to drive Tommy back to the hospital to check on Techno, so that Puffy could go to the other kid she needed to meet with. Once Tommy had nodded, letting Puffy know it was ok, she agreed.

Tommy followed Phil out of the room quietly, with one last look at Puffy who was sorting the papers together. She gave him a hopeful smile, and Tommy did his best to replicate it, before turning back to follow Phil. Maybe this would be ok. Maybe he would be ok. He wondered if they would hit him. He wondered how long it would take before they did. Would they wait until Puffy stopped checking in regularly? He knew that some houses did that, although plenty didn't care, and just forced him to lie to her and claim he was fine. He wondered what Phil and his family would be like once Tommy was officially theirs to use however they pleased.

Tommy had to admit that with every minute as they drove that he got further from Puffy, the fear edged higher and higher up his throat, turning from worry, to stress, to dread, to terror. What if he'd been wrong? What if this was the worst house yet? What if this house was the one he died in? He couldn't. He couldn't die. He'd promised Tubbo. He- he- he couldn't die- he needed to survive this. He needed to.

"Tommy?" Phil asked quietly, looking over at him, "Are you ok?"

Tommy nodded, trying to shove down the panic. Don't show it. Don't show it. He was ok. He had to be ok. He had to at least look ok. Please say Phil didn't notice his weakness. Please. Tommy was practically screaming at himself, trying to hide everything. Trying to hide his shaking hands which were now shoved in his pocket. Trying to hide his panicked eyes which were now looking out the window, wishing they could dart back to check Phil wasn't going to hit him. Trying to hide his hyperventilating breathes, choosing to hold his breath instead. He'd survive. He'd survive because Phil wouldn't notice. Phil couldn't notice. Tommy couldn't let him.

Eventually Tommy got control of himself enough to breathe at a normal breath, although he wasn't sure if Phil noticed the first sudden intake of breath after so long of Tommy holding his breath. When he looked over, Phil was watching the road, although regularly Phil's eyes flicked to him. Danger. That meant danger. Phil was mad. That's all that made sense.

Words: 1000

A/N: just a little warning, I have exams over the next week or so, which is why my upload schedule has lessoned, I'm not uploading less often forever, but I can't promise a good upload schedule for the next week or so, I should be good after that though :] (I wrote this chapter over a few seperate moments where I had time/was taking a break, instead of writing it all at once on one day and posting on the same day) give me a week and I'll be back to normal hopefully