They Rely On Hope. What Do I Rely On? - Tommyinnit Adoption AU

Chapter 60

TW: mentions of: abuse, murder, trauma, injuries, and blood. Depictions of: violence, fighting, panic attack,

Tommy was shaking. For the hundredth time he was fucking shaking! He was so fucking weak. He couldn't do anything. Couldn't even face Dream. He'd had worse. He'd gone through worse. Hell, the last house had been worse, so why did Dream make him feel so exhausted and terrified and useless and broken? Why? What had he done? What was different? Was Tommy just getting weaker?

Tommy could feel himself shake and sob in Eret's arms. He could feel his body give way to the panic even as Eret promised he'd be ok. He could feel the need to plead for forgiveness, the need to apologise, and yet he couldn't force out a word. He could feel the way Eret held him close like she was terrified of loosing him. Like how he had so often held Tubbo. Protective of his brother. Protective. But that couldn't be right. It couldn't.

"You're safe here, I promise. No one is coming in here. Kristin won't let them and neither will Techno. I promise you're safe."

Tommy tried to stifle his sobs, tried to steady the shaking, tried to seem ok but it was so hard. It was so fucking hard. He didn't move though. He didn't pull away to try to protect himself, because for perhaps the first time in a long, long time, Tommy felt safe in the presence of another person. Tommy felt safe. He felt safe. He wasn't questioning the truth behind Eret's promises. He wasn't questioning the reason for why she seemed to care, he just felt safe. He trusted her and it terrified him.

"You're guardian, the person who's here, is he the one who scared you last night?" Eret asked once Tommy had calmed down somewhat. He didn't know how long it had taken, but Eret hadn't seemed to mind.

"Y-yes," Tommy said, his voice breaking slightly, filled with fear. Would Eret judge him for that? Would she stop caring? Would she hurt him? It had happened before. It could easily happen again.

"Do you have someone else that is safe to be around or is it just us?" Eret asked. Tommy hesitated, if he told the truth, she might get in contact with Puffy, and maybe Tommy would lose the first people since Tubbo that he was beginning to trust. He didn't want that. He couldn't go through that, but on the other hand, if he said he was alone, it would paint him as vulnerable, an easy target, and he'd rather lose them by moving to a different house, then lose his trust in them because they turned out to be as bad as everyone else.

"Yes," Tommy whispered, wishing he could disappear, or that this conversation wasn't happening or that he could just know what was going to happen.

"Do you want me to call them?" Eret asked softly, and Tommy shook his head. He didn't want Puffy here. He didn't know what he was going to do when Puffy found out about this, but he couldn't let her take him away. Not now.

"Ok," Eret said, accepting the answer as easily as anything else. It was hard but Eret had understood. She smiled at him gently, a tinge of sadness echoing in the expression, before asking another question, "Is there anything you need?"

Again, Tommy shook his head. He may be starting to trust Eret, but that didn't mean he was going to risk asking for something. He knew the dangers of that and he couldn't face Eret's reaction to it.

Eret gave him another one of her sad smiles and pulled him closer into a hug, holding him tightly and yet loosely, as though not wanting to trap him, and yet also wanting to never let him go. Maybe, just maybe, Tommy liked it. It felt safe. Safe was good. Safe was rare. Safe was to be treasured.

So, he treasured it.

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Techno POV: ⚠️ Violence Trigger Warning, here onwards ⚠️