They Rely On Hope. What Do I Rely On? - Tommyinnit Adoption AU

Chapter 83

TW: mentions of abuse, death, neglect, panic attacks, anxiety

Once the deconstructed furniture was in the car, they moved towards a different shop, with Tommy following them, pretty sure that's what he was supposed to do. Phil led him to a clothes shop and told him to pick out anything he wanted, to which Tommy instantly shook his head.

"I'm ok, I have clothes," Tommy said, pulling up a smile in an attempt to convince Phil not to buy it for him. Bed and drawers could easily be used by someone else, but clothes were his size and much less reusable.

"How many clothes do you have?"

"One hoodie, 3 jeans and 3 shirts. It's already far more then I need, don't worry," Tommy replied, looking at his feet. He knew it was already too much, and they fit him too. Most places he had clothes that barely fit him, and usually only one set. 3 sets was a luxury, and Tommy knew they wouldn't have any intention of buying him anything now. That was ok though.

"Tommy..." Wilbur sighed, and he looked heartbroken as he said it. He was looking at Tommy as though he was a wounded puppy and somehow it made Tommy feel even more uncomfortable then when Wilbur had seemed slightly annoyed. Tommy stared at Wilbur, waiting for him to continue, but Wilbur just stared sadly back at him. Tommy wanted to snap at Wilbur to get him to stop looking at him like that but he knew that wasn't a good idea.

"Tommy, you can have more then that, it's fine, how about you get at least three more shirts, and we can go shopping again sometimes if you want more," Phil suggested, and Tommy accepted it instantly. He was terrified that if he didn't accept he'd either be called ungrateful, or Wilbur would try to convince him to get even more.

For half a second Wilbur opened his mouth, ready to argue, but then he sighed and nodded, walking into the store with Tommy. At least 3. That was what Phil had said. Ok, so Tommy would get three. He could do that. He scanned the shop quickly finding a banner saying that certain shirts were 20% off. Perfect. He started to walk over to them before he heard Wilbur yell his name. He spun around, searching for Wilbur, and he groaned inwardly when he saw Wilbur waving him over to what he knew weren't the discounted ones. He didn't know why Wilbur was doing that. He didn't understand it at all.

When Tommy arrived next to Wilbur and noticed the shirt he was holding, he sighed in relief. It wasn't fancy or anything, just a simple white teeshirt with red sleeves. Tommy was surprised at this for a moment, but then he smiled, because in all honesty, Wilbur had managed to pick out something Tommy actually liked. Normally he just chose something other people would like, dull colours, but not blacks. Nothing to make him stand out. Nothing to make him different. Nothing to make him more of a target.

"I thought you might like this," Wilbur said, "It's fine if you don't, it just seemed right I guess? I don't know."

"I like it, thank you," Tommy murmured, easing Wilbur's worry. He was glad he could do that. He could see the stress building up in Wilbur's mind and he recognised it with his own. He knew what it was like to panic about what someone else thought, he just didn't understand why Wilbur cared what Tommy thought. Even with Tommy's confusion as to why, his guess was confirmed as relief filled Wilbur's face when Tommy confirmed it was fine.

Tommy then took a deep breath and took the shirt from Wilbur, before returning to the discounted section, with Wilbur following behind him. Wilbur didn't argue as Tommy picked out two cheaper shirts, although he did point out a brighter version to the dull blue shirt he had selected and Tommy agreed, simply to appease Wilbur, and it's not like he had any intentions of not wearing his hoodie anytime soon anyway.

Once the three shirts had been selected, Tommy returned to Phil, who had stood back a little bit, giving them more room in the small aisle, that at least, Tommy appreciated. Phil looked at the shirts and nodded, seemingly happy with the choice, and he walked to the counter, quickly paying for them.

After that, they moved to a different store, this one with more general stuff. Tommy didn't understand why they were there at all. Nothing here was an essential Tommy needed to have so that Puffy wouldn't get upset.

"Do you have a comfort thing, Tommy?" Wilbur asked, his voice soft, and when Tommy tilted his head in confusion, Wilbur clarified, "Do you have something that gives you comfort when you have it around? I have a blue sheep plush that I've had for as long as I can remember and I have a necklace Sally gave me. Techno has a pig plush and a weighted blanket."

"Uh, no I don't think I have anything like that," Tommy replied slowly. He never really got stuff other then what was absolutely necessary to keep Puffy off peoples back. The few times he had gotten something they had either taken it back before he left or the next house threw it out. He used to have Tubbo's bee plush that he took everywhere after Tubbo's death, but that hadn't lasted long before it had been taken away as a punishment for something and then was never returned.

"Ok, let's find you that then, we can just wander around the shop and see if there's anything you like. It can be whatever really, plushies can be great for panic attacks, I squeeze mine to lessen anxiety when it gets bad."

Tommy nodded numbly, accepting Wilbur's words, not completely sure if this was a good idea. Why did Wilbur want him to have something like that? Was it to be taken away as soon as Tommy made any mistake? Well, that was still better then a punch to the face. He did worry that he wasn't supposed to buy anything, but Wilbur suggested it, and he was pretty sure Wilbur would be severely unimpressed if Tommy didn't get anything.

"You two stick together, Wil, call me if you need anything, I'll be back soon," Phil instructed, and once he'd gotten a nod from both of them, he left. Tommy hadn't really that from Phil, but he was used to adults just leaving him wherever, so he really shouldn't be all that surprised.

"Cool, let's go look over here," Wilbur suggested, walking over to a selection of plushies. Nervously, Tommy followed behind him. All of a sudden he got a strong feeling someone was watching him. He whipped his head around, scanning for people. No one was there and Tommy quickly relaxed. It wasn't real. He got those feelings far more often then he'd like to admit, and they weren't all that accurate. It was probably because he was always on edge or something. He knew he was just imagining it, so he shoved the feeling down and followed Wilbur. He hated that he had so little control. Hated that at some point in his life he'd become so used to danger that he sensed it wherever he went, no matter how safe it was. Sure, he never felt fully safe, but he knew sometimes he wasn't actually in danger and his brain just told him he was. He usually tried to trust his gut, but no one was there, so he knew he was wrong.

He let Wilbur's search for a comfort item distract him, and he followed suit. Eventually he settled on an small spider plush that was attached to a keychain. He showed it to Wilbur, who gave it a look before shaking his head slightly. Oh, yeah, spiders. People hated spiders and they hated Tommy for liking spiders. Tommy inwardly cursed himself for making such a stupid mistake, and he looked to Wilbur who was now searching the pile of toys. He wondered if Wilbur was about to hit him, or if he had moved on. He watched Wilbur, anxiously waiting for some sign of what he planned to do to Tommy. All at once Wilbur's arms shot back and Tommy instantly flinched away, his hands going up to protect his head. He tried to recover when he saw Wilbur wasn't aiming a fist at him, but it was too late, Wilbur had seen the flinch.

"Tommy? Tommy I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to- I'm not going to hurt you I swear, I was just excited to show you this," Wilbur rambled, before revealing what had caused him to move so suddenly. It was a bigger spider plush, about the size of Tommy's head. Wilbur reached out towards him, and Tommy forced himself not to move away, accepting the plushy Wilbur held out to him. Oh. Oh...

Words: 1500

A/N: my sister got covid, so this chapter is a bit of a "get well and don't get me sick pls" gift I guess XD