They Rely On Hope. What Do I Rely On? - Tommyinnit Adoption AU

Chapter 41

TW: SH, blood, mentions of abuse, vague description of ?dissociating?

Tommy lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling for hours. He couldn't sleep even though he desperately needed to, and quite frankly he didn't want to. He didn't want to face whatever his dreams might hold, so he lay, staring numbly up as he analysed the cracks in the ceiling above him.

Tommy's arms screeched with pain every time he moved slightly, but that wasn't what was keeping him awake. No, it was his own stupid mind. He stared at the ceiling but each crack faded into blood, the cracked ceiling turning into his cracked arms, and all to quickly his minds eye would fall back to a few hours earlier and stare as he watched his own hand move to cut his arm. Eventually he'd snap back to reality and another few minutes would have passed, but all to quickly he'd fade again.

Maybe those flashes were dreams and he just didn't sleep for long or maybe his mind was a broken mess, Tommy didn't know.

Eventually the hours had fully slipped by and it was time for Tommy to get up. He didn't make a sound as he let his aching body into the shower, even though he wanted to groan at the effort. He didn't flinch when he cleaned away the dried blood, nor when he bandaged it once more. He simply took it, too scared of messing up to do anything else.

Once the cuts were dealt with and carefully hidden, Tommy checked his face, finally meeting his own eyes in the mirror. He let out a silent sigh as he came face to face with one so awfully bruised. If Tommy was honest though, he knew this face far better then he knew one free of bruising.

Carefully Tommy applied the makeup, hiding his bruising from the world. Then he took a deep breath and slipped downstairs to do the morning's work.

He found his way to the list Dream had left him and saw the knife that had haunted his sleep lying right next to it. Written on the paper was the normal list in black ink, but in red at the top it read "I told you to take the knife with you everywhere. Take it. It was a mistake to leave it behind. You know what to do." So simple... so painful...

Tommy numbly picked up the knife and stared at it for a long moment. He didn't want to do this, but if Dream checked, Tommy knew he'd be furious if Tommy hadn't done it. Tommy simply had no choice.

Numbly he found his way back up the stairs and into the bathroom he had cleaned the blood away a few minutes prior. He took a few deep breaths, then let his mind fade from his body, becoming unattached from his own skin. It was as though he was watching from a distance as he lowered the knife onto his own arm, carefully slitting the skin. All to quickly he felt his mind return to his body in a hit of pain, breaking whatever small release he had just had.

Quickly he moved, cleaning and bandaging the new wound. Once it was dealt with he rinsed the sink which had a few drops of blood land in it. Finally, he cleaned the knife. When it was all perfect once more, with no sign of Tommy's most recent addition to his pain, Tommy turned and left. He slipped the knife into his bag, then began the tasks Dream had set him.

Eventually he got to school, only just making it in time for class to start. He found his way to English and found Ranboo waiting there when he arrived.

"Hey Tommy!" Ranboo called, waving him over. Tommy joined him, too exhausted to do anything else. Ranboo tilted his head slightly in concern, "Are you ok? You don't look great."

"I'm fine, just a little tired," Tommy replied quietly, easing away Ranboo's concerns somewhat in the hopes Ranboo would drop the subject. He didn't.

"Are you sure? You look more then a little tired."

"I'm fine," Tommy repeated quietly, wishing the words were true. Ranboo hesitantly accepted the answer and pulled up a gentle smile.

Tommy barely hear any of what Ranboo said, but it didn't seem like he wasn't asking questions anymore. Tommy was pretty sure he was telling a story or something, and Ranboo was laughing, so it was probably funny.

Tommy tried his best to laugh when Ranboo did, hoping it made him look like he could understand more then just the overall tone. He was exhausted. He wondered how long he'd hold out until he either passed out or gave up. He might even be tired enough to call Puffy simply for the chance to sleep in her car.

Tommy had to admit, he really did consider that. He wanted so much to go to the nurse and ask her to call Puffy. Kristin seemed safe enough.

Tommy was ready to give up on this place, he was ready to move forward, but he didn't want to face the horrors the next place would bring. That single point was what kept him here, and at every other house before this one. Trying to work out if it was possible for it to get worse and knowing somehow it could. Making that choice was always the hard part. Tommy wanted to sleep. He wanted Puffy to drive him back to her office, the one place he actually felt safe, but he didn't want what would come after that.

Tommy felt a hand gently slip into his and he fought the screaming urge to flinch away. Instead he looked down and saw Ranboo's hand. The other kid gently led him into the classroom Mr. Bad had just opened. Tommy followed quietly behind Ranboo, who gently squeezed Tommy's hand a few times. Tommy had no idea what was happening and he was far too exhausted to try work it out.

Words: 1000

A/N: hey, just wanted to say you guys are amazing and to everyone who is still reading this, thank you so much, also, you guys all clearly like dsmp, hence your here, so I thought I'd let you know about a project that is happening. Basically a friend of mine (Majka) is creating a comic of ALL the dsmp lore, created in fine (and beautiful) detail, it's a genuinely amazing process to watch unfold, and I have no doubt it is going to do amazingly, so I'm linking the discord here if any of you are interested (I'm a mod on the server, same user, feel free to say hi) :]

https://discord.gg/Y7XNh8Fb8N