Sinful Desires

Regrets

Alex

My vision cleared a little and I wondered what one could do to waste time. I was pretty sure this was not my final destination. This was probably the middle before I would be whisked away to wherever I could spend my eternity. I would believe maybe Heaven, and hope maybe the man up there would pardon me. 

I tried to move my body but I felt really heavy and tired. It was supposed to be peaceful without pain. Isn't death supposed to offer me that? Now that I thought about my current status, my friends and families came to mind. My parents would probably never get over my death. I was their only child. Oh, they would be devastated. There would be lots of tears, blames and regrets. 

Regrets

This was a feeling I wasn't very much familiar with. I had never regretted anything in my life. I always believed things happened for some reasons beyond our control. So, when something happened to me, I took it in good stride and moved on. I gave my first kiss to an idiot because I wanted to prove a point that I was not weird. I lost my virginity to an even greater idiot who placed a bet that I couldn't see it through. After all these though, I moved on without regrets. To me, life would come, happen to us and then leave us. But I had never regretted.

That changed.

I had a regret now. He was the regret. Questions were coming to me, attacking me with full force. What if I had succumbed? What if I gave in? At least, I would have known what it felt like, how it felt like. What it would be like to be pleasured by him. To be loved by him without all the distractions. 

Yes, I had regrets. 

What if I had damned all consequences and still did it anyway? Would I have felt better? Would that have satisfied me? So much questions that I didn't have answers to, that I wished I had answers to.

Then I thought of Josh, my best friend, my brother and friend. He would be lonely without me. My death would hit him the hardest because he was the closest thing to me besides my parents. Oh poor Josh, I wish you would not  have to go through the pain of my death. You don't deserve it. 

His face came into my vision and I shivered. What the hell was he doing here? Did he die? Oh no, please tell me he didn't die.

"Josh" I croaked.

"Oh Alex, oh Alex. Oh my God Alex! This is the happiest day of my life"

"What are you doing here Josh? Please you have to go back. You can't be dead too"

"I'm not dead Alex" I felt his arms around me. Wait, why could I feel his arms if he was dead? I don't understand what is going on?

"Alex" There was a hint of alarm in his voice.

"Alex, I'm not dead. Open your eyes"

"I'm trying to, but I'm so tired and thirsty. I don't think they give people water here"

"Thank God you are here. She's awake again which I'm grateful for. But what is going on? She's acting delirious" I heard him say frantically. Are there other people with me here?

"It is to be expected. She has gone through a major trauma especially to the head. Her recovery will be slow. We will put some fluids into her and see how that goes"

"Thank you Doc"

"I'm so sorry Alex. I should have been there for you. I shouldn't have allowed you go back to that house. If you had stayed with me, this wouldn't have happened to you. Just be okay please. Please Alex, I love you"

I love you too Josh. I'll be watching you right here. I'll be there for you. But don't cry please. Don't cry.

"You know, this past few days have been crazy without you. Crazy in every way. I tolerate Matt now" He chuckled at his statement. I was also going to miss Matt. He had grown on me and I was beginning to like him.

"And Damon, He is not that bad. I hate to say this, but the bastard cares about you in his Damon way. Oh, what I would give to hear you call him those unprintable names again. Everything is boring without you. Just come back to us Alex. Come back to me" Was he crying again? I wanted to comfort him that everything would be alright. My poor Josh.

"Damon" Why was Josh calling his name?

"I'll leave you two"

"Mia volpe" Damon? Was that Damon? I could hear his voice? Hearing his voice gave me extra strength. He sounded like he was calling to me, beckoning me.

"Mi hai spaventato e Non mi spavento troppo facilmente" I felt his touch. On my face! The tip of his fingers were running across my face. I could feel his touch! That meant I could touch him too.

(You frightened me and I don't get frightened too easily)

"Avrei potuto perderti" I felt his touch on my hands. It was relaxing and it felt like, like home

(I could have lost you)

"mai più, mia volpe! mai più!"

(Never again, my vixen! Never again!)

I needed to feel his touch, to feel him one more time. I could loose him again. So it had to be now. There was no way I was going to let him leave before I touched him. So I willed my strength and begged the man upstairs to give me this last chance before he took me. I raised my hands and unconsciously knew where to find his face. I touched his face, trying to memorize it even as my eyes were closed. I needed to know it so that I could lock that memory away before my soul leaves completely.

"Eri il mio unico rimpianto". And I finally gave in to that tiredness.

(You were my only regret).

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Another chapter done. This story of Alex and Damon is truly touching. I am so immersed in the story and could feel every emotions of my characters. I hope you enjoy the story too.

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