Trust or danger?

Chapter 14

Namjoon POV

I feel like I'm a monster. You eventually come to think you're one, when looking in the mirror everyday and seeing those dead eyes.
My dead eyes! I feel like this life is not mine anymore! I live like a corpse! Sing, dance, write, eat, gym, almost no sleep, always on repeat! Like a fucking machine! Like I have no soul!

My dreams! Fuck! It's so difficult! Different! Disgusting! What did I became? Who am I?
Why do I desire this girl so much?
I see love in her eyes. I know she is true! And I know they love her! How could you not?

She saw past them, not the idols image, their true self! Why? I can't never reach it! They can't have it also! We are in the same boat! Yeah!

So I try to drown her. She is so feisty. She is fighting me! She is so little! How much longer can she take? Just pass out already! I can feel her shaking under my arms. Her movements are turning slow.

Don't! You can't! You need to show me this... true real bullshit love!
So I pick her out and toss her to the floor.
She is coughing so much...
Fuck! I almost drowned her!
She has no strength to move around. She is just staring at me. I'm crying! Why am I crying??"

"Are you nuts?" She was trying to yell I suppose, but she couldn't. Her voice was cracking.
"No, I, I suppose. I just, you... "why the fuck are you shuttering, Namjoon? Could I be more stupid?
"You what? You just drown girls everyday when you're pissed of?"
She wanted to get up but she was slipping on the wet floor.

I picked her up and took her to the bed. Ohh, she is naked! Fucking naked! Cover her!!
She realized while I picked her up she was not dressed. She tried to cover herself with her arms. No use. I have already seen it all.
I toss her on the bed, while my stare is on her, not leaving her eyes. She is staring back at me, not even blinking.

"What more do you want? I'm not marrying Jungkook! I know you hate me! What did I ever do to you?"

Her voice started to get its power back.
"You didn't do nothing. Not to me. To them. To the group. You just messed up our peace! We were doing fine! Until you gobbled them up!"

"What?? So is it now my fault?? They came into me! They forced themselves on me! I was scared to even say no!!! They knew all about it! I never cheated them!! They agreed to this shit and now they wanna cry about it! Fuck you! Fuck them! I'm the bitch? What does this make them?? I don't need you! None of you!! Just leave me alone!!"

She got up and started hitting my chest. With those small frail hands. She can't hurt a fly! A monster like me? No way! I'm already broken beyond repair!

I heard the door lock. It opened. Jimin came inside, together with Jungkook. They were both puffing. They ran here. I guess Jimin discovered I'm not inside the company.

They were staring at me and her like some stupid little puppies.
"Get away from her!" Jimin was the first to come at me. I tossed her on the bed.
"Here! All yours! You want to play daddy?"
He punched me.
"You're just sick, Namjoon! You need help!"
"As if you're not the same, all of you!" I was screaming at them.

"Leave! Leave! Until I don't break your skull!" Jungkook was staring at me. His eyes were dark, dead. Just like mine. His monster was also outta leash.
"This will be fun! Fine, I lose! She can live!" I laughed it off and went outside.