Noise (Kapkan)

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I stared down at the headstone before me, trying to ignore the tears that stung at my eyes. His name carved neatly into the stone seemed to taunt me, the dates much too close to each other.

It had been years since Y/n had died. I still wasn't over him. How could I be when I felt like it was my fault?

"Maxim, you can't keep me penned up here forever! It's part of my job, too. You're not the only one who knows how to use a gun," he had snapped. His eyes held this wild fury that I'd never seen before

"I still don't want you going! This is a suicide mission. I can't let you go and lose you out there!" I had yelled back.

We had been going back and forth for ages before he finally stormed out on me. The last things we had ever said to each other were angry and spiteful.

And now he was gone and I couldn't take any of it back. I couldn't tell him how much I loved him, I couldn't hold him close. His smile that seemed contagious and the light that always glittered in his eyes was gone.

When he didn't return home with Olivier, Gustave, and Julian, all of whom were severely injured, I guessed what had happened. They told me that his body was decimated. The terrorists had taken him hostage and tortured him for information. When he didn't get any, they violated him. Used him for testing before finally killing him.

"I'm sorry we fought, my love. I'm sorry that you died thinking I was angry with you. I'm sorry that's the last memory we have of each other. I love you so much. I wish you would come back and tell me it's all okay. I wish you'd come back and let me hold you like you used to," I whispered as I knelt in front of the grave, my voice breaking.

Everything was too quiet now, without Y/n. He was never one for quiet. Him and Max.. they'd always find something ridiculous to do to get everyone's attention and make some noise. There was never a truly quiet moment with him gone. But he's not here anymore and the halls have fallen silent. There's no more loud noises from the schemes of him and Max, no more laughter from him or the other operators at dinner time.

No more silly little stories being told while he would treat life threatening wounds, no more words of comfort for the injured and sick.

I startled, feeling a hand on my shoulder. I looked back, wiping at my face as I was greeted by Timur.

"It's time to go, Maxim. It's late and we have training tomorrow morning. We can always come back after, if you want," he murmured. Timur, always so gentle with me after the death of Y/n. He was the only one who understood what I felt. To him, Y/n was like a brother. He'd taught the basics of art to Y/n and in turn, Y/n showed him a few of his hobbies. They would talk all the time, Timur helping me get presents for Y/n and vice versa.

He was still gentle with me, even after all these years. He knew the grief I felt was like living without a heart.

I could only nod, setting the small bouquet of flowers in the little vade beside the headstone. Something Harry had given me after Y/n's marker was placed.

I walked in silence beside Timur, the hairs standing on the back of my neck. I looked around, feeling watched. I saw nobody staring, only a few people scattered about in the rain.

As we got into the car, I was still unable to shake that feeling. Who else was there at that cemetery?

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