Troublemaker | Station 19

79. As The Bells Ring, Blood Is Shed

Today was the day many dreaded, the day that they would say goodbye to their co-worker, friend and family, Dean Miller.

There was an eerie quiet among the firefighters of station 19 as everyone was at a loss for words. The man was greatly liked and respected by everyone around him, sure there were a few odd grudges against the PD for previous incidents but the man was known as a gentle giant and therefore, nobody would speak a bad word about him.

Many feelings that had been buried were coming to light, especially for the blonde lieutenant that focused all her attention on the treadmill, a poor attempt to clear her head but an attempt non less.

Stopping the treadmill, she slowed her pace down and rested her hands against the bars as the sweat dripped down her pale face before she stepped off it. Walking over to the towel, she picked it up and patted her face as she checked her watch briefly to check the time before she made her way into the locker room.

"Gibson," Maya was startled and surprised to see Jack sitting on the bench beside the locker with his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" she questioned and immediately regretted it. Of course, he wasn't okay.

Jack briefly looked up with visible tear-stained cheeks and red eyes, "Hey..." he murmured quietly as he attempted to wipe his tears away. "Sorry, I didn't see you there. This is... It's completely unprofessional of me to be here like this," he told her.

"Jack..." Maya said as she exhaled a small sigh. "I think we're way past the point of unprofessional now," she mentioned as she sat down on the bench beside him. "Listen, I know that today's going to be tough," she told him.

Jack felt deflated as he slumped his shoulders down in obvious defeat, "He was... He was my best friend, Maya and I just can't-- I can't do this," he said as he shook his head.

"I know," The blonde stated quietly.

"I can't go to the funeral," Jack told her as he ducked his head down and stared at the floor. "I can't do it, Maya, I can't go and say goodbye to him. I just can't do it," he added.

Maya frowned at the man and sighed, "You have to attend the funeral, Jack. Dean was like a brother to you, you have to attend... You need to have the chance to say goodbye, you'd hate yourself if you didn't get the chance to do it," she told truthfully. Both of them knew he would regret it.

Jack looked at the blonde, "How do you do it, Maya?" he asked.

"Do what?" Maya replied confused.

"Remain to stay focused. You seem to be coping well, better than most of us at least," Jack said.

"Believe it or not, I feel like a crumbling mess inside right now but I have to stay strong, for you, for the team..." Maya said as she chuckled slightly. "And for my daughter who likes her mother is incredibly stubborn and won't admit it when she needs help," she added.

"I don't know how you do it," Jack confessed.

Maya smiled faintly at her friend, "We're a family, we'll get through this as one. We'll be there for each other and it'll get easier," she told him as he squeezed his hand slightly. "One day at a time," she added.

"Yeah... One day at a time," Jack repeated slowly.

"Bambina?" Carina knocked on the door of Maddie's bedroom and waited for a response. "Bambina, can I come in?" she questioned as she wrapped her hands against the door.  Yet again she was met with another response. "Bambina?" she repeated.

Inside her bedroom, Maddie was lost in her own trail of thoughts as she stared down at her slashed legs, ready to take her razor to them again and create new marks of pain. The younger girl was completely unaware of her mama trying to get her attention as she pressed the cold metal into her bare skin, watching as the blood escaped and a slow trickle roll down.