Stray Gods (SLOW UPDATES BUT NOT ABANDONED)

Chapter 9

It was cold.

You shivered and pulled up your legs.

You opened your eyes.

It took a second for you to realise where you were.

Then you shot up. With horrified eyes, you scanned the room.

There was no doubt about it. This was Changbin's room.

Your heart dropped.

"Please let it be a dream" you thought to yourself.

You looked around but Changbin wasn't there. On the nightstand, you noticed a note. With shaking hands, you picked it up. You could feel the paper on the tip of your fingers, which meant you weren't dreaming.

Off to work

The note read in Changbin's handwriting. He had drawn a little heart at the bottom of the page. You flipped the note around but there was nothing there. There was nothing about last night there. No: "we should talk" or "it was a mistake" nor a "we can't be friends anymore". Simply nothing.

For a moment you had a sparkle of hope. Maybe it had just all been a dream. A horrible and terrible nightmare.

But when you visited the bathroom that sparkle of hope was harshly extinguished.

The stain in your panties was all you needed as proof to show that last night had not been a dream.

You put your hands in front of your face, hiding yourself from the world.

How could it have happened? You had been fixed?! Felix had fixed you! Everything had been fine all day yesterday. You had even cuddled up with Changbin on the couch and besides the usual butterflies, there had been no problem whatsoever?!

Kissing Felix had been embarrassing and awkward but it had been Felix. The man who you thought should be nominated for the nobel fucking peace prize. Felix had a certain understanding of things about you that no one else had. A certain kind of patience and calmness, openness and honesty that was simply disarming. With him, you knew there was nothing you could do that made him change his mind about you.

Kissing Felix had been safe. It had been good. And it had been the best first kiss you could've ever imagined.

But it should've fixed everything. It had fixed everything. Your itch had been scratched and it was over.

But it hadn't been over. Not in the least.

Even more, it had become worse.

This time, unlike before, you hadn't recognised the signs. This time the rational part of your brain had seemed to simply take leave, go on holiday somewhere else and leave your body behind to deal with its desires.

How had you not noticed? How had you not realised at that moment what you had been doing? How could you be so stupid?

How had this happened?

Scratching the itch hadn't made things better. The itch had spread, secretly, like a disease, taking over your mind and body.

Thinking about Changbin almost made you nauseous now. Not because he disgusted you, no, not at all, you still loved him to pieces, but thinking of how he must feel, what he must think right now... Your stomach turned.

He had to hate you right now. Had to think you were utterly disgusting. That or insane. Maybe both. He must've thought you had been possessed or something. Or maybe just turned into a plain psychopath.

You had used him, without asking or thinking. You had been seriously been riding his thigh to get yourself off like a bitch in heat. Using him like a humping pillow.