Unmatched Hatred

Chapter 26

It's over. It's all finally over.

They were all sentenced to thirty years in Azkaban, and I no longer have to see my parents ever again. I found out my mother lived after losing consciousness in the court room, but I have no concern for her or my father's well-being. I plan to never visit them in prison. They can suffer alone as I once did. I will have absolutely nothing to do with them.

I know I should feel relieved, and truly, I am, but it is just sad, you know? Honestly, I wish it did not have to be this way. I wish I could have a relationship with my parents. I wish we could be a normal family and have normal lives. Most of all, I wish they would want that too.

Despite all this, I did not spend too much time sulking around and feeling sorry for myself. Tomorrow was September 1st. Everyone knows what that means! I rummaged through all my drawers and eagerly stuffed things into my luggage. I wanted to be extra prepared. I wanted to be more than ready to finally see Harry after all these long and dreadful weeks. Well, not all of them were dreadful. I believe I had a mostly enjoyable summer. Narcissa and I bonded the majority of the time, doing activities such as painting and baking. It was much more amazing than all the summers I have been through.

Anyways, I have not gotten any more letters from Harry apart from the first one. This left me somewhat concerned; however, once I see him in person, I am sure he will have an explanation. Perhaps his uncle barred his window again or maybe he is having a hard time replying to my many letters. Still, I was so thrilled, and I pranced around the room as if someone had casted a heavy Cheering Charm on me. I found it difficult to stop smiling every time I thought about Harry. I imagined him, with his mesmerizing green eyes and brown, fluffy hair, dashing up to me and wrapping his arms around me at the train station. I wondered if he was just as excited as I was.

Just as I was finishing up the last of my packing, I decided I would stop by the Malfoy's library and borrow a particular book since I was given permission. The library was huge, lit with floating candle sticks with golden flames. A fireplace crackled near a resting place with a long couch and two armchairs along with a delicate coffee table. The shelves in the library stretched up to the ceiling and were filled with loads of books of every genre.

I dragged two fingers across a row of books, searching for a specific one. I meandered across the dark, wooden flooring until I found Little Women on a rather high shelf.

Just outside one of the nearby windows, I could see and hear the rain pounding against the glass. It was pitch black outside, and my reflection glared back at me in the glass window. I was fourteen. I have been since the beginning of August and Kasper turned sixteen just a few days after me. Though, as I glared at myself in the watery and distorted reflection, I actually felt fourteen. People change with time, and I believe I have changed in a way as well. I felt like an equally new and better person going into my fourth year at Hogwarts.

Well, turning my attention back to the bookshelf behind me, I began reaching for Little Women. Even on my tippy toes, my fingertips barely skimmed the bottom of the book's spine. I tried and struggled for the book until I felt the presence of a person standing over me. I then saw a hand stretch towards the book and retrieve it off the shelf.

"Oh! Thank-"

I had thought it was someone else, but who else wears a silver, snake ring around his finger. I suddenly hated how weirdly close Malfoy had been to me. Ever since the little incident in the garden, we have not spoken much. Altogether, he stopped spitting insults at me left and right, but he has not been all that kind either. Perhaps just like me, Malfoy has undergone some changes as well. I sensed he still disliked me, though it all seemed like a new type of hatred. He does not act as bitter towards me as before, but he ignores me just the same. We ignore each other as if we were nothing more than strangers. I remembered his words.

I don't hate you.

Of course, he had to hate me. There was no way he was in the least bit of fond of me. I could not be convinced otherwise. Letting myself believe such a thing will only do me more harm than good. As much as I would like to know he meant what he said, he did not, no matter how genuine he sounded.

Malfoy handed me Little Women, his eyes latched on me.

"Thank you," I finished my sentence.

He did not respond but turned away almost immediately. He started to leisurely walk out of the library, and for whatever foolish reason, I called out to him.

"Malfoy."

He halted in his path, his head turned to the side. I noticed his platinum, blond hair had grown out much over the summer.

I realized when I was in the Astronomy Tower that night and I was reminded when you took a punch to my face.

His words echoed in my mind.

"Rosewood?" his voice came out rather low.

Great. Now I had to say something in order for me to not appear completely stupid.

"Have any letters from Harry came?"

It was probably the least of his concern, so I do not even know why I even bothered to ask.

"No, they haven't."

I don't know what answer I expected but disappoint struck all over again.

"Oh..."

For an uncomfortable moment, all that could be heard was the raindrops outside and the crackling of the dancing flames in the fireplace.

Assuming that was all I needed to ask of him, he resumed exiting the library and I found myself regretting his leave for some odd reason. If he was kind enough to help me reach a book off the shelf, then surely, he is seeking for a redemption. Coming to a conclusion, I decided that if he was truly and willingly deciding to change then the least he could do was come to me and apologize. However, that still seemed impossible.