Hell Sweet, Kayla

20

My life became a moving shadow over the days that passed by since I got discharged from the hospital. Blown by the wind with no direction. Aimless.

It is my last semester in school and for the first time, I didn't wish to graduate.

The dreams weren't clear anymore. The two most important part of my life slipped... slipped out of my fingers. Not getting over the fact I chose one over the other only for it to seem a ruse.

Everything I hoped for is gone; I wasn't even sure I am on the right track anymore.

Classes became a bore hating the fact everyone seems happy on campus, talking about our victory game and graduation coming up.

Meanwhile, I barely survive waking up to the truth my life is over.

I know, he is just a boy and I can get as much I want out there. You tried your best, so quit wallowing in self-pity and move on, Kayla.

He is just another lost course; so, why does it hurt as much as it did. Why do I sleep and wake up on wet pillow sheet?

Why are my eyes swollen from crying so much?

Why does it seem my life is over?

I lost Cole. Lost my shot for New York. Lost the life I wanted.

Sighing. Maybe, I should just call him and forgive him. Then, at least, one thing still works out for me in the end.

Besides, it's just a baby. We can take full custody of the child and still build our lives the way we dreamt to have it.

Get to live in that big beautiful house he went for its house opening in California. Raise the child as mine which makes it easier in having just one more kid for him in addition to this baby.

"Oh, Kay. You sound pathetic." The snarky voice in my head quickly show its ugly tone.

My phone flash with a text from Zim.

It reads. "Babe, whatever it is you are thinking, do not do it."

Ugh. I hate it when she does that. Like she reads my mind. Rolling my eyes at my phone hoping she can feel the impact.

From the time that I sat down in class I actually got to see everyone's eyes solely on the professor who reads a paragraph in his textbook. My pen wiggles between my fingers tapping my foot softly, a simple wonder of thought as I look about the crowded room if I am the only one in such classic dilemma.

Or everyone in class feign apt concentration ignoring their personal problems.

My phones goes off in silence with another text. "Except you want to go to NY to meet with Mr. Wilson. You have my support then beg on his offer."

Yeah, about that, I have not been able to reach Mr. Wilson because I refuse his contact so my darling Cole will not get upset when he mistakenly finds his card details in my bag.

That was the first and last meeting I had of him; and no matter how many times I mailed Wilson Publishers for a meeting or draft fore look I never got a response from the team which makes me feel much worse for rejecting the offer at firsthand.

I end up crying harder whenever I ponder on that, eating three extra bucket of ice-cream and passing out on the bed with Zimra coming home screaming and dragging my ass into the shower while she cleans the apartment.

"That will be all for today, class." My professor speaks out loud snapping me out of my daze.

My eyes shift to the class shuffling on their feet towards the door, little chatters and laughs slowly leaves the room until I am the only one left seated in class in an all-black ensemble wearing a bucket hat to hide my messy ginger brown curls.