him and i - joão felix

twenty eight

portugal was supposed to be playing against morocco tomorrow. everyone was downstairs, talking about strategies and what needed to happen tomorrow while we ate.

you could tell everyone was nervous, they looked around at each other with anxious looks on their faces. they had every right, it would be an important game, deciding who would get into the semi-finals.

joão grasped my hand under the table, holding on tightly, as he bounced his knee up and down. i've never seen him this nervous before. if they make it through, i couldn't imagine how nervous he would be then.

their coach finished the discussion as everyone finished up eating. he went back up to his room as the men began to talk. most of the conversations were about the game tomorrow and others were just random.

joão practically dragged me out of the lobby and back to our room. he wanted to get out of there because he was too nervous to even speak to anyone.

we walked into our hotel room and i closed and locked the door behind us. he walked up to the bed, falling face first onto it.

"ughh." he said into the soft sheets.

i sat down next to where he laid. he moved himself into my lap as i played with his hair.

"it's okay to be nervous, but i know you're going to play amazing tomorrow. you always do." i spoke.

"thank you, it's just... we've made it this far, i don't want to disappoint anyone."

"listen, win or lose, i'm proud of how far you've come. you won't be disappointing me. and if anyone is disappointed, they aren't real fans."

he turned in my lap to face himself upwards. he grabbed my shirt, pulling me closer so that he could kiss me.

i got up to shower and get ready for bed. when i was finished, i climbed back under the blankets and next to him, laying my head on his chest.

-

i woke up from joão tossing and turning next to me. i looked over at the digital clock on the nightstand, it read 1:56am.

looking at the very much awake joão, i asked, "hey, what are you doing up?"

"i can't sleep. i don't think i'm going to be able to at all. don't worry about me, go back to sleep."

"i don't want to sleep if you aren't." i frowned. "do you want to go for a walk? that helped last time."

"okay." he agreed.

i made sure to put on a hoodie since i forgot to last time before i slipped on my shoes. we walked through the lobby and out of the building. the night air was cool and calming. as soon as it hit joão, i saw his face relax a bit.

"do you want to talk about it?" i asked him.

"there's not much to talk about, i'm just nervous. i just want to be with you right now." he smiled a bit.

we walked back and forth on the street of the hotel for a while. sometimes he decided to sit down on a bench for a few minutes but would always get back up to walk. every time we reached the front of the building joão would ask to walk again.

"you don't have to keep walking with me if you're tired." he said.

"i'm not very tired anymore." i said, holding back a yawn. "i'd rather be out here with you anyways."

we walked past a few more times until he finally let out a yawn too.

"come on, you need to sleep." i said, pulling him back inside.

i pushed the button for the elevator as he wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his head on the top of mine. the elevator made a dinging noise, telling us it was here.

when we finally made it back to our room, the clock on the nightstand read 3:04am. i yawned as we got back into bed. i let joão lay on top of me as i played with his hair. he loves when i do, he once told me that it's so relaxing that it actually makes him tired.

"thank you," he said quietly in a sleepy voice. "for caring." he finally fell asleep.

i looked over at the clock once more before dozing off at 4:28am.

-

the morning came and i turned off joão's alarm letting him sleep since he didn't get much last night. we didn't actually have to actually get ready for another 2 hours so i figured he wouldn't mind.

when an hour and forty-five minutes had passed, i shook him lightly. he groaned into my chest that he was still using as a pillow.

"i don't want to get up." he said.

"good morning to you too." i laughed as i tried to wiggle myself out from under him. "come on, we have to be on the bus in an hour." i said.

"it'll only take me like 15 minutes to get ready. let me sleep."

"fine. but if we miss the bus because of you i'm going to be really mad." i said.

"we won't, don't worry." he laughed as he fell back down into the soft pillows.

-

thankfully, we boarded the bus on time. everyone the whole ride was quiet, barely anyone was talking. joão was nervous the whole time, he gripped my hand and didn't let go until we arrived, leaving my hand sweaty.

he kissed me before running off and into the locker room. most of these kisses were short, almost like a peck, but this one was long. i could tell how he was feeling just from that kiss.

i made my way to my seat and sat by georgina. when i sat down, i let out a yawn.

"long night?" she asked.

"yeah, i stayed up with joão. his nerves wouldn't let him sleep."

"cristiano couldn't sleep either. it pains him that he isn't starting."

"yeah, that's understandable."

-

the game started smoothly. both teams played well but portugal kept most of the possession. they passed around and into morroco's half often, but their defense shut them down every time.

joão had a few good shots, one of them including an amazing diving header. everyone cheered for him. i heard so many girls screaming his name.

i thought portugal might score and take the lead before halftime until the 40th minute, when i thought it would remain 0-0 instead. but my heart dropped when morroco scored. the fans went crazy in the stands as they cheered all of the rest of the minutes leading up to half time.

the team walked to their locker room with their heads down. i just prayed that they could get a goal to tie it up.

if they didn't win, i would be a little bit sad, but i wouldn't be mad. every team in this tournament has worked hard and they all deserve a chance to win just like they did. plus it would be very cool and eye-opening if morocco was the first african country to make it to the semis.

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