him and i - joão felix

forty three

i hung up the phone and looked over to joão, he was already sitting up. my face was wet from the tears but he still pulled me into his chest.

"shh. it's okay. what happened?" he asked.

"my grandma. they don't think she has much more time."

he hugged me tighter and reached to grab his phone from the nightstand next to our bed. he typed a message and sent it, getting a reply almost instantly.

"we have a flight back to portugal in a few hours. why don't we get up and pack a few things." he said softly.

"okay, thank you." i pulled away from him to get up. his shirt was soaked with my tears.

"you don't have to thank me."

"wait, you can't come with me."

"yes i can."

"no, you have to worry about football."

"i care more about you than football. i'll talk to my coach tomorrow. i'm coming with you."

we got up carefully and he turned on the light. we packed our suitcases slowly and got ready for our flight. before we knew it, we had to leave.

we got in the car and he held my hand the whole way to their airport. it was a small gesture but it was still sweet. i laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes, completely awake, until we got to the airport.

joão grabbed our suitcases from the backseat and took them both inside of the plane. the only other person inside of this jet besides us were the pilots.

we sat down in the seats and buckled up. we couldn't unbuckle until we were in the air but i didn't mind. joão let me have the window seat. i leaned against the window, watching the sunrise. it was a really early flight.

the sky was pink, with hints of orange and white. the fact that we were in the air watching it made it even better. seeing the clouds this close was so beautiful. the whole view was beautiful. i tapped joão and pointed out the window, wanting him to look.

"it's gorgeous." i said, still staring.

"just like you."

we watched until the sun was completely risen. i closed the shade because it got too bright. we eventually moved to more comfortable seats and he laid his head in my lap. i played with his hair until he fell asleep, i knew because of his heavy breathing.

however, i couldn't sleep. my mind kept wondering with memories of my grandmother. i couldn't help but think that i should've spent more time with her while i was in portugal. i loved her a lot and still do, she's one of the most important people in my life.

i let him sleep and just sat there. i put in airpods and listened to music until i finally dozed off with only about 20 minutes left in our flight.

-

"hey," joão shook me awake. "wake up, were about to land." i don't know when he woke up but i guess he did.

when we landed, i got up and stretched after sitting down for the whole flight. he grabbed our suitcases and we exited the plane. his car was waiting for us already.

i sat in the passenger seat, laying my head on the window, while he loaded the suitcases into the trunk. he drove us to his house that he owned here, the one i spent so many nights at before we had moved in together. he put our suitcases inside while i stayed in the car.

when he got back into the car, i texted my parents to let them know we were on our way to the hospital. they had stayed there with my grandma all night, not leaving for one minute.

it didn't take long to get there, my parents met us outside. i engulfed them both into large and long hugs. i hadn't seen them since the move. i was going to visit last weekend but joão got hurt so we couldn't anyways.

"hey." my mom smiled softly. her eyes were puffy and nose was red. "how have you been."

"i've been good, how have you been?"

"good until this." she laughed softly, another tear dripping down her face. i know it must be really hard on her, losing her mother and all. i wish people would just live forever so we didn't have to say goodbye to the people we love.

we walked inside and through the double doors, back where the rooms are. before we walked in to see my grandma, joão slipped his hand in mine, letting me know that he was here for me.

my mother walked in first, my father trailed behind. i didn't go in right away, to be honest, i was scared to see her.

"hey, you got this." he whispered as i turned to face him.

he hugged me once and i took a deep breath before walking in. it was hard to see her this way, with lots of tubes connected to her. a tear fell down my face when i saw her.

my mom was holding her hand on one side so i walked to the other side to hold her hand. she couldn't open her eyes.

-

we stayed there for hours, taking turns going to get snacks from the vending machines or stepping outside for some air. my parents left at one point, going home to shower and change since they'd been in the same clothes for a day. when they got back, it was pitch black outside, already getting very late. my parents told us to go home and that we could just come back super early in the morning.

we decided to listen to them and go home. i was still super tired since i barely got any sleep last night and i was jet-lagged from the plane.

we walked outside and got into the car. while we drove, i stared out the window the whole time.

the ride was short and we soon pulled into the driveway. i walked in and grabbed my suitcase to get a change of clothes. after i was changed and ready for bed, i plopped onto the bed. joão was already laying down so i laid my head on his chest. i fell asleep almost instantly.

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