The Royal Scandal | Prince William |

Broken Bodies, Broken Hearts

August 8, 2012

Buckingham Palace still poses dauntingly.

A rectangular beacon of bright white light against the starless dark sky, and inside it's not much better. It doesn't matter how many times she's been inside, or the hospitality she receives when she is. She's always on alert when there, looking over her shoulder and careful of what she does.

Perhaps, it's that she won't allow herself to fully embrace the place, that will one day be her home, as normal. Seeing the expansive palace as such would be a sign she was getting comfortable, and a betrayal to who she really was.

At the same time it's not like she hates visiting, she loves seeing William's grandparents. Especially when they all get together for dinners. This week it's just them, his grandparents, father, Camilla, and Harry. A final get together before they all split up again.

"Harry, tell me again when you ship out?" Philip asks, picking at his salad, and ignoring the reproachful glare from his wife at the head of the table.

"First week of September and I'll be back by the end of January," he grins, shoving a fork full of lettuce drenched in dressing between his smiling lips.

Philip nods, clearly pleased, but he seems to be the only person completely on board with the decision. Both the Queen and Charles stare uneasily, the older woman hiding her thinned lips behind her glass of white wine. Jaclyn tries to smile herself, knowing William is not, but even she can only go so far. Each time he ships out she can only think of the things that could go wrong.

There was always going to be some deep seated jealousy with William that his brother got to do the one thing he wanted to do for himself, but they never spoke about it. Sometimes, he mumbled about how he felt like a fraud in his uniform and honors. Always late at night so he could wake up the next day like it was nothing. She always made sure to hold him tight and repeat that he wasn't, that his work with Search and Rescue mattered.

"How's Cressida handling the news?" Camilla asks. There's a slight hesitation to her words, a retraction of her chin like she's readying herself for a blow up, but Harry only shrugs. "She didn't seem to care much."

Across the table Philip shoots her a knowing look. The words, I told you so, written all over his face. Her gaze drops down to her salad, all of the tomatoes which were too acidic for her senses brushed to one side, while she continues to pick at the greens.

Months ago when Harry first announced his relationship with the blonde actress Philip told her out right how he knew it wouldn't last.

I know what kind of relationship this is, it's not one that lasts, he said, but Jaclyn was trying to be supportive over the fact that he was finally trying to move on from Chelsy. Besides, she liked Cressida well enough even if she didn't see sparks flying between the pair.

She's not the type to give up her life for this circus, he said after.

I did, she remarked back.

Well that's not saying much. She knocked him on the arm for that one.

"So both of you boys will be gone in January?" The Queen remarks, and for a second Jaclyn blinks at her, fork balanced between her fingers as her gaze switches from her husband to his grandmother.

And then it hit her.

William was being deployed with Search and Rescue to the Falkland Islands for six weeks. It was something they all agreed upon months ago, but things were different months ago. She would be close to her due date by the time he got back, and based on his look of apprehension he was coming to the same conclusion.