The Love We Lost

two

Right Where You Left Me- Taylor Swift

It felt as if he had torn out a piece of your heart. You felt stuck, no matter how much time could pass by. Your mind felt as if it only managed to think of him. Every little thing always found its way to make it remind you of him.

Everyone wanted you to move on and you were well aware of that, but how could you ever forget the way he had left you, all those heart-aching words he had so cruelly said to you?

The news articles of him with a new girl, acting like nothing ever happened back in Colima, as if he hadn't left the girl he swore he loved back home, completely heartbroken.

How could he move on so easily, while you were here, feeling as if you never left that specific night in which he broke your heart?

He left you, plain and simple, but you just couldn't find a way to wrap your mind around that. You had many questions.

The boy you had loved with all your being, the boy that would tell you every day how much you meant to him, that boy that promised to love you forever, broke your heart and gave up on you so easily, and then proceeded to leave just as easily as he walked into your life.

You truly would have never asked him to pick between you and football. You would've figured out a way to make it work, a way that didn't end with heartbreak and aching minds.

It broke your heart, over and over again every time you saw him on TV. The biggest smile on his face as he played with Pachuca. You were proud of him, you truly were.

But you still couldn't help but think of what could've been if the two of you were still together. How you wouldn't be feeling this miserable and stuck. If the two of you would have found a way, would you still be there with him, celebrating his wins and being by his side through his losses?

The longer you looked at the screen, the more thoughts would pool into your restless mind.

That face that once was so familiar to you now belonged to a stranger. The person you once knew like the depths of your mind, became someone you don't even recognize now.

He looks the same and that made you wonder if he was actually still the same. It made you wonder if anything had changed about him.

"Se ve bien," Your mom said behind you, pulling you away from your mind-eating thoughts. She had taken a break from packing, going to sit next to you to watch the game as well.

You didn't say anything back. Even if you wanted to, you didn't really know how to respond. So, you remained silent. Your eyes still glued to the screen.

He was happy. You could tell, after all, this was what he had always wanted.

Seeing him on the screen, seeing his face, brought so many memories back.

You were happy that he was making his dream come true, even if it cost you a broken heart and many broken promises.

But seeing him again felt like a punch to the stomach. It felt as if the weight of the world had once again fallen upon you. As if you had time traveled to the past and had taken every thought, memory, moment, and truly anything that had to do with him and suddenly dropped it all on your mind.

Kevin clouded your mind. Day and night, he managed to make his way into every thought of yours.  He was all you ever thought about and it made your head dizzy.

You continued watching every game Pachuca played. Maybe you were jumping to conclusions, or maybe you were right, but from what you could see, his mind seemed too busy to have ever thought about you.

"Ya deberias de olvidarlo," Your mother said, causing you to turn and meet her eyes. Those same words that almost everyone around you seemed to repeat nonstop.

You stayed quiet for a bit, before finally speaking.

"Pero cómo lo puedo olvidar mamá? Yo lo amo," You spoke softly, feeling a lump begin to form in your throat.

She pulled you into a hug, watching just how much Kevin had truly crushed her daughter's heart.

"Cómo puedes amar a alguien al que no le importaste lo suficiente como para pelear por su relación?" Your mother's harsh words rung in your ears. You pulled away from her hug, looking at her with a look of disbelief.

"Mamá," You began to speak, almost in an attempt to defend Kevin, but your mother cut you off before you could say another word.

"Perdon si lo que dije te duele, pero es la verdad," She raised her hand to move a strand of your hair behind your ear. "A mi me parte el alma verte así," Her hands fell on top of yours, holding onto them.

"Es que no se como olvidarlo," You whispered, looking at both your hands and your mother's as they still sat on your lap. "Que pasa si un día regresa?" Your voice was still soft, barely audible. You were embarrassed about what you had just asked.

"El no va a regresar, el te lo dijo," Your mother said, once again giving your hands a comforting squeeze.

You finally let out a sob. Her words were a reminder of his hurtful words.

"Cariño," Your mother said against your head as she pulled you into a hug once again. You clung to her arms as she held you tightly against her chest.

You hated yourself for allowing him to make you feel this way, for allowing him to break your heart in such a way.

He was there, making his dreams come true, a girl by his side, while you were still here, stuck, with the same pain in your heart and the constant thoughts of him that infiltrated your mind.

You wanted to find a way out. You wanted to find the light at the end of the tunnel, as they all say. You just didn't know how.

You and Kevin walked down the street, hand in hand, swinging your arms.

"Me dejarías estar ahí contigo cuando juegues tu primer juego como futbolista profesional?" You asked, stopping and turning to look at him.

"Claro," He smiled fondly at you before placing a kiss on the tip of your nose.

"Lo prometes?" You asked as you raised your hand up in front of him, sticking your pinkie out for him to lock his pinkie with yours.

"Lo prometo," He laughed, locking his pinkie with yours.

"Qué emoción!" You continued to walk, swinging your arms with every step the two of you took. "Estoy tan orgullosa de ti, sabes?" Once again you stopped walking, moving to stand in front of him.

He smiled at you, moving his hands to hold your face.

"Gracias por simepre apoyarme," He said against your lips before giving you a kiss. You smiled against his lips, as you pulled him into a hug.

"Te amo," You said, letting your head rest against his chest.

"Yo mas," He said.

How easy it was for him to say all those things to you.