Come Back to Me (Don't Save Me Book 3)

Chapter 54: You Didn't?

A/N: Just now realized I never uploaded this yesterday. My bad, y'all. I'll be uploading an extra chapter right after this one to make up for it!

I burst through the door of what was now our home and called out for Severus. Please be here. In an instant he appeared from our bedroom.

"My love? What's wrong?" he asked, concern crossing his face as he took in my appearance. I made my way toward him, quickly wrapping my arms around his neck. Guilt was surging through me as he wrapped his cloak around my shoulders, knowing I loved how it practically swallowed me in the black cloth.

"Hey, look at me, sweet girl." He pulled away, gently lifting my chin.

My eyes were glistening with tears and I knew I probably looked a mess but I didn't care. All I wanted was to be held by him and try to ignore the nagging guilt in the pit of my stomach, but I had to make sure everything was alright first, given how he'd left Grimmauld Place in a hurry.

"I-is everything okay? W-when you had to leave I was worried."

"Everything's alright, love. He simply wanted to discuss our relationship."

"W-what did you tell him?"

He looked down. "I told him we were a little shaky right now... I thought it might buy us some time."

"Some time?"

"Given that we're together... he's going to expect an appearance from you. I simply told him you weren't doing so well after that night in the graveyard and weren't really speaking to me much... it was a lot for you to take in."

I nodded, understanding what he meant.

"Darling, I know that's not the only thing you came here for. I could see it in your eyes the moment you walked in. There was something you needed to tell me."

I looked down, feeling the guilt wash over me as I buried my face in his chest.

"Talk to me, baby," he begged, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

"You're gonna hate me, Sev," I whimpered, my voice cracking as the sobs overwhelmed me.

"Never, darling. I could never hate you... and clearly whatever happened has you very upset. Just talk to me, love. What happened?" He led us to a couch in the living room and sat down next to me, pushing the hair out of my face. I looked up at him, his eyes filled with concern and I felt nauseous. How did I let this happen? He waited patiently for me to find my words, though I could've had a lifetime and still wouldn't have been able to find the right words to say. I took a breath before beginning, trying to calm myself.

"The Order was divided on whether or not we should tell Harry about what Tom is looking for. Sirius thought we should tell him... Molly and I did not. Sirius nearly spilled the truth to Harry and I was angry so I walked out... I- I didn't want to fight with him in front of Harry. Sirius followed me and..." I trailed off, the part I dreaded most finally arriving and filling my stomach with a sickening pit.

Severus placed a hand on mine, waiting for me to continue.

"Sirius... he told me he still loved me... and he- he kissed me."

"What?!" he spat, withdrawing his hand from mine.

"It wasn't like that! I swear!" I assured him, reaching for his hand. He allowed me to hold it but he didn't return the gesture.

"D-did you kiss him back? Did you... enjoy it?" he asked softly, his voice cracking as the words left his lips.

"No! Sev, I swear! I pushed him away and Remus told him it was a dick move. He was angry and hurt because I didn't say I loved him back."

At this Severus looked up and his hand grasped mine in return. "Y-you didn't?"

"No, Sev. I didn't. Why would I?"

"Maybe because it's true," he whispered, looking down at our entwined hands. "I was fooling myself to think you would ever truly choose me over him."

I could swear my heart cracked as he spoke. I moved closer to him but he instinctively backed away. It was as if the walls he had once let down for me had returned tenfold but I refused to let him think I didn't care.

"Sev, please... I told you because I didn't want to lie to you... We promised each other no more lies and I'm holding up my end. Half the Order saw him do it and I didn't want you to find out from someone else. You deserved to hear the truth from me."

"And what is the truth? Are you leaving me for him?" The hurt that had once filled his eyes was no longer there, replaced only with pure resentment at the mention of Sirius. I lifted a hand, placing it on his cheek.

"No, Sev. I'm not leaving you for him... not for anyone." I knew I needed to tell him everything, holding true to my promise of no more lies, so I continued. "I won't lie to you and say that everything isn't confusing. There was no closure in my relationship with Sirius and that makes all of this ten times more confusing... but that doesn't mean I would ever leave you for him. We were over a long time ago, Sev."

I could see his walls beginning to break once again as the familiar look returned to his eyes, followed by the pain I recognized all too well. Tears filled his eyes and he wrapped his arms around me.

"Please don't leave me," he whimpered and I broke. The tears that I had been fighting to hold in had finally broken free from the dam that held them. They flowed down my cheeks with no care as to where they landed.

"Baby, never... You don't have to worry about that, love. I chose you all those years ago, Sev... and I'm going to keep choosing you everyday. Never doubt that."

He didn't say anything more, though no words were needed. We held each other for a few moments before I pulled away, cupping his face in my hands.

"Can you ever forgive me for what happened?"

"For what? For not saying you loved him back? For not kissing him back? For coming here and telling me what happened immediately? Exactly what is it you did that is so wrong... because I'm not seeing anything, my love."

"I shouldn't have stayed. After what he said I should have just gone home with you and that never would've happened."

"Oh, sweet girl. None of that is your fault. If it makes you feel better I can tell you that I forgive you but if we're being honest there's nothing to forgive. You did nothing wrong."

I nodded and returned to hugging him, too afraid to let go of him.

"I love you so much," he whispered.

"I love you too, Sev."

He held me for the rest of the night and we eventually fell asleep in each other's arms, the black cloak still covering my body. I was filled with a sense of relief that he wasn't angry with me for what happened but I didn't know how long that feeling would last when we were continuously forced into situations in which Sirius and I had to be around each other.