Come Back to Me (Don't Save Me Book 3)

Chapter 66: All We Want

Severus stood in the hallway of Grimmauld Place, Arthur standing next to him. I could feel the muscles in my face twitching as I wanted to smile more than anything. Remus cleared his throat next to me, placing an arm on my shoulder in a comforting manner. I dropped my gaze, thankful he was there to keep me from running to Severus.

"Y/n?" Severus whispered, causing me to look up. His eyes locked with mine and I heard his voice in my head.

Your father asked me to come here. I'm supposed to be trying to win you back.

Well then... I suppose we better give him a real memory, I answered and Severus began to speak.

"How are you?" he asked softly, fiddling with the tips of his fingers.

"I'm fine. You?"

"I've been better," he chuckled softly. I turned to Arthur and Remus, knowing we would need to make my father think there was a chance that Severus could win me back. He had to think I wasn't angry about Severus being a Death Eater and that it was only because he left me as a child. I knew we wouldn't be able to convince him of anything if members of the Order were standing nearby as we talked about Severus being a Death Eater.

"Could you give us a minute?" I asked softly.

"You sure?" Arthur asked and I nodded, giving him a soft smile. They went into the kitchen and Severus cast Muffliato.

Just reminding you I love you before we do this, his voice said inside my head.

I love you too.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself.

"What are you doing here, Severus?"

"I wanted to talk to you," he answered.

I sighed, crossing my arms over my chest. "I thought I made myself clear before... I can't trust you." I moved closer to him, lowering my voice as a show for my father, making it appear as if I was hiding this from the Order. "Sev, I know you. Albus may think you're working for him but I know you're working for my father. I know where your loyalty lies and I can't trust that you won't take me to him."

Severus took a step back, acting horrified as I spoke. "Wha-? H-how did you know?" he whispered, once again stunning me with his ability to act, though I assume he'd need this ability being a double agent.

"I think it's pretty obvious, Sev."

"W-why haven't you said anything? To Dumbledore, I mean?"

"You think I don't know what that would mean for you? He would kill you in a heartbeat," I murmured, my eyes filling with tears as I thought of the reality of that statement. Severus risked his life every day returning to my father's side and if he ever found out the truth Severus would be killed. He slowly moved toward me, wrapping his arms around me.

"Thank you for protecting me, my darling."

"I don't care who you work for, Sev... I just want you to be safe... but I- I can't trust him."

"You can't trust your father... or you can't trust me?"

He looked down at me and I took a step back, trying to slow my racing heart.

"Both, I suppose. I cannot go to him. He abandoned me!" I hissed, keeping my voice low. "I don't want to see him! He's just going to use me for my magic and I refuse to be used again!"

"My love-."

"Don't call me that," I hissed, feeling the tears pricking my eyes once again. I hated that we had to do this at all and telling him not to call me one of my favorite pet names... it was torture. Normally I would hold the tears in but I figured it was better if my father saw them. I looked up at Severus and he lifted a hand to my cheek, wiping away the tears.

"I'm sorry... it's a habit, darl-." He cleared his throat, beginning again. "It's a habit, Y/n. My apologies... but what if all he wanted was to meet you? To be in your life? Would you meet him?"

I pretended to take a moment, thinking about his words, before answering, knowing my father would be watching each and every expression change on my face. "That's a pointless discussion, Sev. That's not what he wants and I can't trust him."

"What about the Malfoys? You were always close with them. Narcissa... Lucius... even Draco... they're asking for you. Even Sadie's been worried about you," he chuckled.

"I can't. I'm sorry... but after what happened that night... I can't trust them."

"And... me? You don't even trust me anymore?" he mumbled, tears filling his eyes.

I placed my hand on his face. " I want to... I want to trust you... I want to trust that what you're saying is true. I want to trust that all he wants is to meet his daughter... I want that more than anything." I could feel the tears slipping down my face as this part was getting a bit too real but I knew it would sell it. "I never had a family that wanted me before the Malfoys and Minerva... She took me in when I had no one and the Malfoys probably saved my life when my uncle left me with internal bleeding. I would've died without them so of course this hurts... but my father is the reason I was left with my uncle in the first place. He left me! I can't just trust him after that."

"Love, all I'm saying is you deserve to know why he left you with them." He leaned closer, pressing his forehead against mine.

"Sev," I warned, backing away slowly.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I just hate not being around you. I love you, Y/n... I just want you back."

There it was. The entire reason he'd come here, fulfilling his order from my father as he spoke those words.

"No," I answered. "Not after what he did. I still love you, Sev... but we can't be together." My voice was low and I allowed little cracks in my tone to slip into my sentences here and there, knowing my father would catch these, thinking he was breaking me down slowly.

Good girl, he told me silently. I looked down, making sure to keep my expression the same

"I think you should go, Sev," I said softly, driving the final nail into the coffin. He looked down, slowly backing away, and heading for the door. Before he opened it he turned to me, a sad look in his eyes.

"All I want is your happiness, Y/n... that's all any of us want."

"What are you talking about, Sev?" I asked, remembering the way Sadie had said the same thing that night in the graveyard.

"The Dark Lord has never been the most fuzzy person," Severus chuckled. "The concept of love formerly evaded him. It wasn't until he met you that I'd seen certain... qualities emerge in him. You may think he abandoned you... but what if he thought he was protecting you?" Severus asked rhetorically. "Just something to think about, darling."

The words took a moment to sink in and my reaction wasn't only acting anymore. His words had struck me strangely and I felt a pang in my heart. Severus stared at me for a moment, allowing the image of my reaction to settle in his mind before turning away from me and leaving Grimmauld Place.