Work In Progress |L.T| |A.U|

VIII - Atkins

VIII - Atkins

Have you ever had times when you just want to be held? Everything is falling apart, your world is crumbling right before your eyes and all that you can think of is the desperate need of a pair of arms to wrap around you and just hold you till you gather the strength to go back to your shit. It doesn't even matter if the person is a complete stranger; all that matters is that you need a place where you can disconnect from all the crap going around you for a while.

I understand if you think I'm being too dramatic. It's just a bunch of cells inside my uterus, a small procedure and I could carry on with my life pretending that it never happened. It's not like I was actually expecting this to happen to me or something. I can just part my ways with Louis after everything is done, and then... kapoof! Problem solved.

That was the only thought that kept me going, the thought that made me get up from bed this Monday morning and get ready for today, that's what made Louis come to pick me up and accompany me to the gynecologist only to find out that I am in fact pregnant and that's what is leading us to the hospital right now.

The gynecologist recommended us to Prince Charles' Hospital where they would do some routine check-ups to see if there were any discrepancies with the baby - uh... the fetus and then we'd go through the abortion.

I'm also glad that Louis didn't listen to me when I told him he didn't need to tag along. I honestly don't know what I'd do if it weren't for him. I've been so disoriented throughout the day; he's done all the speaking with the nurse and the doctors. Actually, I'd barely spoken today. It seemed hard to even walk properly, if it weren't for that hand he had on my lower back that kept guiding me, I'd pretty much be glued to the floor. All his actions were making his intentions clear; he wanted to get rid of it as soon as possible.

I don't blame him; he's a twenty-three year-old who doesn't do relationships. Having a baby was probably an aliened idea to him before I showed up at his doorstep two days ago.

He was driving his car and I was on the passenger seat. My Bentley is just in the garage at my apartment. There's this part of me that wants to get it over with as soon as possible and just go home and eat some ramen noodles whilst watching some old episodes of How I Met Your Mother. But there is this other part of me, this huge part that's telling me that I shouldn't do this.

A baby, there's a baby inside me. I finally can be a mother; there will be someone who'd look up to me, completely dependent on me. This... this is what I wanted my whole life. I've always wanted to be a mother. Granted, my dysfunctional relationship with my own mother can be one of the main reasons why I'd always wanted to be a mother so badly, but that's not important. What's important is that what I've wanted all my life is finally inside me and I'm killing it.

I googled how an abortion works, and it just left me even more devastated. To think that my baby would be going through all that... and to think that I'd wanted to be a better mother to my child than what my mother was for me...

"You okay?" Louis must have sensed my paranoia from my fumbling hands and me zoning out all the time. I nod, feeding him a lie that I'd been feeding myself; I'm okay. "Aurora... if- if you're only doing this for me... Do- do you want to do this?"

No... Yes... I don't know!

"Yeah," my voice sounds hoarse from keeping quiet for most of the day, "I-I do."

He sighs, focusing back on the wheels and the rest of the ride is exactly how it was seconds ago: silent.

We we're soon parked before Prince Charles' Hospital. I get out and he's quick to rush to my side, his hand is back to my lower back. He maneuvers both of us through the busy hospital crowd and to the reception. He's now speaking to the receptionist and I can barely hear him; you know, one of those times when the noise inside your head is so much louder than the noise around you.