Work In Progress |L.T| |A.U|

XLIX - Tomlinson

XLIX - Tomlinson

A hiss escapes my lips as I move, the sore muscles in my abdomen causing a jolt of pain to rush through my being. Max looks a bit aged, a bit skinny; but he can pack a solid punch, that's for sure. He'd been escorted out of the hospital after what happened, prohibited to return in the hospital premises; so I know he won't be coming back any time soon to throw another punch or two.

He'd left me with a black eye, a cut on my lip and bruised torso. But those are the wounds that you can see, the scars that his words had caused are much, much deeper. The pain, the anger in his voice as he told me how it was all my fault... we both know that he was not lying.

She's there, lying on a bed with machines keeping her alive, solely because of me. I put that baby inside her, I know she had her consent with it, but how can I not blame this on me?

I love her. She's that one person I'd give up anything and everything for. I'd climb mountains for her, jump oceans for her. I'd do anything if she'd just tell me once. She keeps me alive. Those radiant eyes, that bedazzling smile, her laugh, the way she is around me, around the people she loves... they give me hope, they tell me that there is more to life than just existing. And she's dying because of the baby we made together.

"How long are you planning to drag this out?" Nikki's incessant nags are just adding up to my never-ending list of problems.

"As long as I fucking want to." I bite back, scowling at her.

"Louis," I close my eyes, sighing at the subtle scold.

"Mum, don't make me do this-"

"She is your daughter!" She yells, silencing my words. "You can't keep doing this."

"She's the reason why Rory is where she is right now." I tell her, "If it weren't for her, she'd be with us right now, not dying."

"She is not going to die, Louis-"

"You didn't hear what the doctor said. You don't know how she said it." I throat starts closing in and my vision gets blurry with the tears for the thousandth time. "She's going to die."

"Oh Louis." She pulls me in, wrapping her arms around my frame as I break-down... again.

That's all I've been doing for the past two days: have self-induced breakdowns.

I clutch the material of her top as I continue crying, the heaviness of the situation weighing me down, making it difficult for me to breathe. I close my eyes and can only see the look on her face when she was on the hospital bed. That can't be the last time we talked, that can't be the last time she looked into my eyes...

I clutch my eyes tighter, shaking the thought off. No, I can't lose hope. She'll come back. Dr Robins was wrong. Miracles happen every day, people escape death every day. She'll do it too, she will be a miracle. She has to, there is no other choice. I can't lose her, the world can't lose her.

I inhale deeply before letting go of mum. Wiping under my eyes with the back of my hand, I stand up from the uncomfortable metal chairs, sniffing. "I'll be with her for a while." I mutter before walking out of the waiting room.

It's been two days since I've started to practically live within these white marbled floor and pale yellow walls. Not showered, barely eaten. Two days since the news of the love of my life's possible demise hit me, two days since I've been anything but stable. But this is not about me.

The kid is two days old too. Fourty-eight hours. And I haven't even looked at her face yet. I don't care if that makes me a horrible person, I know I won't be able to love that kid. How can I? My Rory is leaving me all because of her. How can I possibly bring myself to love her? How can I possibly hold her without thinking of how I won't ever be able to hold Rory again because of her? How will I look at her face, which would resemble hers and not think of my beautiful girl and how I will not be able to see her face again?