Work In Progress |L.T| |A.U|

XLVI - Atkins

XLVI – Atkins

"Hey baby," an unintentional smile creeps up my lips as I feel the light thudding at the bottom of my stomach. She's been kicking like crazy for the past month. Apparently, she likes to sleep during the day and play football during the night and it is doing wonders for my sleep schedule.

My hands gently rub over the massive t-shirt I'm wearing. To know that there is a life brewing inside me is the most surreal experience I ever had. I now have an extra pair of eyes, ears, heart, brain, hands and feet; an entire being... her rapid kicking slows down a notch as I keep talking to her.

"How are you, my darling? How is mummy's tummy treating you?" the light thudding continues to make me smile wider. "I love you, sweetheart. I can't wait for you to come out and look at me with your beautiful eyes."

I slowly rub my thumb over the soft material, feeling my baby moving.

I don't know the gender yet. I guess I'll only find it out after the delivery. I had always imagined holding Louis's hand, looking at the doctor expectantly with a nervous smile on our faces as we waited to know if we were going to have a son or a daughter. But now that it's not possible, I also don't want to do it alone. I know I could always take Liam, Nikki or Zayn with me, but it wouldn't be the same, it wouldn't be like having him with me.

Pathetic, isn't it?

After all that he's done and all that he hasn't done, I'm still so disgustingly in love with him. It's not like I didn't try, I did. It's just that once upon a time, he was all I had. After I'd left Wales and moved in with him, he was my rock, my support.

Funny how someone who was once the only thing keeping me afloat is now the cause for me to sink.

I could never forgive him for what he did, I could never look over the fact that he actually slept with someone else. At the same time, I can't just stop loving him either. There is no off button in this thing. God, this is so fucking hard.

My thoughts soon turn dark and I'm now leaned back, staring at the ceiling, not talking to my baby any more. Happy thoughts Rory, happy thoughts. Depressing thoughts aren't good for the baby.

I sigh, leaning more on the couch with closed eyes and a grim face. That's how I've been the whole time; one moment, I'm all cheery and talk to my baby and everything and the next, I'm quiet and distant, everything that happened feeling like a hit from a brick.

I should be happy that he didn't fight for me, that he didn't pester me to forgive him. I should be grateful that he didn't choose to keep badgering me with constant phone-calls and appearances. It's not like I would have forgiven him if he did so, right? I couldn't possibly look over the fact that he cheated.

We hadn't broken up; we weren't even on a break. I simply needed some time to think it through, if I could handle my time alone. But he couldn't keep it in his pants for that long. How could I possibly forget that?

People normally spent their weekends relaxing and enjoying life and here I am, sulking over my cheating boyfriend. I really need to get a fucking grip.

The abrupt sound of the doorbell ringing startles me. It's really hard to stand up from a sitting position, so I just sit there hoping Liam would get it. But as soon as the thought crosses my mind, I remember he's out with Nikki, meeting up with someone... I think that's what he said, or maybe not.

The relentless knocking causes me to grunt as I take support from the arm-rest of the couch to stand up slowly and make way to the main door. Even the simplest things like walking to open the door feels so hard when you have a belly this big.