Work In Progress |L.T| |A.U|

XLIV - Atkins

XLIV - Atkins

Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.

You build up all those defences, you build up a whole suit of armour, so that nothing can hurt you. And then one stupid person, no different that any other stupid person, wanders into you stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.

Love takes hostages. It gets inside you, it eats you up and leaves you crying in the darkness. So a simple phrase like 'we're done' turns into a glass splinter working it's way into your heart.

It hurts. Not just in your imagination. Not just in your mind. It's a soul-hurt; a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

The holidays have started now. The rainy city of London is now cold and the pavement which normally gets wet with rain is now wet with frost.

When you look outside your window, you can see all the festivities blinding you. The fairy-lights in almost every other window you see, Christmas trees, people dressed as Father Christmas, warm fuzzy Christmas themed jumpers.

I myself am a big Christmas fanatic, I'd have gotten into the festive spirit since the first day of December, starting to watch the Christmas films and all. But naturally, it's different this time.

For one, I cannot decorate a Christmas tree considering the massive baby-bump I have. Also, I have no mood nor any enthusiasm to be festive.

It's almost been a week since I last saw him and the memory of his face alone is enough to bring me to tears.

"I'm happy with him." I had lied, hoping it sounded convincing enough.

"I'm happy for you." He lied too.

Happiness saddened us both strangely.

I start picking at the loose thread on the edge of my blanket, muffled noises of Liam and Nikki bickering about the Christmas tree disrupting the silence. They had decided to visit Nikki's parents on Christmas and then Liam's on New Year and I'm happy for them. I can't expect them to sidetrack their own lives because I can't 'get over it'.

When my phone starts buzzing, I am forced to kick the warm duvet off and stagger to the table and sit up on the side of the bed.

Half expecting to see his name on the screen, my annoyance already heightens but my screen flashes another name.

My heart starts thumping rapidly as I compose myself. Tears already pricking my eyes and throat going dry, I reluctantly answer the phone and press it against my ear.

"Princess..."

His voice... I close my eyes tightly, biting my lower lip to control the trembling as I take his voice in, finding the long lost comfort I'd been seeking.

"Dada." I mentally applaud myself for being able to keep a steady voice.

"What's wrong, darling?" His tone is filled with the abundant love and adoration he has for me, but I'm beyond fazed by his discovery.

"How... How did you know?"

"Princess, I know I'm getting old. But theses are the same ears that were pressed against your mother's belly when she was pregnant. You think these ears can't hear my girl when she is in distress?"