Work In Progress |L.T| |A.U|

XLIII - Tomlinson

It's unedited, so heads up. And I'd be really grateful if you guys would point out the mistakes, so it would be easier for me when I edit it later.

XLIII - Tomlinson

I keep staring at the wide open door, hoping that she might come back just like she did a while ago. Hoping she might jump into my arms and tell me that she loves me just like she did a while ago.

I know I'm being stupid, I know that it's over now and I know that I'm the biggest dickhead the world has ever seen. I messed up, big time and there is no way that I can ever be able to fix this.

A few days ago, I had hope. I had hope that she might just come back to me, she might think it through and come back to me and she did. She came.

Why? Why did I have to do that? Why did I have to instantly jump to the conclusion that she was with Zayn? Why did I have to get so pissed that I slept with someone who is not Aurora?

Minutes or hours had passed since she'd left, but my brain seems to have lost the ability to process time. The image of her, turning away from me, shattered and filled with gut-wrenching disbelief, was burned to my brain. Her echoing words were accompanied by the footsteps that carried her away, the creak of the frame that let her slip past and the quiet thud of the closing door finalising her departure.

How many times would I have to watch her walk away from me? How many more experiences like this could I endure before I break down?

I squeeze my eyes tightly shut and run my palm down my face as I blow out a deep breath. Every instinct I have is screaming at me to chase after her, to calm her down and explain myself, but I know I can't. She doesn't want to see me, something she made very clear with her departing words and defeated posture.

How can I fix her when I am the one who broke her? My stomach churns and I suddenly feel like throwing up when another thought crosses me.

Is she done with me forever?

I suddenly have to sit down and shake my head vigorously, chasing away the devastating thought. I cannot even entertain that idea or I will lose it for sure.

I let my hands press to my face to block out the world, but it doesn't seem to help as guilt knots my stomach and my thoughts continue the endless cycle of torture.

My heart thumps irregularly in my chest, though not in the way it usually did because of Rory. These beats feel erratic and out of control, as if my body recognises the stress I am only starting to feel. I let my hands fall to my sides and fists form, frustrated that there is nothing I can do other than let her go and hope for a miracle to make her forgive me. I know her well enough to know that my attempt to go after her would only make things worse.

If there is anything that I am certain of, it is that I love her with every cell of my body, every breath in my lungs, every beat if my heart. All I want to do is be hers and let her have full control of my heart, but it seems my stupidity is making every move to keep me from that. My life had been absolute chaos since the moment she came in it, but there is no doubt in my mind that she is exactly what I need without even knowing it.

A deep sigh pushes past my lips as I try to push the dark ugly weight that has settled over me. There's a nagging at the back of my mind that I cannot ignore, whispering dark thoughts that I so desperately do not want to hear that chip away to me, word my word. No matter how tightly I squeeze my eyes shut, I can hear them -- through my brain.

You don't deserve her.

You've ruined it forever.

She's going leave you.