Then and Now: Always yours

Chapter Five

Jackson - Now

It had been a long day yesterday going through my vision for my next record with Alice. Seeing her again after all this time was a shock to the system and as much as it was kind of nice to see her again, it was also painful at the same time. I looked in the bathroom mirror and pushed my wet hair off my face when I felt two arms wrap around my chest.
"You showered without me? No fair" Sasha purred as I turned around in her arms and smiled as she pouted up at me.
"Sorry baby, I've got another long day in the studio today" I kissed the top of her forehead as I turned back to the sink and set about brushing my teeth.
"I'll be swinging by later this afternoon, I've got a meeting with the studio manager so thought I'd check in and meet this hot shot producer you're working with"
I tensed at her words, I knew it was wrong but I hadn't yet confessed to Sasha that the hot shot producer 'Lilian' was actually my childhood sweetheart Alice. Somehow I don't think that was a conversation that was going to end well and it was definitely one I was keen to avoid.

I finished up getting a ready and said my goodbyes to Sasha as I made my way out to the waiting car. My mind wandered to Alice and I couldn't help but feel curious about what she'd been up to all these years. It was clear she wasn't going to the forthcoming with any details after her 'let's keep this professional' speech so I did the next best thing. Searched for her on social media. I quick scroll through, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter and my search came up empty. There was no trace of her. I typed in Lilian Walker but all that came up was a business profile with very little information. She was like a ghost. I frowned to myself as I put my phone away and returned my attention to the traffic outside. The car suddenly came to a halt as the driver swore profanities at a women who had just rushed in front of traffic to cross the road. I studied the women and couldn't believe my eyes. I recognised that unruly brown hair anywhere.
"Pull over" I commanded as I pressed the button for the window to roll down, the car slowly pulled to a stop.
"Alice...get in" I called back to her as she approached the car. I wasn't about to take no for an answer as I met her weary gaze I opened the car door and shuffled across to the next seat. I watched as she hesitantly got in and closed the door behind her.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to run out in front of you. Mornings can be a bit hectic for me" I wasn't sure if she was apologising to me or the driver. I offered her a smile as she settled into her seat.
"Nice car, guess that's the perks of being a star" she smirked at me and I decided not to take offence to her comment.
"Why are mornings hectic?" I asked changing the subject. She looked momentarily taken aback.
"You just said, mornings are hectic for you?" I clarified and watched as she shuffled uncomfortably in her seat.
"Just a lot to do that's all" she answered flatly and turned her attention out of the window. She wasn't going to get away that lightly this time, we technically weren't at work yet.
"You have a boyfriend or a husband at home keeping you busy?" I asked knowing I was pushing the boundaries. She turned to face me, shock evident on her expression
"No" she snapped with no further elaboration. Guess she was going to make this difficult for me after all.
"Okay, so no man in your life. What about your mum? Is she still giving you grief?" I asked lightheartedly as I remembered how her mum would constantly nag at her to do better, she definitely didn't ever approve of me that's for sure. Even after she was sober I'm pretty sure she still hated me.
"No" she whispered back as she turned away once again to face the window. I was getting frustrated. How could she act so coldly towards me, she wasn't even trying to be civil and it was really starting to get under my skin.
"Really Alice this is how it's going to be with us? You can't even tell me how your mum is for Christ's sake" I huffed in annoyance.
"She's dead. Are you happy now" she snapped at me as she looked at me with those brown eyes shining with tears.
"Shit Alice, I had no idea" guilt washed over me as I processed what she was telling me. Her mum had died and I'd just made a joke about her giving her grief. For fuck sake Jackson.
"How would you know. We aren't in each others lives anymore, I wouldn't expect you to know" she didn't return her gaze from the window as she spoke and I didn't exactly blame her.
"When?" I asked softly as I watched her take a deep breath.
"Just over two years ago. She'd been sick for a while though" I heard the crack of emotion in her voice and I instinctively reached out and held her hand.
"I'm sorry. I know you had a difficult relationship but she's still your mum. It must have been hard for you" I offered her hand a gentle squeeze and I was surprised to find she didn't pull away. After a moment of silence she finally turned and met my gaze.
"I'm sorry about your dad, I went to his funeral" her expression looked softer and for the first time it almost felt like I was looking at the old Alice.
"You went to the funeral? I didn't see you?" My dad had died in a car crash about a year after I'd left. I hadn't seen Alice at the funeral but then again I was a complete mess.
"I didn't see you. I thought you didn't come" I admitted. I'd honestly thought she wasn't there. I know Sasha had reached out to her on my behalf, I was too much of a mess to help plan any of it. Me and my dad had always been close but in his final year we'd drifted apart. He didn't agree with my decision to move to America and in our last phone call we'd had an argument about Alice of all things I remember the last time I'd heard from him, I'd missed his call and he left me a voicemail saying something about me needing to talk to Alice. I couldn't understand why he was so intent on me reaching out to her but that's what he wanted me to do.
"He was always kind to me, your place was practically my second home. Your dad was more of a parent to me than my own mother at times. Of course I was there" she let go of my hand before she continued "you were with Sasha, you looked close so I didn't want to interrupt. I stayed in the back and left right after the service"
She'd seen me with Sasha. Guess it probably looked like we were a couple, which at the time we weren't. Me and Sasha have only been dating the past year, I'd never really seen her that way but over time I guess we grew closer.
The car pulled to a stop and I looked out the window to see we'd reached the studio.
"I've got a few calls to make, I'll see you inside?" I gestured to my phone as she opened the door and exited the car. I watched as she entered the building. I couldn't let this happen again, I couldn't be sucked down that path. It was hard enough to come back from it the first time. I couldn't do that again.