Then and Now: Always yours

Chapter Nine

Jackson - Now

I rushed out of there as fast as I could, I can't believe she kissed me. I mean I clearly didn't mind in the moment and I probably even helped spur her on a little bit. How could I be so stupid. I ran my hands through my hair in frustration as I paced the street outside the studio. My car wasn't due to pick me up for another couple of hours, I could call and get it sooner but that would likely cause suspicion. Shit how could I do this, how could I kiss her like that when I'm with Sasha. Oh my god Sasha. She was stopping by this afternoon, for all I know she might already be inside. I pulled my phone from my pocket and hastily dialled her number.
"Hey babe how's it going? Is Lilian helping create your vision?" I could hear the smile in her voice as she spoke. A pang of guilt hit me as I remembered I hadn't told her there was no Lilian.
"Uh yeah, you know we've actually had a pretty successful day so I thought I'd finish up early and spend some time with my girl, you free?" I hated myself for lying to her but I wasn't ready to face the shit storm that was Alice and Sasha coming face to face again. They didn't get on much back when I first met Sasha. Alice was always worried that there was something going on between us, which of course there wasn't at the time. Sasha had really been there for me through everything. When my dad died, getting over Alice. She was my rock and over time our relationship just kind of developed.
"Sure, I had a meeting planned in with Claire but I can push it back until tomorrow and spend the rest of the afternoon with you, shall I swing by the studio with the car and pick you up?"
She didn't even question my motives and that made me feel even worse. I'd come clean with her about Alice, I would. But now wasn't the right time.
"Sure thing babe, I'll wait outside for you"
I hung up the phone before I got caught in another lie. I think it's about time I started looking for another producer. I hadn't lied when I said me and Alice got some good work done today but it wasn't fair on Sasha for me to be getting caught up in my past again. Not when it ended so badly the first time round.

******

As we lay in our hotel room eating room service I couldn't help but feel consumed with guilt. I watched as Sasha led out on the bed, sheets tangled up around as she reached for some leftover bread from our meal. She caught me staring and smiled her perfect smile back at me as I leaned back against the headboard.
"What's troubling that pretty little mind of yours? I thought you'd be thoroughly relaxed after our afternoon together?" She smirked at me as she sat up on the bed.
"Nothing really, I was just thinking maybe it might be a good idea to keep our options up with the new producer, maybe have another look around and see what else is out there?" She frowned at me as she processed my words.
"But I thought you said you'd got some good work done with Lilian? I know you wanted to work with someone new and a bit niche, Lilian has such a low profile but there's a buzz about her that is worth checking out. From what my dad said they think she's going to be an up and coming star. I think she could be really good for you Jack"
She looked at me all doe eyed, her green eyes watching me with confusion.
"Sash there's something I need to tell you about Lilian" here it was, I needed to come clean and now was my chance.
"Listen, I know it must be hard opening up about your music with a stranger and I know that the two of you will be working closely together but I honestly believe she's the right fit for you babe. I listened to a couple of demos of a band that worked with her a few months back. She made their song...well she made it better. You have to give her a chance, what is it that's bothering you so much?"
This wasn't exactly going to plan, I sighed to myself in defeat.
"Her name isn't Lilian Sash, that's just her pseudonym" I was cut off by her laughter
"And that's what's bothering you? That you didn't know her real name. Oh you are funny, I mean it's hardly world class news....dun dun dun, music producer uses pen name" her laughter continued and I knew this conversation was over.
I mulled over what she'd said and I knew she was right about one thing. Alice was good at what she did and if I wanted to produce a great record then I needed her help.
A sudden rush of creativity took over and I found myself wanting to pick up my guitar and play around with some ideas. I'd left my guitar at the studio in my hasty exit. Maybe if I headed back over there I could swing by and have an hour or two shooting around some ideas.
"Hey babe do you mind if I head back to the studio for an hour or two? I've got some ideas I want to try out" I hoped she wouldn't mind me ditching her, although we had spent the entire afternoon together in bed.
"Of course, go. We are paying them a pretty penny for use of the place so you may as well make the most of it. I'll give the studio a call and let them know you're heading back over" she smiled over at me as she grabbed her phone and wandered out of the bedroom to make the call. I jumped in the shower quickly before throwing on a clean t shirt and jeans and then headed down to meet my driver. It was just after 6pm and I wasn't sure if Alice would still be at the studio but I guess I was about to find out.

As we pulled up outside the building I could it was mostly dark, as I approached the main doors Liv unlocked them and welcomed me inside.
"Didn't expect to see you again today, Alice said something had come up earlier?" She chirped as she locked the door behind us and led the way to Alice's studio.
"Is Alice still here?" I asked trying not to seem too inquisitive. I caught the small curl of her lip as she listened to my question.
"Um no, Alice has plans with Sam tonight" she smiled as she unlocked the studio and let me inside.
"Stay as long as you need, I'll tell Mike from security that you're here and he will let you out when you're done"
We said a quick goodbye and then I was alone. It felt strange to be in Alice's studio by myself. Almost as if I were invading her privacy. The comment about her having plans with Sam wasn't lost on me either. I don't know why she'd lie when I asked if she was seeing anyone. Guess she didn't owe me anything.
I set down to work with my guitar and I found it surprisingly easy. I got lost in my work and before I knew it it was almost 9pm. I set my guitar down and saved the latest recoding on Alice's computer. I couldn't help but notice a folder named ALW, Alice Lilian Walker and temptation got the better of me. I clicked the folder and thirteen tracks were inside. I knew I shouldn't but I clicked on one of the untitled tracks and let it play. There was no doubt in my mind that it was Alice's voice singing the sad melodic song. It was a story of heartbreaking loss and I immediately felt guilty for having played it. I closed the track down and turned off the computer. I never did understand why she didn't pursue a career as an artist or even a songwriter. She was the whole package. Judging from that one song I'd heard she definitely had the talent, but that wasn't what bothered me most. Instead I found myself wondering what had happened to make her feel that sadness and pain that she sang about in her song. Was it me? That couldn't be true, she'd made her choice and I wasn't it. Part of me ached to know her story. The story of what had happened to make my once closest friend feel pain like that.