Petal [h.s.]

SIXTY-ONE - UNTIL THE SUN RISES

I tried to stay away from the Wasteland.

That lasted less than 24 hours after I left Arabella in my flat.

It wasn't just her that made me run out. It was everything hitting me all at once. It was her looking beautiful and sad, practically living in my flat, because she missed me that much. It was her keeping my plants alive and cleaning my things and washing my sheets. It was my shop downstairs being empty and the hole that was left inside of me at the sight of it. It was the look on her face when she said we have a cat together and the warm, fuzzy feeling I got in my chest when I held him in my arms. It was the urge I had to lay in my bed, not because I missed it, but because I knew my sheets would smell like her.

I ran out of that flat and away from that girl because it all felt so familiar to me and it was terrifying. It felt like home, she felt like home, and my father's house did not. My father's house felt like the coldest place in the world and being in that tiny flat with Arabella for ten minutes was like living on the surface of the sun, that's how warm it was.

Jessie was quiet as she drove me back to my father's cold, empty mansion. I quietly thanked her for telling me the truth and then I disappeared into my bedroom where I stayed for the night. I didn't know how long she stayed or when she left. She didn't try to talk to me again that day, which caused more guilt to flare up inside of me, knowing that she was likely upset about my other life.

My father checked on me when he got home, but I pretended I was asleep. I couldn't bear to look him in his face after seeing my mother's dreams dead because of him. I waited until I was sure that he was in his own room for the night and then I snuck out of the house. I quietly pulled my old bike out of the garage and I rode it to the Wasteland.

At first I just stood on the boardwalk outside of the building, looking for signs of Arabella being awake. I didn't want to just waltz in and scare her again like I did earlier. There was one light on, so I thought maybe she was still up. I thought maybe she was waiting for me to come back. I leaned my bike against the railing of the boardwalk and made my way upstairs once again.

I knocked that time, my knuckles gentle on the wooden door. After silence for a long moment, I decided to pull my key out and use it to go inside. I tried to make as much noise as I could so I wouldn't startle her, but I found that the flat was empty. She was gone and so was Jagger. I couldn't begin to explain the hole in my chest when I realized they were no longer there and I had no way to find them again.

That night I crawled into my bed, as unfamiliar as it was to me, and I pressed my face into the pillows to inhale the scent of Arabella. I felt a burn in my eyes at how unrecognizable and yet comforting her perfume was. I got a better night of sleep there than I had gotten since I was released from the hospital. Instead of nightmares, I had sweet dreams about all of the memories from my night with Arabella at Apartment X. I remembered how strong our connection was that one night and the way I felt when she told me to go back home. I felt crushed. I felt hopeless.