Learning to live

Learning to live: i need to know

I opened my eyes to the bright winter sun beaming through the blinds. I turned my head to clock thinking it would only be morning. It was 2:30pm. I lay there for a few seconds preparing myself to get out of bed and into the cold to turn the heating on, completely forgetting about the situation i could be in. Peeta was stills asleep as usual. That's all he really did apart from cooking or popping down to check on the bakery or painting or playing his stupid computer games. I sat up with the horrible acidic sick racing up my chest again,jumping out of bed I caused peeta to stir. Luckily I made it to the toilet in time. If I was actually pregnant I don't know how much longer I could carry on being sick like this. After I decided I was done being sick I forced myself to go downstairs and do something productive considering it would be dark in just over an hour. I debated having a walk into town but it was below freezing and lightly snowing. I then contemplated driving but I can barely drive in the best weather conditions never mind winter ones. One way or another I would have to get a pregnancy test. I thought about ringing delly because she's recently been through the anxiety of not knowing. But she has a loud mouth and could get over excited over nothing. I then thought about Annie, she was just as stressed with Luca at the moment and with everything that was happening in her home district I doubt she would be up to it. That leaves johanna. Johanna mason of all people as peeta calls her "judgy johanna" well she was one of my best friends (I could never choose between her and Annie who was actually my bestest friend) I threw peeta's hoodie on which buried me. I shoved the first pair of shoes I could see on and grabbed my phone and keys knowing peeta would be awake some time soon and wonder where I'd gotten off to. As soon as I opened the front door the cold hit me I loved and hated this time of year I never really could make up my mind. I slowly trudged across the victors village looking up at the grey sky. It seemed so peaceful. A completely different scene to what it was like in summer in the victors village everybody sat outside on deck chairs everybody drinking and laughing. But in this moment there wasn't a sound not even from nature, the only thing breaking up the grey outside was the warm glow of lights inside the houses. Johanna and gales lights were on so I knew they would be up. Well they being the operative word I had no clue what was happening with johanna and gale at the moment. I stood outside their gate for a while debating wether this was a good idea telling johanna about this. As I was about to walk away johanna shouted from her top window "what do you want?"
I froze not knowing what to say, I knew I would have to tell her,
"can I come in?" I asked.
"Obviously" she laughed shutting the window.
I took a deep breath and entered her front door.
Her not so silent feet pounded down the stairs. I wonder when she lost her ability to be quiet.
"So what's up?" She asked.
I looked at her for a moment studying her carefully, her hair was much shorter and a lighter shade. She must have noticed me looking,
"Do you like it?" She tugged on her short hair twirling it round her finger.
After she had her head shaved by the Capitol about 5 years ago she never cut it. Last time I saw her it was at least at her hips. Now it was just above her boobs and her once jet black hair now had warm caramel tones in.
"Love it" I smiled. "Glad you finally had the guts to cut it"
"Thanks girl on fire"
I just rolled my eyes
"Sooooo what's up?" She wondered sitting down on her couch.
I took a deep breath and sat down next to her.
"First. Where's gale?"
She looked at me weird "he's in town with thom, why?"
"Okay, I think, well I don't know but I might be pregnant"
Her jaw dropped. "Not you too"
"I didn't plan this" I tried to defend myself.
"Oh I know that you of all people would not plan to have a baby, have you told peeta?"
A laugh some how escaped my body this however was not a funny situation. "No are you mad imagine how excited he would be, it's all he's ever wanted"
"So what are you going to do?" She asked pulling crossing her legs onto the couch.
"Well I think I need a test?"
I thought back to when johanna told us she was once pregnant but had to get rid of her baby because snow would hurt them.
I knew this was a touchy subject but I knew johanna could handle it
"How do you, how do you know if you are pregnant" I asked Johanna.
"You're asking me? Why didn't you ask Annie or delly"
"Because I wanted to ask you but it doesn't matter I'm sorry I brought it up i know it's hard" I apologised
"No it's fine if rather talk about it I think about that baby all the time I regret it so much knowing now that they would have never had to be in the games. They could have had a great life. But then I think who would have looked after him or her while I was in the quarter quell or when I was captured by the Capitol. Imagine what president snow could have done to them if they were taken with me. So maybe it was best what I did. It's a awful feeling katniss it really is" she stared at the wall for a moment.
I had no clue what to say to her.
We sat in silence for another minute until johanna broke the silence. "Sorry I forgot you asked me how you know if you are pregnant, well firstly there's your missed period"
She looked At me assuming I had missed my period.
I nodded to signify that I had.
"How many weeks late?"
"I haven't had a period in about 11 weeks"
"Oh Jesus, then there's this horrible sickness god that is awful"
I stared at her wide eyed.
"Guessing you have that to?"
"Yep every morning and sometimes night depending on what I have eaten" I replied.
"Then there's the swollen boobs and sore nipples" she looked down to my boobs and raised her eyebrows "yikes"
I put my head in my hands this was getting more and more worried by the second.
"Well I'm sorry to say girl on fire I think you and the other love bird are having a baby bird"
"What do I do?"
"What do you mean what do you do? You take a pregnancy test and If you are pregnant then you go get your arse home and tell peeta all his dreams are coming true" she devilishly smiled.
"shit" I sighed.
"Wait I have a test upstairs" she exclaimed.
I looked at her confused.
"Me and gale had a scare a few months back" she elaborated.
"Oh"
"Come on" she shot up making her way up the stairs.
I followed my legs shaking nervously.
Somehow I made it to the bathroom my mind racing at a mile a minute.
Johanna pulled out the test from her bathroom cabinet. "All yours"
She walked out shouting "let me know in three minutes"
My heart pounded in my chest I sat on the edge of Johanna's bath waiting for the test to show something.