Learning to live

Learning to live: moving on

It was the slowest hour of my life, even slower than every hour in the hunger games. Every minute or two delly would clutch her stomach in pain, even Johanna looked worried.
"Wow I wish Annie was here she knows how much this hurts" delly said through gritted teeth.
Nobody said anything.
"Okay delly I think you're about ready to push"

After what felt like hours delly was on her last push.
"This is it delly one last push an you will have your baby with you" the nurse smiled.
Thom smiled back an delly looked absolutely exhausted.
"Come on you can do it keep pushing" the nurse urged.
Delly let out a scream with a push along side, then a sigh.
"She's here" the nurse smiled.
"She?" Johanna asked delly.
"Yeah she" delly laughed.
"Well gale owes me money, he bet that you were having a boy an I said girl"
"You bet on my child?" Delly asked.
"Hey it's easy money" Johanna joked.
The nurse handed delly the baby, we all peered over her an thom looked in shock.
"What are we calling her?" Delly directed at thom. This seemed to snap him out of his trance.
"Well out of the few names we agreed on I like phoebe an rosie" he coked his head to the side to get a better look of her.
"I think we should let katniss decide" delly smiled at me.
"Okay, phoebe or Rosie, your pick" thom said.
I squinted my eyes looking at this tiny thing, much smaller than what Luca was when he was born, seeing which name she suited best.
I decided she was a phoebe.
"Phoebe, she's a phoebe"
"Good choice" delly told me.
My phone lit up an peeta's caller ID flashed on screen.
"Hey, has delly has the baby?"
"Yeah she had a little girl" I smiled down the phone.
"Really? What've they called her" he asked.
"Well Actually I got to pick, I picked phoebe"
I smiled formed on Johanna's lips, the most sincere smile I had seen in a long time from her.
"That's really pretty kat" peeta replied.
"Well thank you" I said in a joking voice.
"Gotta go Luca is crying I'll see you tonight"
"Was that peeta?" Thom asked.
"Yep" I nodded. "He would come see the baby but he has Luca"
"He will have plenty of chances to see her, you guys will always be first on baby sitting duties" she joked.
"Well we have Luca that much another one wouldn't make a difference" I laughed back.
I stayed another hour or so then decided to head home to peeta an Luca. Driving home In silence made me think about things I never really thought about. It had been nearly 3 years since the rebellion had ended an everyone seemed to be getting on with their lives. Luca was almost two an Annie seemed to be less fragile, sure she missed finnick, a lot, we all still do but she pulled herself together. Johanna had started spending more an more time In the shower realising that they couldn't hurt her anymore. We had all made new friends along the way, Daisy, Melissa, Tammie an so many more. District 12 had been rebuilt the population has risen an no districts were with out food. Pollux wouldn't be an avox in a few months time thanks to a trial in the Capitol. Delly, small squeaky Delly Cartwright who used to really really annoy me had become one of my best friends. Delly who helped peeta back to health after being tortured an wanting to kill me. Delly who now has a baby and is engaged to thom from the seam, just like me. I don't think anybody could of predicted them two as a couple. Gale had fallen in love, with witty artful Johanna. He had moved back to 12 even though is family were in 2 just for Johanna. haymitch wasn't an alcoholic anymore, sure he enjoyed the odd drink when all of us were drinking but he gained something he never had, control. He was finally happy with Effie. Effie trinket who was so intwined In the capitols lies an riches that she had never saw through the lies. Until the quarter quell when I saw the look on her face pulling out the only name In the girls bowl. Mine. Her face when she pulled out haymitch's, the sigh of relief when she knew it wasn't peeta. The hurt on her face when peeta volunteered. Now she was stripped from all the riches she had in the Capitol, no fancy wig, no crazy dresses or make up, still the same Effie on the inside but completely different on the outside. Then there's peeta who overcame a torturing an a hijacking. Sure there are still times when he clutches the back of the chair while flashbacks pierce his memory. It takes everything he has to hold to reality. Everything he is to find his way back to me. He did though he found a way to love me again, he found a way back. All these people completely changed after sharing the same disasters, after losing almost everything they had an still managed to move on with life. So. Why can't i? I have made small changes, adapting to a new life, finally marrying peeta, but I knew I would all along, I knew I would choose peeta. Them few months he was gone from me I realised it was him all along. Here I am driving home, in a car, to peeta. Something that i could never of dreamed possible 10 or 5 years ago. Still not being able to move on with my life, I think that's the real reason is don't want to, no can't give peeta what he really wants, children, because my old life still has a hold over my new one.