Learning to live

Learning to live: dinner

I sat on mine and peetas bed in my towel. Staring at the pictures around our bedroom. Some of prim, some of finnick and everyone else who we had lost. I don't know why but at some point in the time I had been sat there a smile appeared on my lips. A smile. On a day like today. I could hear peeta clattering pans down stairs preparing the food for this afternoon. I caught a glimpse of myself the the mirror that covered the sliding door of our built in wardrobes. My face was a shiny brown colour and the dark bags from under my eyes seemed to have disappeared. I don't understand how my skin was bronzed when we were in the beginning of December. I stood up forcing myself to get dry. My whole skin had goose bumps all over it.
"Katniss?" Peeta shouted up pulling me out of some sort of daze.
"Yyyeah" I shouted back.
"Do you know where the new place mats are?"
"Erm under the stairs I think"
"Thanks"
I took a deep breath pushing the sickness feeling down again. Not today I thought. Not today. It's not only me who will be feeling fragile. It's not only me who lost people that day.
I slid open the wardrobe wondering what I could wear. We usually all dress formal.i pulled my leather skirt with the zip down the back and my black polo neck. I thought it would probably do. I stepped into my tights ️and smoothed down my skirt. I stared at my reflection again. Taking a deep breath i sternly said out loud "my name is Katniss Mellark, I am 20 years old, I am married to peeta Mellark. Most of my friends are dead. My sister is dead. I live in district 12 in the victors village again. I love peeta mellark. I am safe. The war ended 4 years ago. I AM SAFE." I nodded to myself ️an waked out of the bedroom.
My legs felt weaker today as I took each step down.
I blamed it on not being able to hunt really through the winter seasons and promised myself after February when the snow would have cleared I would get straight back jnto it.
As I approached the bottom step the door rang which seemed strange to me everybody usual just walks in.
Pulling open the door Gave me a fresh new round of sickness swirling in my stomach. I didn't know if it was good or bad.
"Wwhat are you doing here?" I asked in the nicest way possible.
"I needed to see you"
"You saw me at the wedding" I quickly replied.
"But it's not enough" the unexpected guest lowered their head so their eyes would meet the ground.
"I thought didn't want to come back"
"It wasn't that I didn't want to katniss, it was that I couldn't"
"So why are you here now?" I asked.
"Because I've realised I don't want to miss anything else" they said meeting their eyes with mine.
"Mum I don't want you here if it's only going to make you sick"
My mother stared At me for a few seconds wondering what to say next.
"It's not, I already missed your engagement I don't want to miss anything else that's important. God forbid if I had a grandchild I never got to see"
I horrible feeling swam in my the bottom of my stomach mAybe it was a pang of guilt.
"Okay" I smiled softly opening the door wider so she could come in.
"Everybody is coming over today for the anniversary, every year we all say a little something about who lost and then we eat a meal that peeta has prepared" I told her..
She looked a little it worried.
"Don't worry you don't have to say anything you don't want" i reassured her.
She nodded. "So where is my son in law"
"Where he usually is, the kitchen"
This caused her to laugh, I don't think I've heard her laugh in years .
I could feel the corners or my mouth pulling into a smile.
Walking into the kitchen peeta was plating everyone's food up, talking to himself about how there would be lots of food left over.
"Well that's good then because we have an extra one for dinner today" I said.
Peeta turned round wondering what the hell I was on about.
"Mrs everdeen" peeta smiled embracing her in a warm hug.
That's another thing I loved about peeta he never asked questions that would make things awkward even if he really wanted to.
"I've told you you can call me rose" she laughed.
"Well rose how have you been?" Peeta asked.
A dizziness rushed over me causing me to sit down.
"I've been good actually" she replied.
"Do you want a coffee or tea?"
"A tea, two sugars please" she told peeta.
"Kat do you?"
"No thanks"
He looked at me strangely, obviously wondering why I refused a tea or coffee. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine just feel a little sick"
My mother eyed my full body up and down."Nice to see you have put some more weight on your face and legs" she said sitting down next to me.
She had really confused me.
Peeta handed my mother the mug.
She smirked at me taking a sip.
"So what's for dinner peeta?" She asked
"Beef, Turkey, and all the trimmings" he smiled checking on the dinner.
The smell of the food reached my nose making me want to be sick. I placed my hand over my mouth trying my best to conceal the retching.
My mother looked at me dubiously.
"You okay their katniss?"
All I could do was nod opening my mouth would cause me to be sick.
I had to run to the bathroom. "What the hell is up with me today?" I remember thinking.
While I was being sick in the toilet I heard everyone starting to arrive.
I untied the bobble I had shoved my hair up with so I wouldn't get sick in my hair powdered my face and felt sort of okay.
As I walked down the stairs Johanna was sat on the bottom.
"Jo,you okay?"
Her head shot round towards me and her eyes were all puffy and red like she had been crying for a while. Next thing I knew she raced up the stairs and swung her arms out. At first I thought she was going to punch me but she didn't. She hugged me.
"Okay something is definitely up" I stated to her.
I knew it was a sad day. All of us did, but she had never done that before.
She pulled away from me staring blankly at me for a few seconds.
"Thank you" she finally said holding onto my shoulders.
I looked at her confused. "Erm okay thank you for what?"
"Everything" she smiled slightly.
This was completely unlike Johanna.
"come on, dry your eyes and let's go get some dinner"
She sniffled and began to walk back down the stairs.
At that moment Effie burst through thinto front door.
"Effe!!!" I squealed.
She smiled from ear to ear "katniss darling how are you?"
"I'm okay just trying to handle today" i smiled back
"Well you're glowing" she replied.
"Glowing?" I repeated confused
"Umhmmmm" she nodded
"Errrrr okay"
I shrugged it off an walked into the living room. Everybody was sat down and talking to someone. Rather than interrupt I went to see peeta in the kitchen.
"How the chef?" I asked
"Fine" he laughed. "Now everything's ready"
I sat down next to him on the kitchen table.
"Just sitting down before I have to give everybody their dinners which will probably be hard"
"I'll help you want?" I asked
"No it's fine you haven't been too well today, how you holding up?" He moved closer towards me.
"Surprisingly I'm not as bad as I thought I would be"
"Good" he said leaning in for a kiss.
"Right I'll let everyone know dinners ready" I smiled as peeta pulled his lips away.
"Thanks" he said as his Lips we're slightly touching mine.
I stood up butterflies in my stomach, the same ones I still get when peeta kisses me.
"Dinners ready" I shouted through the living room of about 15.
Nobody replied they all just approached the table.
Peeta came out in an out of the kitchen carrying two plates at s time.
As everyone had their meals I looked around and couldn't help smiling. Although we had all lost people we cared about we could all come together and be sort of normal.