Learning to live

Learning to live: i need help

A whimper is what I would describe it as. A whimper wormed it's way out of my mouth. "Ppppeeta" I managed to scream shaking him.
"Come on peeta please" by this point tears started to escape from my eyes.
"You can't do this, wake up, come on baby come on please just breathe its me katniss your wife, I love you. Peeta mellark I love you and I need you to wake up. We need you to wake up" I pleaded.
A thousand memories surged through my head. I didn't know what to do. I tried my best to remember the quarter quell how finnick started his heart again. Okay I thought pull yourself together Katniss. I opened his airway as finnick did. I tilted his head back pinching his nose and blowing into his mouth. I knew this wasn't the right order but I had to try something. I couldn't lose him. Somehow through my tears and desperation I started chest compressions as fast as I could. Nothing. "Come on peeta please" I screamed as loud as i could. "Please" I repeated whispering this time. I started CPR again, frantically that is. This time though a breath escaped peeta's mouth but he still lay unconscious.
"Thank you" i whispered placing a kiss on his lips my tears rolling onto his face.
I pulled out my phone ringing emergency services and they talked me through how to put peeta in the recovery position as they promised they would get the ambulance and paramedics here as fast as they could. After I had done everything I could I lay next to him my ear on his chest to make sure if he stopped breathing I would know. At this point I think I ran out of tears so I stared at the ceiling blankly. How could this be happening we should be so happy right now. If peeta wasn't lay on this floor he would smiling and hugging me and telling me how I needed to take it easy and telling me all things I am now longer allowed to do. The thought of a frantic but happy peeta made me almost smile. I couldn't lose him. We have been through too much. We were finally getting on with our lives finally happy. The paramedics bust open the front door their sirens wailing loudly. Then it hit me I hadn't informed anybody of what was happening. They would be so worried seeing a unexpected ambulance pull up outside our door. I guess if I would have told them they would have panicked even more. Everybody loved peeta. A middle aged man and a woman in her late twenties pounded up my staircase.
The woman gently removed me from peeta and reassured me they would do everything they could to help me and that he was in great hands. She gave me a warm smile and informed me her name was Lyla and the mans name was Marcus. I sat back watching them put tubes into peeta's nose and place him on a gurney so he could be carried to the ambulance. Lyla must have seen my distress and asked if there was anyone I could call. Actually there was so many people I could call but i couldn't even form any words it was like my voice was trapped. I shakily held onto the banister of my stair case managing to grab my shoes and peeta's hoodie again. It still smelt like him. As I neared the ambulance johanna came running out her house with no shoes on just a pair of shorts and what looked like gales t shirt. Her hair was dripping wet and she had this pale look on her face. Looking at her made my tears come heavy and fast. So much for being cried out. She looked just as panicked as me. Darting over to me she didn't even turn around to change or lock her door. She grabbed my shoulders and guided me to the ambulance placing herself inside with me.
"What happened?" She asked franticly.
I stared at her blankly.
"Katniss what happened?" She asked firmer.
This time she got a response but not from me.
"I think she's in shock" Lyla told johanna.
"Do you know what happened?" She asked holding onto my hand.
"No it could be a number of things we won't know anything until we get him to the hospital and run his blood work" she informed her.
Johanna didn't say anything else she just wrapped her arms around me.
How the hell could this be happening. He was so well so peaceful when I left. Sprawled out in our bed. He was fine last night. Our friends were sat laughing drinking talking about our loved ones we had lost remembering their lives. And now here I am after thinking everything would be fine now. Nobody else can hurt us. We're happy. Everybody was getting on with life. 4 years later. I wasn't 17 anymore in a pipe room back in district 13. But the mental state I was in right now sure felt like it. The feelings of peeta being so far away not being able to help him came flooding back. Because that's what this feeling was. That's what this situation was. Peeta once again out of my reach.
The longest car journey of my life. That's all I can explain it as. Longer than anything I have ever experienced. Longer than every minute in both hunger games I was in. This was a whole new pain I had never experienced.
Johanna once again guided me. Following peeta on his gurney. They flung the hospital doors open beginning to run. Two doctors rushed over. "22 year old male found unconscious by his wife, has stopped breathing 3 times" Marcus shouted the the doctors.
"And may I add this is peeta mellark and his wife who saved panem is stood right over there, with johanna mason so let's do our best people" one of the doctors shouted racing peeta up the corridor. My legs seemed to buckle from under me and luckily johanna caught me and placed me on a chair.
"Kat, I know you don't want to hear this right now but you need to calm down, you need to think about the life that's inside of you. Stress is not good for babies. And I know you are riddled with fear and panic right now but whatever you're feeling that baby is feeling to okay? And you know peeta would never forgive you if he knew you was pregnant And this worked up" johanna told me running her fingers through my hair.
I was about to argue with her. I was about to scream that my husband could be dying how am I not meant to panic. Until I realised she was right there's nothing I could do about this situation. Working myself up could put the baby in harm. So instead I nestled my head into Johanna's shoulder and sobbed.