Learning to live

Learning to live: old house

"Peeta?" I shouted through the house as I opened the door.

Luca came running through the hallway.

"Hey little man where's your uncle peeta?" I asked him scooping him up.

"Up here" peeta responded for Luca.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to find the key to my old house"

"Why?" We never go to peeta's old house, that's where he gets his worse flashbacks.

"I need.. I need to get something" his voice sounded uncomfortable.

"Right?.. An what exactly do you need to get?" I asked still dubious about the fact he was going somewhere that hurt him.

"I just remembered something I want"

"After two years since living with me you have now only just remembered you want something? From your old house?" Sometimes I didn't understand what went on in that head of his.

His heavy footsteps plodded down the stair case.

"I always knew it was there, I just didn't want it until now" he shrugged.

"An you're not gonna tell me what it is?" I asked him.

"You'll find out soon enough" he said heading for the door.

"Yeah well I better" I joked

He turns around to face me.

"You're such a hard person to keep secrets from" he smirked

"Ahhh so it is a secret?"

"You're such hard work katniss mellark" he shook his head

"I haven't heard you say that phrase since it was 'you're such hard work katniss everdeen' "

"See what I mean" he said in a voice different to his own. "Good job Iove you ey"

I rolled my eyes wrapping my arms around his neck. Suddenly I was back in Tigris' shop saying my goodbyes to peeta. Sure it would be the last time I ever saw him. His arms weren't as steady as they once were but they were still warm an strong that I remember.

Now his arms were back to the way they were before the rebellion, as strong as they were in our first hunger games and the quarter quell. Just as warm as they had always been.

As he leaves out of our front door I remember a thousand moments surging through me saying my goodbyes to peeta in Tigris' shop.All the times his arms were the only refuge from the world. Remembering I didn't appreciate them enough but they were so sweet in my memory. How I thought they would be gone forever an the sinking feeling I got when it was time to let go.

But that was a million years ago, a million miles away, not now, sometimes I forget everything that happened. Just for a brief second. Then it comes back, like a tidal wave or tsunami forcing itself on me threatening to drown me in the dark twisted memories.

Luca snapped me out of the bad memories by tugging at my leggings.

"Hey" I smiled. Realising other good came from the rebellion.

"I've got new dinosaurs" Luca told me.

"Really? Can I see them?" I played along.

Luca nodded guiding me into the living room.

Toys lay scattered all over the floor.

"My new ones are on this side" he pointed to a huge pile of toys on the left of the room with his chubby toddler hands. "And my old ones there" he pointed to the opposite side of the room to a smaller pile. It kind of scared me how big he has gotten all of a sudden. Like he was actually like a little boy. Not a baby anymore. He had a little personality an already I could see traits of finnick. His cheekiness and bright green eyes, his sandy hair.

I smiled weakly at him trying to push the thought of his dead father to the back of my mind.

"Wow uncle peeta did buy you a lot didn't he"

"Uncle gale came before" Luca informed me while making crashing noises with his cars.

"Did he?" I asked confused.

Luca just nodded.

"That's nice"

As far as I knew gale was back in district 2 with the rest of the hawthornes.

Peeta came walking back in the house.

I turned round to speak to him. "Got what you wanted?"

"Mumhmmm" was his only reply.

He quickly ran up the stairs.

"You never told me gale was back?" I shouted up the stairs.

"Errr I was going to" he replied unsure.

"Well is he staying here for good or is he going back to 2?" I asked a little annoyed.

"He didn't exactly say, just that him an jo had been texting and he's saying with Leighton again for abit"

I paused for a few seconds. "Are you sure? Because Joanna never mentioned to me they were back on speaking terms, never mind texting each other like that" I said confused.

"I don't know exactly if they're speaking in like a romantic way" peeta shouted nervously, I got the feeling that he wasn't supposed to tell me any of this. "I think Johanna wants to sell the house" he added.

I must admit I was a little confused by this point, I had only just seen Johanna this morning. Before Annie dropped Luca off an before delly went Into labour an she never mentioned putting her house up for sale. "Their house in the victors village? The house Inbetween Delly's and Annie's?" I said quickly

"Yeah... That one" he shouted down slowly

"I just don't get why Johanna didn't mention it"

"She probably didn't know what to say about" peeta's voice came closer with every step.

"Jesus, it must really be over" I sighed

"Must be" peeta repeated.

"I mean I knew they were over but selling the house like that makes it official"

"They might work It out, you never know with them, they're abit.. Unpredictable" he laughed

"Suppose" I smiled. "You never told me what you had to get from your old house" I said changing the subject.

"You'll find out soon" he smiled.

"That's all I get?, you're secretive today aren't you" I joked.

He looked at smiling and I thought about what would of happened if we had never been reaped for the hunger games. A thought I've only had once or twice. We would of never spoken let alone be married. I could never of thanked him for the bread, I wouldn't of had the words I still don't now. Would I of carried on hunting for a living? Marrying gale? A lot would be different. Some good did come from me and peeta being reaped for the games. The rebellion one or them. I could finally love peeta back. I mean I did in our second games. I didn't know in what way just that I needed to save him, that's all i needed to do. So when I woke up in the hovercraft after shooting the arrow into the force field I picked up the syringe. All that time in district 13 while peeta was being brutally tortured an hijacked in the Capitol. He was so out of my reach and it made me fall in love with him even more. I needed him. Like I needed him in both games. Like I needed him to help me rebuild my life here in 12 after the rebellion. Like I still need him now.